Bongo Fury 50th Anniversary Edition

I coulda swore her hair was made of rayon
She wore a Milton Bradley crayon
But she was something I could lay on
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy

She put a Doobie Brothers tape on
(La la la la la la)
I had a Roger Daltrey cape on
(A Roger Daltrey cape on)
There was a bed I dumped her shape on
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy

She stuck her hand right in it to the bottom
Said she knew I'd be surprised she got 'em
Take a Charleston pimp to spot 'em
Then she gave a pair of shoes to me
Plastic leather, 14 triple D
Then she gave a pair of shoes to me
Plastic leather, 14 triple D

I said, "I wonder what's the shoes for?"
She told me, "Don't you worry no more!"
And got right down there on the tile floor
"Now, darling, stomp all over me!"
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
"Now, darling, stomp all over me!"
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy

By ten o'clock her arms and legs were rendered
She couldn't talk 'cause her mouth had been extendered
It looked to me as though she had been blendered
But was this abject misery?
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!
But was this abject misery?
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!
Well . . .

The man with the woman head
Polynesian wallpaper made the face stand out
A mixture of Oriental and early vaudeville jazz poofter
Forming a hard, beetle-like, triangular chin much like a praying mantis
Smoky razor-cut, low on the ear neck profile
The face the color of a nicotine-stained hand
Dark circles collected under the wrinkled, folded eyes
Map-like from too much turquoise eyepaint
He showed his old tongue through ill-fitting wooden teeth
Stained from too much opium, chipped from the years
The feet, brown wrinkles above straw loafers
A piece of coconut in a pink seashell caught the tongue and knotted into thin white strings
Charcoal grey Eisenhower jacket zipped into a loaded green ascot
A coil of ashes collected on the white-on-yellow Dacks
Four slender bones with rings and nails endured the weight of a hard fast black rubber cigarette holder
I could just make out Ace as he carried the tray and mouthed
"You cheap son of a bitch"
As a straw fell out of a Coke, and cartwheeled into the gutter
So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood
So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood
So this was a drive-in restaurant in Hollywood

AnnouncerMarty Perellis:

Good evening. Testing. Good evening. We're gonna start in about three or four minutes. Let me just have your attention for a minute. In order to bring this show into the building we brought our lights that we would put in at any hall of in the country. Therefore these two wooden supports here are not to be leaned, they want us on. It's to keep you away from the towers—we tower, and we don't want anybody to get hurt by the tower falling over.

If everyone that's standing in the front could sit down, then we won't have to interrupt the show with the immortal words "sit down" [...]all night.

Don: Put a shirt on, man.

FZ:

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen of the Armadillo! Welcome to The Mothers Of Invention Concert, 1975! It sure is hot in here tonight. But I'll tell you what—give you some clues as to how the concert is going to operate. Because of the intense temperature and the n— the necessity for drinking a lot to keep oneself together on this the stage, we're going to perform in a very loose manner for you this evening, ladies and gentlemen. Almost as if it were a recording session.

So, uh . . .

Anyway, the name of the first song—for those in the truck that who are actually running the recorded recording equipment—the first song is called "Apostrophe'." One, two, one, two, three . . .

FZ:

All right, that's enough of that. The name of the next song is "Stink-Foot."

Yeah, I know you wanna want a boogie, just relax!

Yeah, why don't you guys make yourselves comfortable? We're gonna be here for a long time tonight.

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
(Mornin')
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends
An' all the others, they hate ya
Does the life you been livin' gotta go, hmmm?
Well, lemme straighten you out
About a place I know
(Now, get yer shoes 'n socks on people
It's right aroun' the corner
Over by the Auditorium!)

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Well, scientists call this disease Bromidrosis
And well they should
But us regular folks
Who might wear a tennis shoe
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
Stink Foot

How true that is
Y'know, my python boot was too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got that sucker off
An' my girlfriend cry
"You've got stink foot!
Stink foot, darlin'
Your stink foot puts the hurts on my nose!
Stink foot! Stink foot! I ain't lyin'
(I ain't lyin')
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"

Well, here Fido, here Fido
Bring the slippers, little puppy
Yes, that's a good dog
Bring them right over here
Bring some to Kerry out in the truck
And bring some to Mike and bring some to Davy
And take some out there to Napoleon and Bruce up there on that balcony up there
"Arf, arf, arf!"
Sick!

FZ: Enough of that. The name of this song is "I'm Not Satisfied."

Ooh, yeah!

Got no place to go
Tired of walking
Up and down the street all by myself
No love left for me to give
I tried and tried
But no one wants me the way I am
Why should I pretend I like
To roam from door to door
Maybe I'll just kill myself
I just don't care no more

Because
Not satisfied
Everything I've tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing . . . wow!

Who, who, I said who would care if I was gone
I never met nobody
Who'd care if I was dead and gone
Who, I said who needs me to care for them
Nobody needs me
Why should I just hang around?
Why should I just sit and watch
While the others smile
I just wish that someone cared
If I was happy for a while

Because
No, no
Hey, hey
Wow!
Ooh!

I coulda swore her hair was made of rayon
She wore a Milton Bradley crayon
But she was something I could lay on
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy

She put a Doobie Brothers tape on
I had a Roger Daltrey cape on
(A Roger Daltrey cape on)
There was a bed I dumped her shape on
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
Can't remember what became of me
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy

Somewhat later on
I woke up and she was gone
There was dew out on the lawn
In the sunrise
Later she came back
With a rumpled paper sack
Which she told me would contain
A surprise

She stuck her hand right in it to the bottom
Said she knew I'd be surprised she got 'em
Take a Charleston pimp to spot 'em
Then she gave a pair of shoes to me
Plastic leather, 14 triple D
Then she gave a pair of shoes to me
Plastic leather, 14 triple D

I said, "I wonder what's the shoes for?"
She told me, "Don't you worry no more!"
And got right down there on the tile floor
"Now, darling, stomp all over me!"
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy
"Now, darling, stomp all over me!"
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy

Is this something new
Having people stomp on you?
Is it what I need to do
For your pleasure?
(Your pleasure . . .)
"What is this, a quiz?"
"Don't you worry what it is
It is merely just a moment
I can treasure"
(Oh, oh yeah)

By ten o'clock her arms and legs were rendered
She couldn't talk 'cause her mouth had been extendered
It looked to me as though she had been blendered
But was this abject misery?
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!
But was this abject misery?
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!

It might seem strange to Herb and Dee
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!

But was this abject misery?
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!
But was this abject misery?
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!

It might seem strange to Herb and Dee
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!

FZ: Thank you!

Mothers:
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise

Napoleon:
I know you may think
That I'm referring to
The nachos that you're thinking baking in the kitchen
I know some kind of thingssometime it seems
You don't understand
About all the things
That are mentioned
But we're trying to tell you the truth
Just so you you'll always understand
We're trying to tell you the truth
Talking by the 'bout a woman to a man

George:
Talking by the 'bout a woman to a man

Napoleon:
The velvet sunrise
It's a little something
Can make you Connected close to your vibes

George:
Good God

Napoleon:
Young lady, now you may whether in a humid weather like this
Don't you feel but the tingle in the place, oh and the bliss of
Everything that's happening deep inside
Side
Side
Oh, All right now

George:
Right now

Napoleon:
We're going to continue
By presenting to you the speaker of the night
Oh, I'm very pleased to present to you
Dr. Maurice
And His Magic Formula, yeah, yeah

FZ:

Well, howdy, folks, this is Dr. Maurice, the master psychiatrist, here to help you and yours with the problems that are nearest and dearest to your heart. This is not to imply that each and everyone every one of you have has something wrong with you, but let's face it, ladies and gentlemen, in this tense modern world of ours, things can get a little bit hectic. And that's why I'm simply suggesting that there are things about the way people live today that could be improved with a little attention to the finer details of life.

Now, you realize that Austin, Texas, is perhaps superior in many ways to other locations in the United States, so some of the things that I'm going to tell you might not apply in this area, but there's always the possibility that you one day will travel away from Austin to a lesser part of the United States, a place where they may have more things wrong with it and you'll be able to help them simply because you have such groovy vibes, you vibes. You know what I'm talking about.

Well, let's get on with the lecture then. Our subject for tonight is loneliness. Now, loneliness comes in many shapes and many sizes but I believe that deep down loneliness inflicts every living creature on this planet. Perhaps God meant it that way, but there's no reason to assume you'll ever escape it. Many have tried, many have sought to alleviate the terrible tension of their lives by trying to find—how shall I put this discreetly?—True Love. And at the point where they found True Love, believe believed deep down in their hearts that loneliness would never again occur to them. But they were so wrong, they were very, very wrong, and I'll tell you what happened.

Once upon a time there was a boy who was lonely, who met a girl who was lonely, and they got together and found True Love, with a capital "T" and a capital "L," ladies and gentlemen. They really had it good. They moved to a little place not too far from here, it was— it was a yard yurt on the outside of town. They lived in one of the yards yurts and found True Love.

Then one day the girl had to go to the market to get some lentils, and while she was gone, suddenly the boy felt lonely again—and he had not escaped loneliness even though he had found True Love. And the girl while she was at the market had also experienced a similar twinge deep down in her colon area.

And I'm just trying to explain to you, folks, you'll never get over the problem of loneliness. Now what to do about it? How to live with loneliness in a contemporary society? There are a number of ways that loneliness, the symptoms thereof, may be alleviated, never cured completely—it is perhaps a terminal disease—never cured completely, but might be softened in the following manner.

If you take two [...]teasp— If you take two— If you take two— If— You can't do it. There is no way that you you're ever gonna get rid of loneliness in the United States of America, ladies and gentlemen. We return now to our song.

George:
Good God

Mothers:
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise

FZ: One, two, three, four.

Don: Make that old fiddle Tom tone, boy!

Don: I feel like I wanna holler but the town's too small!

FZ: Oh, I sweated myself out of tune!

 

FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna take an intermission here. We'd like to direct your attention to the world-renowned Armadillo kitchen, so you hold that you can all back, go back there and get yourself something to eat during this break. We'll be back in a few minutes and continue with the rest of the program. Thank you.

Audience:

Zappa!

FZ:

All right, you guys are all full of nachos and everything? And everything?

Okay, we're gonna start this part of our show up off with a song that features the illustrious Captain Beefheart, as soon as he wipes himself—he's in the toilet now.

As I said before, we're gonna be here for a while, so why don't you sit down and make yourselves comfortable—enjoy the steambath. Give everybody a chance to see.

What? Get a periscope.

Now you got, you got to gotta pay very close attention to the lyrics to this song because we hope that this is gonna be the world premiere of the first correct performance of this particular set of lyrics. I want— I'd like to have everybody in, in the audience cross their fingers on behalf of Don and hope that he gets every single word in the song, because it's an important wholesome sort of message that I think the people of Texas can enjoy.

One, two, three, four . . .

Torture
Torture
Torture
Torture
(Never stops)
Torture
Torture
Torture

She had that Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red

She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo

She said she was a Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
(Tell me now)
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
(Get them What's that now?)
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room
(I would love it in her room)

Well, I was born to have adventure
(Yes, I was)
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
(Tush!)
To where she hung her castanets

I chewed my way through her rancid poncho
She laid out naked by the door
(By the door)
We did it till we were un-concho
And it was useless anymore
Yes, it was useless anymore
Yes, it was useless anymore
Yes, it was useless anymore
(Look out now!)

([...])
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
(Everybody!)
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
([...] What you say?)
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
(Go down, get up, go now)
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
(Don't you know)
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .

FZ: And now we're going into another song, this is— Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you. Now this is a song about—you've heard love songs before, I'm sure, but this is a song that goes beyond the love song, if you know what I'm talking about. This song is entitled "Advance Romance" and the title itself would imply something perhaps more devastating than the physical act itself. And I'd like to bring my lovely and talented assistant, Napoleon Murphy Brock, down to the front of the stage right now, because he's gonna sing this sucker to ya. Ladies and gentlemen, Napoleon Murphy Brock. OkayAll right, and here it goes, one, two, three, four . . .

No more credit
From the liquor store
Suit is all dirty, my
Shoes is all wore
Tired and lonely, my
Heart is all sore
Advance romance
I can't stand it no more
Advance romance
I can't stand it no more

Told me she loved me
I believed what she said
Took me for a sucker, boy
All corn-fed
(What?)
Next thing I knewknow
She had a bolt on the door
Advance romance
I can't use it no more, no, no
Advance romance
I can't use it no more

She took George's watch
Like they always do
(It was a Timex, too!)
(Wah-Hoo-Hoo
Wah-Hah-Hoo-Hoo)
(And-a shame on you)
No more money, boy
I shoulda knew
(You know I told ya)
(I know you told me)
(You didn't listen to me)
(But I couldn't listen all the time!)
All you wanted was some anchovies anyway
(You know that [...]broad was fine)
The way she do me, boy
She might do you, too
The way she do me, boy
(Good God!)
She might do you, too
The way she do me, boy
She might do you, too
(Look what she did to Denny already)

(Chicken was never like this!)

(I feel like I wanna holler but the town's too small)

(Play on, children, play on)

(OhAh, take me with you where when you go, boy!)

(Eh, what do you say!
Play on, children!)

Advance romance
People we are through!
Advance romance
People we are through!
But, oh, wait a minute

Potato-head Bobby
Was a friend of mine
Opened three of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Opened four of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Opened five of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Opened six of his eyes
In the food stamp line
(Oh, don't get there, that she might be a devil)
I didn't trust on him
(Oh, she might have been so badyou might eat anchovies)
You know that's all she likes to wear
(But she sure was fine, yeah)
A red dress on
[...]I tried to yeah yeah
You like them
(Oh, yeah)
Evil, evil
Advance romance
(Don't you know?)
Oh . . . oh yeah, oh
He got up one morning
Advance romance
(Look Took it out)
He want to try it one time
Oh, just one time

Later that night
He drop on by
Told her all he want to do
Was come up and say "Hi"
(Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi
Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi)
Half an hour later
She had frenched his fry
Advance romance
Bobby, say good-bye, Bobby
Advance romance
Oh, Bobby, say good-bye, bye

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown

By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else
Somewhere here
And then I'd

Keep the wax
Melt it down
Pluck some the Floss
'N And swish it aroun'around

And I would have me a crop
An' it'd be on top
That's why I'm movin' to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
(WoppyWoopy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(Yep!)

(Montana soon)

(Come on back, come on back!)

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon

Oh, I'm ridin' a small tiny hosshorse
His name is Herbie Herb Cohen
He's a good hosshorse
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Well, any way

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

I'm gonna find me a horse
(Find me a horse)
Just about this big
(Just about this big)
An' ride him all along the border line

With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
Thanks a lot, Don!

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night

Then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush

'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
(Movin')
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
(Well)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
(Yes I'm)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
(Look out now!)

FZ:

Now you have to pay close attention to George here, because George has a finger cymbal in his hand. He is going to hit this finger cymbal—this is a sort of an instrument that a hippie might play. I know that many of you probably have this these at home and just forgot to bring them 'em tonight. But George has a number of hippie-type flower-power peace-love instruments up there at his console which he is going to perturb with a little bit beater right now.

He's gonna hit these objects and then he's gonna pretend to hit his thumb . . . and hurt himself, and them he's gonna make some noises with his mouth . . . sort of imitating drums and stuff, and then, right in the middle of all of this, he's actually going to play . . . the keyboard instruments . . .

George:

This is be-bop . . .

Good God!

[...]

Good God!

And I'm going down
To see my babe
Don't make it wrong
Done me wrong
[...] Austin on down

Good God!

What did you say [...]before?

Well I'm going down
I got everything
In this world I need

Don:

I got everything
That a young girl needs

George:

I got everything
In this world I, I need

FZ:

I love the blues
She paid my rent

George:

World What I need
I got everything
In this world I need

I got everything
In this world I need
World I[...]

But I say said I need

What? All right. I'm with you.

What you all doing?
What you all doing?
You [...]using the taterYouse in the taters
What you all doing?

What?

What?

Well, I'm going down
To see my babe
Oh, what I'm gonna do
When you go
I'm going down
To see my babe
What you gonna do
When you get there

Watch out, watch out, here I go!

What?

Here we go!
You know where I's gotta go
You know I can't stay there
We've been there
It's time to go
Out
To the other land
To the other place
Where strange things exist
Where you feel and don't worry about
Other shit

Do you know what I mean?

Good God!
They all around me!
They all around me!
[...] They're in the back in of the room!
Little things
Little things
Little things

Listen to 'em

Don:

The music was thud like
The music was thud like

George:

And then it came to an end . . .

One, two, three, four . . .

FZ: Thank you!

FZ:

Terry Bozzio, ladies and gentlemen, on the drums!

Now listen, I have, I have a device here that doesn't always work, so I wanna give myself a chance to see whether it's gonna work tonight. If it works, maybe it'll be fun.

Okay. This, this is a uh, guitar that operates a Minimoog that was delivered to us a few days ago by people from the Ampeg company. They're still in the process of developing this device. It's a sort of a new and unheard of . . . thing, and I'm gonna try and get some music out of it.

All right.

FZ:

Unfortunately, because I don't— Unfortunately, because I don't use any chemical preparations to alter my consciousness, it's difficult for me to play because somebody in the front row is blowing some smoke in my direction that is making me gag!

So, we're gonna take another intermission, folks, and we'll see you after a while.

FZ:

Wasn't it that a cute one? Okay. Now we have a, a heartwarming folk song—something that's always been well received in this part of the country, because it, it gives the implication of being sort of like a boogie.

I'm a little pimp with my hair gassed back
Pair a khaki pants and my shoe shined black

Got a little lady . . . walk the street
Tellin' all the boys that she cain't be beat

Twenny dollah bill (I can set you straight)
Meet me onna corner boy 'n don't be late

Man in a suit with a bow-tie neck
Wanna buy a grunt with a third party check

Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel
Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell

Hot rats
(Hot rats)
Hot cats
(Hot cats)
Hot mealsritz
(Hot mealsritz)
Hot chillschitz
(Hot chillschitz)
Hot dealsthis
(Hot dealsthis)
Hot [...]dadsthat
(Hot [...]dadsthat)
Hot rats
(Hot rats)
Hot cats
(Hot cats)

FZ: Bruce Fowler on trombone, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Terry Bozzio on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, Denny Walley on slide, George Duke on keyboards, Captain Beefheart on ins— insanity. Thank you very much for coming to our recording session tonight. Hope you enjoyed the show. Hope you didn't get too steamed up. Thanks a lot, and good night.

Announcer: Mr. Frank Zappa. Mr. Frank Za— . . . Mr. Frank Zappa. [...] Give it He'll be back with us again tomorrow night. , and Thank you very much, you're much. You're great, you're really great.

Crowd: Zappa! Zappa!

FZ: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

FZ: Bruce Fowler on trombone, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Little skinny Terry Bozzio on drums, Tom Fowler on bass, Denny Walley on slide, George Duke on keyboards, and Captain Beefheart on assorted insanity. And the name of this song is "Stink-Foot."

In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
(Mornin')
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends
An' all the others, they hate ya
Does the life you've been livin' leadin' gotta go?
Well, lemme straighten you out
About a little place that I know
(Now, get yer shoes 'n socks on people
'Cause it's right aroun' the corner
Over by the Beer Garden)

Yes, you go
Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Now, scientists call this grim little disease Bromidrosis
But us regular folks
Who might wear a tennis shoe
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
Stink Foot

How true that is
You know, my python boot was too tight
I could not get it off last night
A week went by, now it's July
I finally got that sucker off
An' my girlfriend cry
"You've got stink foot!
Stink foot, darlin'
Your stink foot puts the hurts on my nose!
Stink foot! Stink foot! I ain't lyin'
(I ain't lyin')
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"

Well, here Fido, here Fido
Bring the slippers, little puppy
Yes, that's a good dog
Bring them right over here
Bring them 'em right over to the monitor
"Arf, arf, arf, arf!"
And as I've said so many times before . . .
Sick!

FZ:

And the name of this song, ladies and gentlemen, is "I'm Not Satisfied." It's a ditty from the Freak Out! album. Keep your eye on Napoleon Murphy Brock as he trounces down from the upper platform to whip it towards you right here in the front of the stage . . .

Oh, yeah!

Got no place to go
Tired of walking
Up and down the street all by myself
No love left for me to give
I tried and tried
But no one wants me the way I am
Why should I pretend I like
To roam from door to door
Maybe I'll just kill myself
I just don't care no more

Because
Not satisfied
Everything I've tried
I don't like the way
Life has been abusing . . . wow!

Who, I said who would care if I was gone
I I've never met nobody
Who'd care if I was were dead and gone
Who, I said who needs me to care for them
But Nobody needs me
Why should I just hang around?
Why should I just sit and watch
While the others smile
I just wish that someone cared
If I was were happy for a while

Because
Oh!No, no
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Wow!
Ooh, baby

Debra Kadabra
Say she's a witch
Shit-ass Charlotte
Ain't that a bitch?
Debra Kadabra
Haw, that's rich!
Ione, a rancho granny
Shook her wrinkled fanny

Shoes are too tight and pointed
Shoes are too tight and pointed
Ankles sorta puffin' out
Cause me to shout

Oh Debra Algebra Ebneezra Kadabra
Witch Goddess of Lankershim Boulevard
Cover my entire bodice with Avon Cologna
And drive me to some relative's house in East L.A.
(Voodn-ah!)
Just till my skin clears up
Turn it to Channel 13
And make me watch the rubber tongue
When it comes out
From the puffed
From the puffed & flabulent Mexican rubber-goods mask
Next time they show The Brnokka
Make me buy The Flosser
[...]Cover the hot—
Make me grow Braniac Fingers
But with more hair
Make me kiss your turquoise jewelry!
Emboss me!
Rub the hot front part of my head
With rented unguents!
Give me bas-relief!

Cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it
Cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it
(Cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it)
Oh, hell, yes!
(Cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it)
Oh, hell, yes!
(Cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it)
Oh, hell, yes!
(Cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it)
Oh, hell, yes!

Learn the Pachuco Hop
And let me twirl ya
Make me remove tiny lines at Ricos' green chili
Oh Debra Fauntleroy-Magnesium Kadabra!
Take me with you
Don't you want any of these?

It might seem strange to Herb and Dee
No! No!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!
Carolina Hardcore Ecstasy!

FZ: Thank you, thank you and thank you.

Mothers:
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise

FZ: The velvet sunrise!

Napoleon:
Just like something extra special
Like a little honey and something
Hot nurtured that you're about to drink, yeah, yeah
If you look at it from the right angle
You'll know exactly what we mean
When we said say that there's a
Little of hopehump
In the middle

George:
In the middle

Napoleon:
Of every
Of every
Of every one of you beautiful girls

George:
Good God

Napoleon:
Sometimes you're lost for a definite description
But something like this would do just as well
Because we try we're trying to tell you about the emotions inside

George:
Motions inside

Napoleon:
So best Suppressed by you because of everything
About your finds That you find to make a reason
I hope All you've got the truthto do
Just Is listen to the doctor talk to you
I present you
Dr. Maurice, yeah, yeah

FZ: Howdy, folks!

Napoleon: Tell 'em about it!

FZ: Our lecture for tonight is on the delicate subject of the 200th birthday of the United States of America.

George: Good God!

FZ:

Rapidly approaching your town.

Now, how many of you studied American History in school? . . . 2%, very good. And out of that 2%, how many of you believe what they told you? . . . 0.3%.

Folks, let your mind drift back 199.5 years ago. Back in the good old days, just when they're they were getting it started for you here in America.

Okay. The pilgrims land, see? And the first thing they do is steal everything available from the Indians. This set a valuable precedent for the rest of the Protestants who were to follow in their footsteps later on.

After they stole things from the Indians and killed off the ones that they couldn't buy off by giving them blankets infected with smallpox—a process that it b— that is being used even today in Brazil by the people who are trying to build the roads through the Amazon jungle—and that's not a joke, boys and girls.

After they got rid of as many Indians as they could, they went back to their little huts and prayed to God because they knew that he was on their side. After they prayed to God, they got into the stupid-looking wooden beds with a board in the middle of it, so that they couldn't fuck each other too much.

Where they spent the next 200 years building up the population of America.

Of course you've heard the old expression, "The early bird gets the worm." Well, he also gets a lot of the property, and a lot of the wealth, and a lot of the oil, and a lot of whatever else is around, and so, the people who got here first managed to scarf up quite a bit of what was useful and keep it for their own purposes, and to this very day very little of that wealth has been spread around to you and yours, even here on in the great state of Texas. The ones who grabbed it first are still hanging on to it. And they're—I don't want to disappoint you, boys and girls—they're gonna hang on to it even longer.

But of course, the longer they hang on to it, that's their problem. Because you have to understand that the people who got it never come to the Armadillo, so they're not gonna bother you.

But if they did, I bet you'd [...] show them a good time, would you not?

Well, I suppose you all know why you're here this evening. You're here for two important reasons. One, you're here to eat the food from the Armadillo kitchen. And two, you're here to drink the beer from the Armadillo bar. We're more than happy to provide the a jukebox function for these two mayor major events of Texas history. So if you'll just relax, eat the,— eat the cookies, drink the beer, and try and blow the smoke over there a little bit., we'll go on with the rest of our program. Arf, arf, arf. Well . . .

Mothers:
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise
The velvet sunrise

FZ: Soothing, isn't it? . . . One, two, three, four.

 

FZ: All right. We've had a bomb threat and the police want to clear the building, so if you'll just move out the door—in an orderly fashion through that door,. As soon as we search the place— We've had a bomb threat. This is serious. Go out that door. And we'll be back in a little while.

AnnouncerMarty: Everyone, just walk to the door! And you can also use the back entrance to the beer garden. As soon as the building is clear has been cleared by the police, everyone will be able to come back in. We have a few minutes to work with, so don't run to the door, just walk. Everyone . There'll be a minute will be admitted again to the hall. Those sitting down, if you can could make your way to the door in the back—we're doing this for your benefit as well of— as well as ours.

?: [...].
Marty?: [...] P.A. All right. This— I got one size [...].
Don?: [...].
?: [...].
Marty?: Frank.
?: It's a bomb. [...] anything in it.
?: Yeah, I just got [...] beside me, sorry.
Marty?: Well, then go out.
?: It's not. [...] worry about.
Marty?: Don't worry about it. Bomb goes off, we'll buy you new equipment.
?: I don't worry about that. I'm insured.
Marty: I got it.

Marty: Those people on the balcony, if you can could make your way to a door over here . . . Those of you that are just [...] milling around, would you please head towards a door?

Engineer: Marty?
Marty: Yes.
Engineer: Roll?
Marty: Hello?
Engineer: Roll or not?
Marty: No, stop the tape. Okay.

FZ: Glad you could all make it back . . . Well, we're just gonna take it up where we left off. Okay, since he's not here, you're gonna have to pretend that Captain Beefheart is still taking a his solo.

?: There it goHere he comes.

 

No more credit
From the liquor store
Suit is all dirty, my
Shoes is all wore
Tired and lonely, my
Heart is all sore
Advance romance
I can't stand it no more
Advance romance, ooh
I can't stand it no more, you know

Told me she loved me
I believed what she said
Took me for a sucker, boy
All corn-fed
Next thing I knew
She had a bolt on the door
Advance romance
I can't use it no more
Advance romance
I can't use it no more, no, I can't use it

People we are through!
Advance romance
(Think about it!)
People we . . . are . . .
(You oughta try it one time!)
Through!
But, wait a minute!

Potato-head Bobby
Was a friend of mine
Opened three of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Opened four of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Opened five of his eyes
In the food stamp line
Opened six of his eyes
In the food stamp line
(Oh, you know they told me she might be a devil)
No, you like them
(Good God! Did you hear what I say?)
Evil women
(Oh, yeah!)
You know, you know, you know
(But she sure was fine)
You like them
(Oh, yeah!)
Evil women, you know
(Get on now, goin' home!)
Advance romance
(What you gonna do?)
He wanna try it one time, yeah hey
Even though
Advance romance
He wanna try it one time
He said he don't mind, no

Later that night
He drop on by
Told her all he wanna do
Was step up and say "Hi"
(Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi
Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi, Hi-Hi)
Half an hour later
She had frenched his fry
Advance romance
Bobby, say good-bye, Bobby
Advance romance
Bobby, say good-bye

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
(Yah-ooh)
Read 'em 'n weep
Was her adjustable slogan

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan

Woo-lah!

That's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot brakes
That's the kinda sound she makes
(Ooh, let go uh me)
When her crab cakes
(Arf arf arf)

She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk and got shorter
(Ointment)
Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter

She didn't want to go home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how Perellis might court her

Na-na-na, na-na-noo
Na-na-na, na-na-hoo
Na-na-na, na-na-noo
Na-na-na, na-na-hoo

She was the daughter
Ah-ah-ahhh
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Ga-ya-ee-annnn

Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep

Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go
Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
I can sell uptown

By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else
But then, on the other hand I would

Keep the wax
Melt it down
Pluck the Floss
'N swish it aroun'

And I would have me a crop
An' it'd be on top
That's why I'm movin' to Montana
Yes!

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
(I said, WoppyWoopy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(All right!)

That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon

Oh, I'm ridin' a small tiny hosshorse
His name is Herbie Cohen
He's a good hosshorse
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Well, any way

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

I'm gonna find me a horse
(Find me a horse)
Just about this big
(Just about this big)
An' ride that sucker all along the border line

With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
Where d'you get a pair of those?

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
(A little tweezer glint)

And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush

'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
(Well)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Yay-O-Ty-Ay)
(Movin')
Movin' to Montana soon

She had that Camarillo brillo
Flamin' out along her head
I mean her Mendocino bean-o
By where some bugs had made it red

She ruled the Toads of the Short Forest
And every newt in Idaho
And every cricket who had chorused
By the bush in Buffalo

She said she was a Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
(Listen now)
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

She stripped away her rancid poncho
An' laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
An' it was useless any more

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
(All right)
A doll with a pin
I told her she was awright
But I couldn't come in

And so she wandered through the door-way
Just like a shadow from the tomb
She said her stereo was four-way
An' I'd just love it in her room

Well, I was born to have adventure
So I just followed up the steps
Right past her fuming incense stencher
To where she hung her castanets

I chewed my way through her rancid poncho
She laid out naked by the door
We did it till we were un-concho
And it was useless anymore
Yes, it was useless anymore
Yes, it was useless anymore

Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .
Useless . . .

FZ: All right. I've got a surprise for you. All right. This is a, this is an experimental guitar presented to you by the Ampeg Corporation. —they let They're letting me test it out here on this location. I hope it works.

I'm a little pimp with my hair gassed back
Pair a khaki pants and my shoe shined black

Got a little lady . . . walk the street
Tellin' all the boys that she cain't be beat

Twenny dollah bill (I can set you straight)
Meet me onna corner boy 'n don't be late

Man in a suit with a bow-tie neck
Wanna buy a grunt with a third party check

Standin' onna porch of the Lido Hotel
Floozies in the lobby love the way I sell

Hot rats
(Hot rats)
Hot cats
(Hot cats)
Hot zits
(Hot zits)
Hot dealsthis
(Hot dealsthis)
Hot dadsthat
(Hot dadsthat)
Hot dadsthat
(Hot dadsthat)
Hot rats
(Hot rats)
Hot ditzthis
(Hot ditzthis)
Hot titz
(Hot titz)
Hot chitz
(Hot chitz)
Hot bed
(Hot bed)
Hot rats
(Hot rats)
Hot cats
(Hot cats)
Hot rats
(Hot rats)

(He's nothing but a hothead)

FZ: Thanks again for coming to the concert! Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks again for coming down. Good night.

Napoleon: Enthusiastic Kadabra! [...] report chordGet down on the peoplepickle. Where's the report cardReportcard? Page in Pagin' the report card.

George: That's it. That's the shit. That's the shit, there . . . Ah, whip it, Frank!

GeorgeNapoleon:
While on the highway down San Bernardino freeway trying to come to the gig
I spotted a [...] man riding a motorcycle who had a blue star scarf around his neck

FZ: Time warp! Time warp!

GeorgeNapoleon:
He had a gold helmet on his head and his wheels were spinningwas a-spinnin', yeah, hey, hey, hey
And then I saw somebody coming up in a blue Volvo and— what's What was his name?

FZ: Don, get out here! Let's go!

GeorgeNapoleon:
The This His gas [...] tank wasn't even working, yeah

George?: Where's Beefheart?

FZ: He's Walking around with ear pads, Don on. Can't even tell him that we're playing.

Napoleon: Report [...]card.

George?: What was that?

One, two, three, four . . .

Poofter's Froth, Wyoming
March Eleven Sixty-Seven
Take a letter,
Ms. Abetter,
As our pigeons
Will be homing

To our jobbers in Dakota
And to Merwyn, Minnesota
This is merely just a note about
Performance to our quota

Well, We have all come out
To show dem
An' the Elks have helped us
Load 'em
Little packets full of jackets
Little rackets, little rackets

Little Poofter-Cloth Appointments
(Poof!)
Little Poofter's Poofter Froth Anointments
(PoochTush!)
Little hoods, little goods
Little doo-dads from the woods

The entire stock is shipping
Oh, our shod is hardly slipping!
To the markets of the world
Our wrinkled pennants are unfurled

T-shirt racks, rubber snacks
Poster rolls with matching tacks
Yes, a special beer for sports
And paper cups that hold two quarts

(Get on down!)

Everything a nation needs
For making hoopla while it feeds
The trash compactors, small reactors
The mowers, the blowers, the throwers & the glowers

A Buy-Cent-Any-All Salute
Two hundred years have gone ka-poot!
Ah but we have been astute

Signed:
Anon. —Wyo. Galoot

It was a Portuguese Lunar Landing
Redondo Beach and all
A fascinating evening, full of . . .
And rugged thrall
(Shrimp!)

With a tank of Duty Water
Which a cleric had designed
They pushed a secret plunger
Made of sponge for all mankind
And launched a rumpled rocket
Just to see what they might find

Here we are!
It seems like yesterday!
Little craters, rather little
No, I know they'd be this little
No air for making noises
Hot in the sunny part, cold in the shade
That'd be your temperature choices

Well, ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the Portuguese astronaut has landed on the moon. We thought it would never happen, judging from the rocket that he went up in—so insubstantial was his craft. But he has arrived, and apparently he's is on the verge of making a discovery . . .

You can always tell when a Portuguese astronaut is going to make a discovery because he dances around it for a while.

He has— Well, I thought he was going to discover Bruce . . . He has discovered the newspaper that you beat Don with! And he thinks it's a monster.

The anstroa— The astronaut notices there's a strange phenomenon and begins to sing about it.

It Seems to be movin' along
Under its own steam
If steam, itself, was possible here
But since it's not, I guess I I've got
Not a heck of a lot to fear
Not a heck of a lot to fear

But is that a tear?
Is that an ear?
Is it really, really movin'?
Is it really comin' near?
If I turn around 'n run
Will it get me on the rear?
(Mip mip mip mip mip mip mip)
Chew m'booty
Chew m'booty
Chew m'booty
Chew m'bootyCharred booty
(Mip mip-mip mip mip mi-mi-mi-mip mip)
Charred booty
(Mip mip-mip-mip-mip mip mip mip mip-mip-mip mip mip)
Charred booty
(Mip mip mip mip mip)
Charred booty

I wonder if it talks
(Mip mip mip)
Or what it might just say
(Mip)
I wonder if I get paid extra
(Well)
For findin' this sucker today

If the TV camera's on
There'll be a picture when it's gone
An' I'll be Portuguese and famous
In the astro-cosmic dawn

Fweet, fweet, fweet!
Little fella!
Walk toward the camera 'n smile! That's it!
Fweet, fweet, fweet!
Jesus! It's 30 feet long!
Lemme Let me adjust this dial

That's right/it, hold it, that's a real nice shot
Don't you come no closer to me
I got a Portuguese wife and a Ford and a knife
And I want them all to see

No! Get back! Get back! Get back!
Get yer suckers off the side of my shoe!
No! Get back! Get back! Get back!
I'll be forced to Kung yer Fu!

If I ooze onto on through you, all my gas'll come out
And I'll choke in my suit of the sky

[...]Poofter's Froth, Wyoming
March Eleven Sixty . . .

Try and help me!
[...]
Try [...] and find a beat now
[...]

So . . .
Stop, or I'll . . . Hah hah hah . . .

So stop, or I'll shoot
Through the flange on yer glute
An' tromple on the stalk of yer eye
Tromple on the stalk of yer eye
An' tromple on the stalk of yer eye
Tromple . . .

No! Get back! Get back! Get back!
What a horrible way to go!
No! Get back! Get back! Get back!
No, no, no, no, no, no!

Never trust no monster, home or away
They never do mean you no good
They always munch and bite and chew
'Cause that's their livelihood
I best repeat, people, you're their meat
Don'tcha never give in to their line
Any old place they'll seek you out
That's Is where they're gonna wine and dine

While yer eye's on the sparrow
They'll scarf up yer marrow
(Marrow)
(Marrow)
(Ay)
An' confiscate yer spine
Gonna say it again, Don'tcha never give in
Don't you even read the sign
Don'tcha never give in/out, or give up, or give out/in
Or give way, or move over again
(Oh, yeah, hey)
Give head if y'wanna, or blood if yer gonna
But remember what I'm tellin' you, men
Give head if y'wanna, or blood if yer gonna
But remember what I'm tellin' you, men
Give head if y'wanna, or blood if yer gonna
But remember what I'm tellin' you, men
Give head if y'wanna, or blood if yer gonna
But remember what I'm tellin' you, men
Give head . . .

There's some kinda monster 'round every corner
Wanna whip some ooze on you
Just tell him to beat it, if you don't wanna eat it
'N keep on chargin' through
(Oh, yeah, hey)
Just tell him to beat it, if you don't wanna eat it
'N keep on chargin' through
Give head if y'wanna, or blood if yer gonna
But remember what I'm tellin' you, men
Give head if y'wanna, or blood if yer gonna
(Everybody!)
But remember what I'm tellin' you, men
(All in the front row!)
Give head if y'wanna, or blood if yer gonna
But remember what I'm tellin' you, men
(Can you feel it!)
Give head if y'wanna, or blood if yer gonna
But remember what I'm tellin' you, men
Wow!