200 MOTELS by FRANK ZAPPA
A PRE-RECORD: GROUP. Sound only. "LONESOME COWBOY BURT" ORCHESTRA. Sound only. "VIENNA WOODS MUSIC" Orch = Orchestra Ch = Chorus D = Dancers M = Mothers Sop = Soprano R = Rance F = Frank L = Larry the Dwarf
B FRIDAY 85 Orch. Ch. M. Pete Keith 3 TK Orch. 6 Orch. TK Sop R. F. D. 91 TK 9 Orch. TK Sop. R. F. D. At this point we start to record Monday's schedule if there is time. 1 TK 7 TK 10 TK 13 TK 93 F 75 M 76 M 77 M. D. Motorhead.
C MONDAY 62 Orch. Dancers. Lucy 64 Orch, Groupies ... 2 Orch. Ch. R. George 15 Orch. Ch. D. Sop. 16 Orch. R. Sop. 18 Orch. M. Ch. 22 Orch. Ch. M. 26 Orch. Ch. M. 27 M 65 Orch. Groupies. 46 Orch. Sop, Car ... 14 Orch. D. 33 Orch. F. Sop. 34 Orch. F. Sop. 36 Orch. Sop. Tenor. 37 Orch. F. Ch. 38 Orch. Dancers. Motorhead. 39 Orch. F. ...
D TUESDAY 4 Orch. Ch. D. M. Sop. 5 Orch. Ch. D. M. Sop. 57 Orch. M. Groupies Nun 52 (Playback) Orch. Larry. Nu. 3 Orch. Larry. R. Nun. 59 Orch. 100/ Orch. Ch. Larry. R. Nun. M. 101 85 Orch. Ch. D. M. R. 86 Orch. R. Ch. D. M. 87 Orch. R. Ch. D. M. 89 Mark 88 Orch. R. Ch. D. M. 11 Orch. Sop. F. D. 66 (Playback) Orch. D. Lucy. Nun. 21 Orch. Ch. D. M. Dwarf 23 (Playback) D. Janet. Lucy. 41 Orch. Ch. Dwarf. 47 (Playback) Dwarf. 67 Dwarf. M. 32 D. M. ...
E WEDNESDAY 25 Orch. Ch. D. R. 40 Orch. Ch. R. Sop. 42 Orch. Ch. R. Sop. 43 Orch. Sop. R. 44 Orch. Sop. Ch. R. D. 45 Orch. Sop. Ch. F. ... 84 Orch. Group. Ch. M. 98 Orch. Group. Ch. 99 (Playback) Orch. 33 Orch. F. 92 Orch. Group. Ch. Jeff Beck 94 Orch. Jeff Beck 96 Orch. Group. Ch. Jeff Beck 97 Orch. G. Jeff Beck ...
F THURSDAY 17. Orch. Sop. M. 31 Orch. Ch. M. D. .... 81 M. D. 29 M. D. 71 M. D. 72 M. S. 73 M. D. 28 (Playback) M. D. 48 (Playback) Meredith. Jimmy Carl Black 49 (Playback) Meredith. 50 (Playback) Meredith. D. 51 (Playback) D. Sop. 53 (Playback) Meredith 54 (Playback) Meredith / Motorhead 55 (Playback) Meredith / Motorhead 56 (Playback) Motorhead. Sop. 60 (Playback) D. 12 So. Herbie. D. ...
G FRIDAY 70 Jeff Beck, Mark 74 M 24 (Playback) Mark/Howard. Herbie. 78 M. Motorhead. 79 M. Motorhead. Rance. 90 Don Preston. Jeff Simmons 19 R. Howard 20 R. Howard, Mark. Jeff. 30 (Playback) Rance. Jim. 58 M. Janet. 61 M. Janet. 63 M. Janet. Lucy 68 M 80 Mark, Jeff, Howard 69 M 82 Howard Jeff 83 M 91 Jeff
H PINEWOOD STUDIOS LIMITED SHOOTING SCHEDULE FOR FRIDAY 15th JANUARY, 1971 T/TRI 146 THE PERSUADERS! Ep: The Ozerov Inheritance Set No:14/208 Int: Chateau Drawing Room 'M' Stage (to complete) 14/214 Int: Bank Vaults 'L' Stage Unit Call 8:30 a. m. Aristes as per Call Sheet. Normal shooting requirements. Electrical crew and lamps. Normal construction standbys. Prop & Grip. S/FX: Practical Fire - plumber required. Teas a. m. & p. m. for 70. T/MFL 150 FIDDLER ON THE ROOF Set No:Int: Inn 'C' Stage Ext: Graveyard 'D' Stage Unit Call 8:30 a. m. Artistes as per Call Sheet. 5 male. 2 female Extras. 5 Standins. Normal shooting requirements. Electrical Crew & lamps: as arranged. Construction: as arranged. Prop & Grip. Teas a. m. 'C' Stage for 75 Unit & 40 artistes (p. m. to be advised) 'D' Stage p. m. only for 60. Drinking water available on both stages please. Plumber required for 'C' Stage. T/PRP 156 REVENGE Set No:508: Int: Cellar 'K' Stage Unit Call 8:30 a. m. Artistes as per Call Sheet. Camera Crew: Moviola crab & elegiac dollies. Sound Crew. Electrical Crew & lamps. Normal construction standbys, Prop & Grip. Teas a. m. & p. m. for 80
2 DIAGRAM TO INDICATE LETTERED AREAS (not to scale)
3 CAMERAS 1. TRANSATLANTIC CRANE + ZOOM 2. ACADEMY CRANE + ZOOM 3. PEDESTAL + ZOOM 4. CREEPER + ZOOM
4 LIST OF MUSICAL NUMBERS DURATION 1. THE OVERTURE Orchestra. Chorus. 2. TOURING CAN MAKE YOU CRAZY Orchestra. 3. WHAT'S THE NAME OF YOUR GROUP Orchestra. Chorus. 4. INSTRUMENTAL TO ACCOMPANY VIENNA SEQUENCE Group. Orchestra. 5. WENT ON THE ROAD Group. Chorus. Orchestra. 6. CENTERVILLE Group. Orchestra. Chorus. 7. THIS TOWN IS A SEALED TUNA SANDWICH Orchestra. Group. Chorus. 8. LONESOME COWBOY BURT Group. 9. THE RESTAURANT SCENE Small Orchestra. Baritones and Basses. 10. MYSTERY ROACH 1 Group. 11. THE PLEATED GAZELLE Orchestra. Chorus. 12. SHOVE IT RIGHT IN Orchestra. Group. Chorus. 13. WHAT WILL THIS MORNING BRING Group. 14. CANNED MUSIC - WHAT WILL THIS EVENING Group. 15. THE GROUPIE SONG Group. 16. BWANA DIK/CLEARASIL SPATTERED FANTASY Group.
5 LIST OF MUSICAL NUMBERS (Cont) DURATION 17. DADDY DADDY DADDY Group. 18. MAGIC FINGERS Group. 19. SOUNDLY ABOUT THE TITS AND BUTTOCKS Group. 20. PENIS DIMENSION Orchestra. Group. Chorus. 21. MYSTERY ROACH 2 Jeff. 22. I'M STEALING THE ROOM Orchestra. Group. Chorus. 23. STRICTLY GENTEEL Orchestra. Group. Chorus.
6 STAGE KEY A ORCHESTRAL AREA B NARRATOR C CHOW TABLES D CONDUCTOR E GRAND PIANOS/RUTH'S DRUMKIT F GROUP STAGE G THEATRE SEATS H ORCHESTRA PIT OF F I GROUPIES ROOMS J FIFTH AVENUE K BOUTIQUE L BUTCHER'S SHOP M MAIN STREET N NEWT RANCH P RESIDENSCES Q BANK R RANCE MUHAMMITZ RANCH S MOTEL RECEPTION T MOTEL BEDROOM V INTERROGATOR'S AREA W REDNECK EATS X CLUB Y CAPTIONS Z CLUB STAGE
7 SCHEDULE ORCHESTRAL REHEARSAL SESSIONS: WEDNESDAY 20 JANUARY - BARKING TOWN HALL 10.00am/1.00pm BARKING, 2.30pm/5.30pm ESSEX TELEPHONE 01. 594 3880 THURSDAY 21 JANUARY - BISHOPSGATE INSTITUTE 10.00am/1.00pm 230 BISHOPSGATE 2.30pm/5.30pm LONDON, E. C. 2. TELEPHONE 01. 247 2254 SET CONSTRUCTION Begins 4 JANUARY DANCE REHEARSAL MONDAY 18 JANUARY onwards. BRITISH LION TV RIG MONDAY 25 JANUARY REHEARSALS MONDAY 25 JANUARY ORCHESTRA 9 - 12 GROUP 1 - 5 DANCERS: CHORUS: ALL DAY TUESDAY 26 JANUARY ORCHESTRA: GROUP: 9 - 12; 1 - 4. DANCERS: CHORUS: CAST ALL DAY. NOTE: PRERECORD (SOUND ONLY) ORCHESTRA 1 - 2pm. WEDNESDAY 27 JANUARY ORCHESTRA: GROUP: 9 - 12; 1 - 4. DANCERS: CHORUS: CAST ALL DAY. NOTE: PRERECORD (SOUND ONLY) ORCHESTRA 1 - 2pm. THURSDAY 28 JANUARY GROUP: DANCERS: CHORUS: CAST 9 - 6pm. FRIDAY 29 JANUARY GROUP: DANCERS: CHORUS: CAST 9 - 6pm. ORCHESTRA: 9 - 12 (RECORD SOUND & VISION)
8 SCHEDULE (CONT) MONDAY 1 FEBRUARY ORCHESTRA: GROUP: DANCERS: CHORUS: CAST. RECORD TUESDAY 2 FEBRUARY ORCHESTRA: GROUP: DANCERS: CHORUS: CAST. RECORD WEDNESDAY 3 FEBRUARY ORCHESTRA: GROUP: DANCERS: CHORUS: CAST. RECORD THURSDAY 4 FEBRUARY GROUP: DANCERS: CHORUS: CAST. RECORD ORCHESTRA: (MORNING ONLY) FRIDAY 5 FEBRUARY GROUP: DANCERS: CHORUS: CAST. RECORD VIDEODISC EDIT: at T.V.R., Windmill Street. (Barry Stephens) WEDNESDAY 10 FEBRUARY - SATURDAY 13 FEBRUARY (incl.)
9 SCENE 1 Opening film. TK SEQUENCE 1 The music is from the Overture (Book 1 Bars 1 - 26) Titles superimposed optically later.
10 SCENE 2 2 mins (approx) Camera 1; H Camera 2; E Camera 3; C Camera 4; C (behind grand pianos) The Chorus are in ragged prisoner garb, and are seated at the chow- benches (C) and throughout the action look on expectantly. The Orchestra are dressed in dirty white tie and tails. The seven percussion players are dressed as Prison Guards. The Narrator appears as General Something. No towers. Boom Near Newt Ranch. GEORGE (from the Group) is conducting. OVERTURE Bars 1 - 26 1. Cam. 1 / CU CONDUCTOR 2. Cam. 2 / CU BASS TROMBONE 3. Cam. 4 / CU TRIANGLE 4. Mix Cam. 2 / CU BASS TROMBONE SLOW ZOOM OUT 5. Cam. 4 / CU HARP
11 SCENE 2 (Cont) 6. Mix Cam. 1 / CU FLUTE 7. Mix Cam. 4 / CU HARP 8. Cam. 1 / CU CYMBALS ZOOM OUT 9. Mix Cam. 4 / CU CHORUS (C) 10. Cam. 1 / CU DRUM 11. Mix Cam. 4 / CU CHORUS 12. Mix Cam. 3 / CU TENORS 13. Mix Cam. 4 / CU SOPRANOS 14. Cam. 3 / NARRATOR CU NARRATOR (B) "Ladies and Gentlemen ... 15. Cam. 2 / CU CASTANETS 16. Cam. 3 / "The true story of ... CU NARRATOR 17. Mix Cam. 4 / "Two hundred motels ... CU CHORUS 18. Cam. 3 / "Two hundred motels ... CU NARRATOR
12 SCENE 2 (cont) 19. Cam. 2 / CU SLAPSTICK 20. Cam. 3 / NARRATOR CU NARRATOR "Life on the road ... 21. Cam. 2 / CU CYMBALS 22. Cam. 3 / CU NARRATOR He waves at camera. Very rapid track back zoom out and crane up. 23. Mix Cam. 4 / LOW WIDE ANGLE into lights. Zoom out from light to reveal DWARF descending (dressed like Frank). LARRY THE DWARF (He is being lowered on a wire) is descending into the concentration camp (B) clutching a large Aladdin- style lamp. 24. Super Cam. 2 / CU RATCHET 25. Super Cam. 1 / CU TRUMPETS 26. Super Cam. 2 / CU COW BELL 27. Cam. 4 / ZOOM OUT from DWARF. NARRATOR appears fore- ground right. "Ladies 'n Gentlemen! Here he is!
13 SCENE 2 (Cont) 28. Cam. 3 / CU CHORUS (Gasp) 29. Cam. 4 / Larry the Dwarf! CU NARRATOR 30. Cam. 3 / (Wild applause) CU CHORUS MUSIC ENDS
14 SCENE 3 2 mins Camera 1; C Camera 2; top end of M Camera 3; B Camera 4; E Orchestra mute, but in background throughout. Strike Chorus and Chow tables. No towers. Low key lighting on B. Boom near Newt Ranch, between camera 1 and 3. Seated next to the Orchestral Harpist is Mick Jagger, dressed as a Nun, sitting with a fake harp. 1. Cam. 3 / CU LARRY ZOOM OUT to 2 shot. LARRY is undoing his harness, NARRATOR foreground, left. He walks over to the Narrator's desk. As he comes, the NARRATOR produces a little sign which says, 'Larry the Dwarf' and places it on his desk. 2. Cam. 1 / NARRATOR (Aside) CU NARRATOR to camera. Larry likes to dress up funny. Tonight he is dressed up like Frank Zappa. Let's ask him what's his deal. 3. Cam. 2 / NARRATOR 2 shot. Hi Larry! It's really great to have you back on our panel! 4. Cam. 3 / LARRY CU LARRY It's really great to be back on your panel, Dave.
15 SCENE 3 (Cont) 5. Cam. 1 / NARRATOR 2 shot. I'm sure the people at home want to know why such a little dwarf as you is all dressed up like Frank Zappa. Tell me, Larry... What's the deal? 6. Cam. 2 / LARRY CU LARRY He made me do it, Dave. He's such a creep. He's making me hold ... 7. Cam. 3 / this Aladdin. CU LAMP 8. Cam. 2 / NARRATOR CU NARRATOR Why is he making you do that, Larry? 9. Cam. 1 / LARRY CU LARRY He wants me to fuck the girl with the harp. 10. Cam. 4 / CU MICK JAGGER Jagger, dressed as a Nun, is sitting next to the orchestral harpist, with a fake harp. 11. Cam. 2 / NARRATOR CU NARRATOR He wants YOU to fuck the girl with the harp? 12. Cam. 1 / LARRY CU LARRY No, with the magic lamp. He wants me to stuff it up her and rub it. 13. Cam. 2 / NARRATOR CU NARRATOR Let's ask our studio audience.
16 SCENE 3 (Cont) 14. Cam. 3 / NARRATOR CU NARRATOR If you'd just been lowered down here on TV by a wire connected ZOOM OUT to reveal all. to a brown leather harness, forced by a crazy person to insert a mysterious imported lamp into the reproductive orifice of a lady harpist and you were a dwarf ... would you do it? 15. Cam. 1 / (WILD ENTHUSIASTIC CHEERS) FULL SHOT ORCHESTRA 16. Cam. 3 / NARRATOR CU NARRATOR "Let's spin The Big Wheel, ZOOM OUT. Larry!" "THE BIG WHEEL" is wheeled in, through the Concentration Camp Gates and stops behind the NARRATOR's desk. "Go ahead. Give it a whirl. Whirl The Big Wheel". LARRY has to jump up to spin it. He gives it a powerful spin ... it looks as if it will never stop. ZOOM INTO Wheel: FRANK (voice over) What our studio audience doesn't know is that the reason Larry the Dwarf is doing all this stuff is because it's ... 17. Super TK (16 mm) / ... all part of the score to 200 Benchwork film of MOTELS. Every word, every 200 Motels score pages, action. The lamp. The repro- doctored. Sound continues. ductive orifice. It's all in the from before. score so he has to do it. This whole event is a fantasy that (The Sequence 2) occurred touring on the road. Touring can make you crazy, ladies and gentelmen. That is precisely what 200 MOTELS is all about. 18. Mix to Cam. 4 / CU MOTHERS setting up equipment on F.
17 SCENE 4 2½ mins. Orchestra play throughout in background "Touring Can Make You Crazy". Book 1, bars 37-76. Area A lit in red/yellow light to suggest camp-fire. Area F backlit. Action takes place in F and I. The Dancers are now dressed in semi-mod plastic raincoated street clothes. The Chorus are standing near the Conductor. Towers, chow tables, barbed-wire in. Front of groupies' house struck. Camera 1; in Area G Camera 3; in front of I Camera 2;) in Area E Camera 4;) (Camera 4 between 2 and 4) 1. Cam. 1. 2. 3. 4. / The MOTHERS are setting up their equipment. Bars 37-54 as directed. 2. Mix to Cam. 4 / CU ZAPPA ZAPPA is looking around the set from the Group's stage (F) He sees. 3. Cam. 1 / WA ZOOM past ZAPPA to GROUPIES' room. LUCY, JANET, PAM looking expectantly. 4. Cam. 3 / CU GROUPIES The GROUPIES.
18 SCENE 4 (Cont) 5. Cam. 1 / WA ZOOM PAST ZAPPA towards ORCHESTRA. He sees the ORCHESTRA and LARRY, still spinning his wheel (Area D) 6. Super Cam. 2 / CU HARPSICHORDIST'S FINGERS 7. WA Cam. 1 / ZAPPA foreground right. The DANCERS sift from A to H. He sees the DANCERS now approach- ing the group stage (Area H). They are all carrying instamatic cameras. 8. Mix to Cam. 3 / CU DANCERS The DANCERS look longingly at ZAPPA. 9. Mix to Cam. 4 / CU GROUPIES So do the GROUPIES. 10. Mix to Cam. 3 / CU ZAPPA ZOOM IN ZAPPA looks totally disinterested.
19 SCENE 5 3½ mins. Camera 1: Area G Camera 3: Area G Camera 4: Area E Camera 2: Area E (nearest wall) Orchestra play throughout, with only their stand lights ablaze - MUSIC - "What's the name of your Group". Orchestra, Chorus. The Dancers are crowing round group stage (in front of the Groupies' house) as before, equipped with instamatic cameras. The Soprano has a Polaroid camera. The Chorus is standing near the Conductor. A Soprano soloist stands in their midst trying to interview Zappa. She is wearing the most elaborate of mod street clothes - the latest plastic bag, belt, etc. Front of Groupies' House set in. 2 rows of theatre seats only. PROPS A life-size dummy, dressed as Zappa, with enormous rubber hands. Boom in between 1 and 3. 1. Cam. 1 / MCU SOPRANO ZOOM IN over ZAPPA's shoulder. (bar 3) She takes a photograph, and then sings. SOPRANO (sings) "I don't know very much about you ... I'm new at this you see. 2. Super Cam. 3 / SOPRANO PROFILE ZAPPA "We just come to do an Keep to right of screen. interview ... interview. 3. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO MCU SOPRANO "I'll just get out my little notebook and pen.
20 SCENE 5 (Cont) 4. Cam. 4 / MCU SOPRANO She rummages through her purse and pulls out a wretched cassette recorder, and tries to start it. (Bar 17) It does not work. She turns to ZAPPA and says: 5. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO I always have trouble working my tape recorder because I'm not very mechanical ... 6. Cam. 2 / CU PERCUSSION 7. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO I can never get it to work when (Bar 21) I want it, which is why I got my notebook with me here. 8. Cam. 2 / CU PERCUSSION 9. Cam. 4 / CU SOPRANO'S HAND ripping a page out of little spiral notebook. 10. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO (singing) CU SOPRANO Rapid ZOOM OUT to Why don't you tell me how FULL SHOT SOPRANO you're feeling about the world and DANCERS. today. 11. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO MCU ZAPPA ZOOM IN By the way what do you call your group ... call your group? 12. Intercutting SOPRANO and between Cam. 1 DANCERS are and Cam. 2 as shooting giant directed. barrage of flash- bulbs.
21 SCENE 5 (Cont) 13. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO's camera as she shoots another bulb. 14. Cam. 2 / WA DANCERS as they pull Polaroid tabs. 15. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO (singing) CU SOPRANO What the heck do you call your group? 16. Cam. 3 / CU ZAPPA'S FACE staring blankly. POSTRECORD ALSO 17. Super Cam. 4 / CU SOPRANO'S HANDS pulling tab on Polaroid camera. She turns to ZAPPA. 18. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO SINGING ZOOM OUT TO MS as I bet it's something freaky and SOPRANO gestures obscene ... an outasite yeah! towards DANCERS. I bet whatever the name of your group is that it's ... 19. Mix to Cam. 3 / CHORUS (singing) MS CHORUS Real far out an' groovy! 20. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO (spoken) CU SOPRANO I bet your group is real weird 'cause you look weird your- self ... 21. Cam. 4 / ... so many groups got such CU ZAPPA weird names today, it's so grinning. hard to catch up on it ... 22. Cam. 2 / WA DANCERS shooting short blast of flashbulbs.
22 SCENE 5 (Cont) 23. Mix to Cam. 3 / SOPRANO (spoken) CU ZAPPA You don't mind if we get some pictures, do you? 24. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO (spoken) WA DANCERS We got all kinds of cameras and ZOOM into SOPRANO. bulbs and wide angle lenses to make you look ... 25. Mix to Cam. 2 / CU WOODWINDS 26. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO ... just like a depraved troll, or something of that nature ... make you look real weird and far fuckin' out! 27. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO CU GROTESQUE LENS as SOPRANO adjusts it. (bar 54) I'll just stick this lens on here and fix it so you look like a creep. POSTRECORD 28. Cam. 1 / CAPTION CU ZAPPA distorted. 29. Mix to Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU CAPTION OF "ECSTASY FACE" The kids who read our rock and MAGAZINE roll newspaper like to see famous musicians who look far out and groovy! 30. Cam. 3 / BARITONES & BASSES (singing) DANCERS (Lip Syncing) Real far out Far-fuckin' out Far-fuckin' out 'n groovy.
23 SCENE 5 (Cont) 31. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO (singing) CU SOPRANO I'll get this hot and then I'll get my book and ask a bunch more fascinating stuff. 32. Super Cam. 2 / CU HORN 33. Mix Cam. 3 / CHORUS (singing) ZOOM IN & PAN RIGHT ROUND DANCERS. When is your next L.P. to be (Lip Syncing) released, and how long have you been growing; how long have you been growing your hair? Have you been to England yet, and how do they like your music over there? How do they like it? 34. Super Cam. 1 / SOPRANO (singing) CU SOPRANO How do they like it? Lose Super CHORUS (singing) How do they like it? How do they like your music over there ... over there 35. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO (spoken) CU SOPRANO I bet the first time you went over there it was really exciting and heavy and far-fuckin' out ... I bet it was groovy vibes over there ... so European! 36. Mix to Cam. 3 / CU FRANK FRANK gets up from chair and walks away from SOPRANO.
24 SCENE 5 (Cont) 37. Super Cam. 1 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO I can just imagine you and your little group ... going all over Europe ... Paris ... Rome ... Essen ... even the Vienna Woods! 38. Mix Cam. 4 / CU ENGLISH HORN PLAYER 39. Cam. 3 / MS FRANK. FRANK returns to chair and places dummy on it. The dummy has enormous rubber hands. 40. Mix Cam. 4 / CU PICCOLO PLAYER ZOOM OUT FULL SHOT WINDS and PERCUSSION. NOTE: 1. Post-Record shots 16 and 17. 2. Post-Record shots 28 and 29.
25 SCENE 6 30 secs Camera 3; in Area A, looking towards H Camera 4; in Area D Camera 1; in top end of Area M Camera 2; in Area 5 (parallel with Groupies' House) Boom next to Camera 2. Soprano is wearing the most elaborate of mod street clothes - the latest plastic bag, belt, etc. The Dancers (semi-mod) are standing around amazed. Fences, stage side only, set in. 1. Cam. 4 / Repeat last note of music. CU CONDUCTOR (RANCE MUHAMMITZ) 2. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO Wait a minute ... I just want to verify a rumour I heard. (to dummy) Is it true that in the Autumn of 1968, you and a bunch of other little rock n' roll musicians actually held a secret rehearsal with members of the BBC Symphony ... 3. SUPER TK PUB REHEARSAL SEQUENCE / in the back room of an exotic (The Sequence 3) Old English pub out on Seven Sisters Road, and there, unbe- knownst to the outside world at large did proceed to illicitly manufacture a semi pornographic situation comedy Rock & Roll stage show based on all the reasons why everybody wants to quit your group ... whatever you call it. 4. Intercut with Cam. 2 as directed / 5. Cam. 1 / CU ZAPPA who is standing in front of orchestra. He shrugs.
26 SCENE 7 1½ mins. TK PUB PUB REHEARSAL SEQUENCE 16 mm Picture (MUTE) TK SEQUENCE 3.
27 SCENE 8 30 secs. Camera 3; In Area A looking at percussion. Camera 1; In top end of Area M. Camera 2; In Area H (Parallel with Groupies house) Camera 4; In Area D Orchestra (percussion section only) Bars 88 - 95a. "What's the name of your Group" Towers not necessary. 1. Last 30 secs. of TK PUB REHEARSAL SEQUENCE (The SEQ. 3) (Music plays under TK) SUPER 2. Cam. 3 / CU PERCUSSION 3. Cam. 2 / CU RUTH (AREA E) 4. Cam. 1 / CU PERCUSSION 5. Cam. 4 / CU RUTH
28 SCENE 9 30 secs. Camera 3; in Area A looking at Percussion Camera 1; in top of Area M Camera 2; in Area H Camera 4; in Area H (parallel with Groupies house) No Towers. Dancers (semi-mod) are listening in to Soprano's questions. 1. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO (To Dummy) 2 SHOT RUTH & CONDUCTOR Isn't it true that you (RANCE MUHAMMITZ) put this show together against all known laws of man and nature (including costumes) in three days, except for the music you wrote. 2. SUPER TK (VIENNA SEQUENCE) / (The Sequence 4) in some moderately extravagant Viennese Hotel? The same hotel where you made some questionable 16 mm movies of your wife and an unidentified foot? 3. Cam. 2 / CU ZAPPA in front of Orchestra. He shrugs.
29 SCENE 10 1 min FILM INSERT OF VIENNA SEQUENCE TK SEQUENCE 4. ORCHESTRA / MOTHERS INSTRUMENTAL TO BE PRE-RECORDED
30 SCENE 11 45 secs. Camera 1; in Area B (sideways) Camera 2; in Area E) ) All pointed towards Orchestra Camera 4; in Area D) Camera 3; in Area H watching FRANK Orchestra (without the strings) bars 96 - 116a Full lighting No Fences Dancers (semi-mod) are still looking on, amazed. 1. Cam. 3 / MS FRANK FRANK removes mustache and goatee from DUMMY 2. Cam. 2 / CU SIDE DRUM 3. Super Cam. 3 / FRANK pastes goatee on SOPRANO. He then pastes the mustache on SOPRANO. 4. Cam. 1 / CU SIDE DRUM 5. Cam. 2 / CU RUTH 6. Cam. 3 / CU SOPRANO She looks blankly at CAMERA 7. Mix to Cam. 4 / 8. Cam. 3 / MS FRANK He lifts the DUMMY from the chair. 9. Super Cam. 3 / CU RUTH
31 SCENE 11 (Cont) 45 secs. 10. Mix to Cam. 2 / CU BASS TROMBONE 11. Mix to Cam. 1 / CU CONTRA BASSOON 12. Mix to Cam. 4 / CU BASS TROMBONE
32 SCENE 12 15 secs. Camera 3; in Area H Camera 1; in top of Area M Camera 2; in Area H Camera 4; in Area H (parallel with Groupies House) G HERBIE & ZAPPA are standing at the top of M. Dancers (semi-mod) continue to be amazed. 1. Cam. 3 / MS FRANK FRANK hands the DUMMY off the stage to SOPRANO. She hands it to a couple of DANCERS who support it while she continues to interview it. 2. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO (To Dummy) CU RUTH It has also been rumoured that you persisted in mounting your silly little production, even against the best judgement of ... 3. Cam. 1 / HERBIE CU HERBIE He smiles Herbie Cohen ... 4. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO CU RUTH ... having the audacity to perform it twice in one night at the very Royal Festival Hall itself! Welch MELODY MAKER review. 5. Cam. 1 / CU ZAPPA He shrugs
33 SCENE 13 2½ mins FILM INSERT OF FESTIVAL HALL SHOW TK SEQUENCE 5.
34 SCENE 14 Camera 1; in Area C ) Pointing at Orchestra Camera 2; in Area E ) Camera 3; in Area H ) These start by following dancers; Camera 4; in Area H ) Then move to Orchestra. Full Orchestra (bar 117) Pianos on Conductor's left. The Dancers (semi-mod) cue thrown the Dummy by Frank and do their own interviews with it. Intercutting as directed. 1. Cam. 4 / CU DANCERS 2. Cam. 3 / CU DUMMY 3. Cam. 4 / CU 4. Cam. 3 / CU 5. Cam. 4 / CU 6. Cam. 3 / CU 7. Cam. 4 / CU 8. Mix to inlay of Cam. 2 / CU PICCOLO 9. Mix to Cam. 3 / CU SAXES 10. Mix to Cam. 4 / CU RUTH
35 SCENE 14 (Cont) 11. Mix to Cam. 1 / CU CLARINET 12. Mix to Cam. 3 / CU FLUTES 13. Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPET (Cam. 4 goes back to DANCERS) 14. Mix to Cam. 3 / CU BASS FLUTE 15. Cam. 2 / CU IAN 16. Cam. 3 / CU SAXES 17. Mix to Cam. 4 / MS DANCERS Several dancers are struggling over the DUMMY, and accidentally rip the top of the head off. 18. Cam. 3 / CU CYMBALS 19. Cam. 2 / CU TRUMPETS 20 Cam. 1 / HIGH WA PIANOS ZOOM IN FAST. 21 Cam. 4 / MS DUMMY ZOOM IN We see that some of the stuffing is hanging out of the DUMMY.
36 SCENE 15 2 mins. Camera 1; in E pointing towards Group Stage / Orchestra Camera 2; in G pointing towards Group Stage Camera 3; in D pointing towards Group Stage / Orchestra Camera 4; in H pointing towards Group Stage Boom at side of Camera 4 Orchestra Group in background still setting up their equipment. Soprano, Dancers. They are crowding round Group Stage dressed in mod street clothes. Chorus are standing by the Conductor. Zappa has gone Set in 2 rows of seats in Area H. 1. Cam. 1 / HIGH WA DANCERS The DANCERS gather in a circle to get more pictures. 2. Cam. 3 / CU DUMMY 3. Mix to Cam. 4 / WA DANCERS The DANCERS are still clustered round the stage, popping off their flash bulbs. 4. Cam. 2 / CU SOPRANO She forces her way into the circle and squats near the rumpled DUMMY.
37 SCENE 15 (Cont) 5. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO (singing) CU SOPRANO I don't know much about your stuff, I been a little busy. 6. Cam. 4 / CU SOPRANO This won't take long 7. Cam. 1 / CU SOPRANO Just a few questions 8. Cam. 2 / This won't take long. VBCU SOPRANO'S MOUTH Just a few questions. 9. Super Cam. 4 / CU CAMERA FLASHES 10. Cam. 3 / MS SOPRANO She is fumbling with the head of the DUMMY. The DANCERS leave the Stage Area. 11. Cam. 2 / CU SMALL CYMBAL 12. Cam. 1 / CU TRIANGLE 13. Cam. 2 / CU SMALL CYMBAL 14. Super Cam. 3 / SOPRANO (singing) CU SOPRANO'S MOUTH This won't take long just a few questions just a few questions - 15. Cam. 1 / CU FIELD DRUM ZOOM OUT
38 SCENE 15 (Cont) 16. Super Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPET 17. Cam. 3 / CU PIANIST'S HANDS 18. Cam. 2 / CU GONG. ZOOM IN & DE-FOCUS 19. Cam. 4 / DE-FOCUSED FOCUS UP to see AREAS H & G DESERTED. 20. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO (singing) WA DESERTED AREA This won't take long ZOOM INTO DUMMY This won't take long This won't take long The DANCERS are gone. This won't take long The SOPRANO sits next This won't take long to the DUMMY. This won't take long
39 SCENE 16 "CAN I HELP YOU WITH THIS DUMMY" Orchestra. Soprano. Rance. The deserted area in front of F. Camera 1; in E ) Camera 2; in G ) Pointing towards H. Camera 3; in D ) Camera 4; in L ) MUSIC STARTS 1. Cam. 1 / LOW W. A. SOPRANO in foreground. RANCE walks towards her. RANCE (singing) Can I ... Ahem! ... 2. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO Oh, you startled me. She rubs herself with the dummy's big hands. Mmmmm ... Mmmmm ... 3. Cam. 1 / RANCE CU RANCE Can I ... help you with this dummy? 4. Cam. 3 / CU DUMMY 5. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO (singing) CU SOPRANO He's not very Very ... heavy Ha ha ha ha ha ha 6. Cam. 3 / Ha! CU DUMMY She pulls off his goatee beard.
40 SCENE 16 (Cont) 7. Cam. 2 / 2 SHOT DUMMY & SOPRANO Ha! Just look at this! She pulls dummy hand out of blouse. 8. Cam. 4 / CU DUMMY Holds up dummy arm and shakes it. 9. Cam. 2 / Dummy! 2 SHOT DUMMY SOPRANO 10. Cam. 4 / CU SOPRANO A silly dummy that. This could never be very heavy ... 11. Cam. 1 / RANCE MS RANCE SOPRANO Ho! Ho! Ho! 12. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO She disentangles herself Heh, heh, heh! from the DUMMY. 13. Cam. 1 / RANCE 2 SHOT RANCE & SOPRANO You were performing an unnatural act with that dummy! SOPRANO No! I wasn't really. ZOOM into RANCE RANCE You were getting hot with it ... I saw yer rubbing. Heh! heh! heh! 14. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO What do you ... what sort of a ... why should a person like myself be ... no ... no ... no ...
41 SCENE 16 (Cont) 15. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE All the way from over there I saw you! 16. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO No! No! No! RANCE You were beating off or some- thing ... you were working up to a beating off. 17. Cam. 2 / RANCE CU RANCE You were rubbing your tits with the deformed head of a dummy! Shame on you! Shame on every one of you. 18. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO No! No! Oh! I'm so ashamed. Yes, oh yes, I'm so terribly ashamed! 19. Cam. 3 / RANCE WA You rock 'n roll interviewers are all alike. Masturbating! SOPRANO Yes, oh yes, you caught me doing it! 20. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO Mostly, I just do it with a typewriter ... 21. Cam. 1 / RANCE CU RANCE Did you get any gratification?
42 SCENE 16 (Cont) 22. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO Lots of great pictures. MUSIC ENDS. ZOOM OUT RANCE We'd better hurry. There's three of the old members of the group waiting in the fake night club. SOPRANO You don't mind if I bring this along too, do you? ... just for atmosphere. 23. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU DUMMY ... or continuity 24. Cam. 1 / MS RANCE & SOPRANO (plus doll) Exit towards night club (T)
43 SCENE 17 5 mins. Camera 1; looking into Area X Camera 2; looking into Area X Camera 3; in Area X Camera 4; in Area X Interior of Night Club:- The Orchestra is playing an instrumental ensemble in the background throughout. Inlaid on a screen hanging above bar (chroma key) is an enormous blow-up of Frank. This is part of Don Preston's light show. Don Preston, Jim Black and Motorhead are seated in the club. 1. Cam. 3 / WA (looking over DON PRESTON'S SHOULDER we see RANCE & SOPRANO enter, dragging DUMMY) 2. Cam. 4 / DON PRESTON 2 SHOT DON & JIMMY CARL Here they come. BLACK JIMMY CARL BLACK Well it's about time. 3. Cam. 1 / MOTORHEAD WA MOTORHEAD Frank looks pretty tired. He musta just done an interview. 4. Cam. 2 / RANCE WA RANCE Hello lads. Shall we begin? RANCE slumps DUMMY into a booth. 5. Cam. 4 / CU DUMMY
44 SCENE 17 (Cont) 6. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO I should get their names first ... for the big story I'm going to write! 7. Cam. 2 / DON PRESTON CU DON PRESTON I'm Don Preston, also known as Don De Wilde or Bif Debris, depending on the spiritual evolvement of the role I'm supposed to play. 8. Cam. 1 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK I'm Jimmy Carl Black, The Indian of the Group ... 9. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO What group? 10. Cam. 1 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Forget it. 11. Cam. 2 / MOTORHEAD CU MOTORHEAD I'm Euclid James Motorhead Sherwood. I came in last in the Baritone Sax category of the Down Beat Readers Poll for 1970. 12. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE Gentlemen. I'm sure you're all aware of the fact that we're in an imaginary town. 13. Cam. 1 / MOTORHEAD 3 SHOT MOTORHEAD, DON, I could tell JIMMY CARL BLACK right away.
45 SCENE 17 (Cont) 14. Cam. 4 / DON PRESTON WA DON PRESTON Right ... the vibes. 15. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE And of course you know that this is a fake night club that doubles as an underground cinema and I'm supposed to own it. 16. Cam. 4 / JIMMY CARL BLACK WA JIMMY CARL BLACK What's your name supposed to be? 17. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE My real name is Theodore Bikel, but for the movie you shall call me RANCE MUHAMMITZ. 18. Cam. 2 / JIMMY CARL BLACK WA JIMMY CARL BLACK RANCE MUHAMMITZ? That's the stupidest name I ever heard of? 19. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE You must remember than within the conceptual framework of this film's event, nothing really matters. It is possible for many subjective realities to co-exist, it is possible that all things are a deception of the senses ... 20. Cam. 1 / DON PRESTON 2 SHOT DON PRESTON & The functioning of our senses has RANCE been spiritually impaired and chemically corrupted because of artificial food colouring! We must evolve! We must progress! There must be growth!
46 SCENE 17 (Cont) 21. Cam. 1 / MOTORHEAD WA MOTORHEAD Yeah ... macriobatic food & tie- die shirts! 22. Cam. 1 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Listen ... I just wanna know two things ... is there any beer in this fake night club and when do we get paid? 23. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO WA SOPRANO What sort of beer do you drink, Jimmy Carl Black? 24. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO (VOICE OVER) CU SOPRANO This is good human-interest material for the big story I'm going to write! let me rephrase that: what KIND of beer do you drink? 25. Cam. 1 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Any old beer I can get my mouth on ... don't make a shit to me ... 26. Cam. 4 / RANCE WA RANCE You'll have to wait a few moments, then you can have all the imaginary beer you want. I was just going to explain some of the things you'll all be doing in the movie. 27. Cam. 2 / DON PRESTON CU DON PRESTON I've been wondering about that. 28. Cam. 4 / WA RANCE Removes a sheaf of rumpled papers and music from a briefcase and puts on some wire- rimmed spectacles
47 SCENE 17 (Cont) 28. Continued RANCE Hmmm ... yes, uh ... for Sherwood we have a vacuum cleaner scheduled and a potential epileptic seizure during a production number later ... 29. Cam. 3 / WA The VACUUM CLEANER dances in. ... I thought you might want to get acquainted ... says in the overall plan here that you two are supposed to be in love ... no ... just good friends. 30. Cam. 4 / WA The VACUUM CLEANER trots over to MOTORHEAD and snorks a greeting. MOTORHEAD snorks back. ZOOM INTO VACUUM CLEANER 31 Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO This abnormal relationship will be great for the big story I'm going to write! 32 Cam. 2 / RANCE MS RANCE reading instructions Mr. Preston will be playing a highly evolved and spiritual role, which means we'll have to call him Bif Debris for the rest of the movie. 33 Cam. 1 / DON/BIF CU DON/BIF What am I supposed to do?
48 SCENE 17 (Cont) 34. Cam. 4 / RANCE WA RANCE It says here that you are my nephew. You are wise because you have travelled the world. You have been to London, Paris & Berlin. You know the ropes. You practise Yoga. You meditate. You play the synthesizer. You operate a fake light show in this imaginary night club. You will be Motorhead's guru, repair the expresso machine when it blows up, and 35. Cam. 2 / CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Jim Black owes you five dollars. 36. Cam. 1 / DON/BIF CU DON/BIF I thought I was going to get a chance to act ... to emote ... wear a big cape and a black hat. 37. Cam. 4 / RANCE MS RANCE It says you get to wear a big cape with a black hat and you can transform into a monster whenever you want to. 38. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO The very presence of a monster person in this imaginary town has a definite bearing on the news value of the TV Special they will make from the big story I'm going to write. 39. Cam. 1 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Listen ... I just wanna know one thing ... when do we get paid? 40. Cam. 4 / RANCE CU RANCE Don't you even care what you do?
49 SCENE 17 (Cont) 41. Cam. 1 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK So long as I get some beer and I get paid, you can make me do anything ... I'M PROFESSIONAL! 42. Cam. 4 / RANCE (to JIMMY CARL BLACK) CU RANCE None of this seems weird to you? 43. Cam. 3 / JIMMY CARL BLACK WA JIMMY CARL BLACK Look here, MUHAMMITZ or whatever the fuck they call you. I don't even give a shit ... I've got five fuckin' kids at home an' ... can she lend me a coupla dollars till the end of the week? Who are you anyway? 44. Cam. 4 / RANCE WA RANCE This is Leslie, my niece ... she writes for an imaginary Rock & Roll newspaper in San Francisco ... 45. Cam. 1 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACk ... just till the weekend? 46. Cam. 2 / DON/BIF CU DON/BIF Here, Indian ... says I'm supposed to lend you five dollars so you can owe it to me ... wait a minute ... 47. Cam. 4 / (to MOTORHEAD) CU DON You got any bread? 48. Cam. 3 / MOTORHEAD (to VACUUM WA MOTORHEAD CLEANER) Over MOTORHEAD's shoulder You got any bread?
50 SCENE 17 (Cont) 48. Continued The VACUUM CLEANER just sits there like it doesn't understand ... MOTORHEAD snorks to it a couple of times ... it understands, reaches its hand into the end of its hose, stops for a moment, dances over to the SOPRANO and snorks a few times. 49. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO What's he saying? to Motorhead: What's he saying? 50. Cam. 1 / MOTORHEAD CU MOTORHEAD He want's to know if you can lend him a coupla bucks till the weekend. 51 Cam. 4 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO I have to go now and write my big story I'm going to write. I'll send you a copy when I'm finished writing it ... you have any idea where you'll be in six months? She EXITS. 52 Cam. 1 / JIMMY CARL BLACK (whispering CU JIMMY CARL BLACK to RANCE) She fuck?
51 SCENE 18 2 mins. Camera 1; in Area E Camera 2; in Area G Camera 3; in Area H Camera 4; in Area H Orchestra. Group. Chorus (off screen). The Group is playing "Went on the Road". Area F is backlit. Camera 1, 2, and 3 as directed. Camera 4 / GROUP CU VOCALISTS Went on the road for a month touring What a drag. Y'gotta go - Even if you'd rather be at home Flaked out in Hollywood, Drove to Inglewood, and then we dumped all our shit 'n took a plane at five o' three What's it gonna be? MARK (spoken) Chicken, beef or turkey? GROUP La, la, la, la. MARK (spoken) Would you like a snack? GROUP Ah! Just arrived. Gee, this place is thrilling! Camera 4 / MARK CU MARK I'd give my soul for a double cheeseburger ... from a famous American Burger Chain with a symbol in the parking lot that's yellow plastic goes like this ... (he gestures) NOTE: This shot to be freeze- framed later.
52 SCENE 19 Camera 4; in front of Y The Scene to be superimposed on the freeze-frame last shot of Scene 18. From an enormous puff of colored smoke, RANCE, wearing a postman's hat, carrying his steaming briefcase, walks to middle of LS from Right. Cam. 4 / RANCE LS RANCE Special delivery for a Mister Volman ... Mister Volman? ... are you Volman? (with the superimposition RANCE will appear to be looking up VOLMAN'S NOSTRIL) VOICES-OFF (filtered) HOWARD Do you smell something weird? MARK (sniff, sniff) ... it's a double cheeseburger ... from a famous American Burger Chain with a symbol in the parking lot that's yellow plastic and goes like this ... in a steaming briefcase. Thunderclap. Lightning flash.
53 SCENE 20 Camera 2, 3, & 4; in front of F. MARK, HOWARD & JEFF are pretending to be frozen. RANCE is trying to wake them up. At the editing stage, 20 dissolves out of last shot of 19. 1. Cam. 3 / CU HOWARD who is frozen. 2. Cam. 2 / RANCE (to HOWARD) MS STEAMING BRIEFCASE. I'll bet you're Volman ... PAN UP TO RANCE 3. Cam. 4 / HOWARD (points to MARK) CU HOWARD He's Volman ... who are you? 4. Cam. 3 / RANCE (addressing all three) 3 SHOT RANCE, HOWARD & MARK I am ... uh ... you can call me RANCE MUHAMMITZ. 5. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD We did already ... I called "Rance" and he called you "Muhammitz" ... just a few minutes ago at the beginning of that song. 6. Cam. 2 / RANCE (a little sinister) CU RANCE Of course you did, lads ... I was in the fake night club across the street with an Indian gentlemen and sensed a need on your behalf to communicate with me ... or you wouldn't have called, would you? 7. Cam. 3 / JEFF 3 SHOT We didn't actually call you ... JEFF & MARK we just said "Rance" and "Muhamminns" a couple times... I just said "Framminns" myself.
54 SCENE 20 (Cont) 7. Continued MARK We said "RUTH!" in there too ... does that count? 8. Cam. 2 / RANCE (still sinister) CU RANCE I am known by many names ... and I'm at your service whenever you choose to call. 9. Cam. 3 / JEFF CU JEFF You're the mail man in this town, right? That a mail man hat? Is it a real one? 10. Cam. 2 / RANCE CU RANCE You're Simmons, is that correct? Yes ... yes, Simmons, I do a few odd jobs here in Centerville ... I'm sort of the general proprietor of its major industries, its lakes, its parks, its lavish recreational facilities ZOOM OUT to include ... its homes HOWARD HOWARD Shit, you're really versatile ... 11 Cam. 4 / RANCE (modestly) CU RANCE It's nothing, lads, really ... I get paid to do this just like everybody else. One day you fix an election ... the next day you deliver the mail. We in government have a wide range of services to provide for ... the man in the street. By the way, Mister Volman ... I ZOOM OUT to MS have your cheeseburger ... (RANCE pulls it steaming from his briefcase) ... would you care to sign for it? RANCE pulls a mysterious parchment scroll out of his coat pocket.
55 SCENE 20 (Cont) 12. Cam. 2 / MS MARK and ZOOM IN MARK'S face realizes that there is more to the cheeseburger than he bargained for. MARK'S EYES shift desperately. There is a dramatic pause. Silence. We see only MARK'S FACE as he decides. 13. Super Cam. 4 / CU RANCE'S HAND SUPER RANCE'S HAND with steaming cheese- burger. JEFF (VOICE OVER) casually You gonna eat that cheeseburger JEFF'S HAND reaches Mark? (in the SUPERED SHOT) for the mystery burger. RANCE'S HAND pulls out of frame. JEFF'S HAND pulls out, unwrapping the burger. We hear the waxed paper crinkling and JEFF chewing but continue to watch MARK'S EXPRESSION He turns disgustedly to JEFF, looks him up and down, then turns toward HOWARD and says ... MARK (wearily amused) Fuckin' guy'll eat anything ... 14. Mix Cam. 2 / RANCE (off CAMERA to JEFF) CU JEFF, CHEWING This is registered ... er ... a registered delivery. You'll have to SIGN for it. JEFF (chewing) Sure, man ... I'll sign for it. Where's the pencil?
56 SCENE 20 (Cont) 14. Continued RANCE (off CAMERA) I don't wish to alarm you, my son, but ... the signature will have to be ... in blood ... JEFF (casually, still chewing) I don't have any blood ... I'm too wan ... no shit ... I saw Ted Mack in the Jacksonville Sheraton ... that's exactly what he told me ... 15. Cam. 4 / RANCE (agitated, growing CU RANCE ominous) I'll rent some blood ... you still must sign! You took the mystery burger! You're in FULL possession of THE BURGER ... JEFF (off CAMERA, chewing) Forget it, man ... call my service ... we'll have lunch ... PAN RIGHT with RANCE CAMERA follows RANCE as he walks over and stares directly into JEFF'S FACE (still chewing) 2 SHOT. RANCE & JEFF RANCE (ominous) Do you know who I am ... DO YOU KNOW WHO I REALLY AM? 16. Cam. 3 / MARK (slightly aggressive) CU MARK Really, man ... who do you think you are? 17. Cam. 4 / JEFF (chewing last of the burger) 2 SHOT RANCE & JEFF Yeah, man ... really ... what's the deal? You want me to tell you who I really think you are?
57 SCENE 20 (Cont) 18. Cam. 2 / HOWARD (confused) CU HOWARD Somebody tell ME ... who is this guy? 19. Cam. 3 / JEFF (explains first to GROUP WA GROUP then to CAMERA) I'll give it to you in technical terms ... I just ate the burger, right? Well ... (devotional voice) ... 20. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF ... just as the human body, as a result of stuffing food into it, must relieve itself eventually of noxious wastes and grocery by-products ... and a factory spew garbage into the air and water, fouling the biosphere, as a result of the endless quest for higher productivity, so it is that you ... as a fake devil surrogate, live on stage at the Centerville Vetrans Memorial Arena represent only one small dribble from the discharge of a diseased imagin- ation belonging to the guy who is paying me to say this, and who shall go nameless at this time ... rent the blood ... I don't give a shit. DISSOLVE The sound trails away into echo. This out of focus shot to be mixed later with the first shot of Scene 21.
58 SCENE 21 2 mins. (bar 114) "Centerville" Camera 1; in Area N Camera 2; in Area W, looking through K Camera 3; in Area G Camera 4; in Area I Orchestra. Group. Groupies. Chorus (off screen). Dancers. Mark and Howard leave the rest of the group on stage and wander around Centerville. Radio mics. Dancers are dressed in 1940's Centerville street clothes. The citizens are: 3 housewives, 1 policeman, 2 kids, 1 soda-jerk, 1 politician, 2 blue-collar workers, 1 WAC (service type). Each citizen is carrying a cardboard cut-out extra person. Towers and fences set in. 1A. Cam. 3 / CU MARK (Exactly the same shot as the last of scene 18) 1B. Cam. 4 / CU GROUPIES 2. Cam. 3 / CU MARK and HOWARD as they leave stage. ZOOM OUT and TRACK BACK. "Centerville ... GROUPIES appear in A real nice place to raise left of screen. your kids up. They enter the street. Centerville ... Still TRACKING BACK It's really neat. 3. Cam. 1 / Churches! MS Liquor Store. Arm swinging to simulate walking.
59 SCENE 21 (Cont) 4. Mix to Cam. 4 / STILL TRACKING BACK. 5. Cam. 1 / Churches! MS Liquor Store. 6. Mix to Cam. 4 / And liquor stores ... Still TRACKING BACK. 7. Cam. 3 / MS DANCERS stagger out of liquor store (K) and pass behind MARK and HOWARD, and go into Butcher's shop (L) (Cam. 3 now hides in W) 8. Cam. 4 / Bowling Alleys. (now tucked 2 SHOT MARK in beyond N) and HOWARD 9. Cam. 1 / 2 SHOT MARK and HOWARD. ZOOM OUT, TRACK Just like Glendale. BACK and CRANE UP, revealing people watching them from P. 10. Cam. 4 / MOTORHEAD comes out of the NEWT RANCH with his industrial vacuum cleaner, and looks at MARK. PAN LEFT to see MARK looking at him. 11. Cam. 3 / (now in 2 SHOT. MARK front of P) and HOWARD turn to look up Fifth Avenue (J) GROUPIES cross Look ... Over there. shot from right to left and go into Rancid Boutique (K).
60 SCENE 21 (Cont) 11. Continued CAMERA follows It's a rancid boutique. them in. 12. Cam. 2 / (from GROUPIES enter inside K) shop. 13. Cam. 3 / Over MARK and HOWARD's shoulder into rancid boutique. ZOOM INTO GROUPIE activity. MARK and HOWARD turn You know what kind of a girl to CAMERA. works in a boutique! 14. Cam. 2 / CU GROUPIES. 15. Cam. 4 / HOWARD 2 SHOT. MARK and HOWARD The kind of girl with a sister who wears a brassiere to a pop festival. They walk away from Forget the rancid boutique. rancid boutique disgusted. There's no chance to get any action in this town. This place has got to be the bottom line ... The lowest ... 16. Cam. 3 / LUCY (excited) MS Rancid boutique ZOOM INTO GROUPIE Janet! Did you see those guys activity. with the hair? NOTE: Cam. 1 now goes and parks itself in C, looking towards E. 17. Cam. 2 / JANET (unimpressed) 2 SHOT JANET and LUCY It's those guys from the fake stage across from our house.
61 SCENE 21 (Cont) 18. Cam. 3 / LUCY (eroticized) CU LUCY I get so excited when somebody from a group gets near me ... I just ... I just ... (pant, gasp, etc.) 19. Cam. 2 / JANET (wisely) 2 SHOT JANET and LUCY Eeeeuuooo! Don't you have any taste? That one guy's got gray hair and the other one's too fat. LUCY They looked so lonely ... 20. Cam. 3 / JANET CU JANET Lonely? Good evening, honey ... They looked desperate! Desperate Pop Stars are so depressing when they been on the road for a long time and they finally get some action ... 21. Cam. 2 / LUCY 2 SHOT JANET and LUCY They drool on you. JANET Really ... all that stuff comes out of their mouth when they're on top of you ... it's so mo-shay ... eeeuuooo! 22. Cam. 3 / LUCY CU LUCY Eeeuuuooo ... on the pillows ... 23. Cam. 2 / JANET 2 SHOT JANET and LUCY ... but I like the drummer ... with the rivets on his clothes he's not bad. LUCY Yeah ... I seen him too! He just screams ENGLISHNESS ... with the little haircut and the rings ...
62 SCENE 21 (Cont) 23. Continued JANET ... and the binoculars ... 24. Cam. 3 / LUCY CU LUCY Binoculars? 25. Cam. 2 / JANET 2 SHOT JANET and LUCY Didn't you notice his binoculars? 26. Cam. 3 / LUCY CU LUCY No ... he's got BINOCULARS? 27. Cam. 2 / JANET 2 SHOT JANET and LUCY He watches us through 'em ... he's a pervert. 28. Cam. 3 / LUCY Eeeuuooo! Really? I get hot just thinking about perversions ... mmmmm ... binoculars! Maybe we could meet him in the fake night club and find out if he really is perverted! 29. Cam. 2 / JANET 2 SHOT JANET and LUCY Just take my word for it ... HE IS PERVERTED! 30. Cam. 3 / LUCY CU LUCY Mmmmmm ... and English, too! 31. Cam. 2 / JANET 2 SHOT JANET and LUCY They're all that way.
63 SCENE 21 (Cont) 32. Cam. 3 / MS JANET and LUCY They let the beads fall back in place, and retreat into the depths of the rancid boutique, laughing and mumbling ad libs about what they'll do when they meet AYNSLEY in the fake night club. CAMERA TRACKS BACK to reveal LARRY, outside the Boutique. The lights dim except for a lonely spot on LARRY, He is still dressed as ZAPPA, holding the lamp. He is seated on a stack of newspapers near some empty coke bottles. LARRY (to CAMERA) When you go on tour with a musical group, it's possible that any town can seem like this ... whether it's large or small or busy or if there's nothing happening in it. The reason for this is quite simple. A musician, if you consider the normal pattern of modern civilised life, is on the outside of it all ... he doesn't work regular hours like a decent God-fearing citizen ... the life he leads might, in many ways, seem useless and irrelevant to those of us who prefer a quiet evening in front of the television and a bottle of beer. Amazing as it might seem to some of us, musicians have basic physical needs, just like real people. Many of them study for years ... learning to play a violin, for instance ... only to be rewarded with a humdrum job in the fourth row of a symphonic string section ...
64 SCENE 21 (Cont) 32. Continued CAMERA 3 TRACKS with him as he stands, tucks the lamp under his arm, and walks around the corner toward the concentration camp. The Orchestra is rehearsing quietly on the pizzicato section of the "TUNA SANDWICH BALLET" ... GEORGE DUKE is conducting. LARRY con- tinues to narrate as he walks. LARRY That's one of the reasons the Government has constructed at great expense, this Experimental Re-orientation Facility ... He gestures toward the camp. to find a way, perhaps, to re- train these useless old musicians with their brown fiddles and little horns ... give them a useful trade; a reason to exist in a modern world ... a change for a happier, more productive life. LARRY enters the con- centration Camp. Some will enter the military. Some will learn shorthand. The CHORUS (new Unfortunately, some will dis- prisoners) are frog-marched appear in the middle of the passed LARRY into the camp, night on a special train they're whipped by RANCE and sending in ... it's the only way, HERBIE. really, to bring about a final solution to the Orchestra Question. 33. Cam. 1 / WA LARRY in foreground left. In the distance, The Mothers are on Group Stage in all its fraudulent Grand- eur. The Orchestral plink- ing subsides and is replaced by quiet distant rock and roll tune up noises. LARRY, still in foreground continues: I'm sure most of us realize that a Pop Group will earn a vast amount of money, compared to these other kind of musicians.
65 SCENE 21 (Cont) 33. Continued LARRY (Continued) That's basically why the special Government Agencies in charge of Mass Response Programming and Psychological Stultification prefer to treat them in another, more subtle manner. They know, just as many of you vigilant and thoroughly upstanding citizens might have discovered for yourselves, the power of Pop Music to corrupt and putrefy the minds of World Youth are virtu- ally limitless. 34. Cam. 4 / CU AYNSLEY PROFILE on Group Stage, seated at Drum Kit, bent over to AYNSLEY (still bent over and fix his bass drum pedal. grunting) Mmmf ... this bloody thing ... DICK! Where's Dick? Bring me the screwdriver! 35. Cam. 2 / WA Over AYNSLEY'S SHOULDER as DICK BARBER dressed in his Industrial Vacuum Cleaner costume arrives at edge of Stage and hands AYNSLEY the screwdriver. The rest of the Group is looking on, adjusting their equipment too. 36. Cam. 4 / AYNSLEY (seeing Dick's CU AYNSLEY costume) What the fuck are you supposed to be? 37. Cam. 2 / DICK (squinting) CU DICK One more remark outa you, Dunbar and I'll punch your lights out.
66 SCENE 21 (Cont) 37. Continued MARK Howard! Look! It's Dick Barber. HOWARD (amazed) What? JEFF (casually) Go on ... admit it, Barber ... you've accepted part time employ- ment as an industrial vacuum cleaner as a compensation for loss of hair on your forehead from being road manager of The Mothers of Invention for too long. 38. Cam. 3 / WA GROUP from Stage level. 39. Cam. 2 / DICK (pissed off) Listen Simmons, I'll rip your head off and shit in it if you don't ... 40. Cam. 3 / CU MARK He grabs a P. A. system mike off its stand. FAST ZOOM BACK to reveal front view of stage with microphone in hand. He motions to the camera to approach. The CAMERA TRACKS in quickly to a 2 SHOT of DICK and MARK (siting now on edge of stage) MARK (to CAMERA) Ladies and gentlemen, this is Dick Barber, our road manager who used to be a fourth grade school teacher in Pomona. In 1967 he gave up his academic life to work with this group and all his hair on the front of his head began to dwindle away as if a strange and mysterious curse had been placed upon him.
67 SCENE 21 (Cont) 41. Cam. 2 / DICK (enraged, grabbing MARK CU DICK by his collar) Listen, you bloated sub-human falsetto version of Lesley West... He drags MARK off the Stage and throws him on the ground. ... if any of the stewardesses I been hustling on KLM ever hear a word about this vacuum cleaner suit, you'll pay ... (SNORK!) ... with your life! Intercutting between Cams. 2 and 4 as directed. Snorking violently, DICK and MARK stage a fight, kicking over chairs (a few breakaways) and crashing into the base of the stage. HOWARD jumps down to help MARK. JEFF jumps down. 42. Cam. 3 / CU FRANK FRANK steps onto Stage unnoticed and conducts fight music (improvised) with IAN, GEORGE and AYNSLEY. 43. Cam. 4 / WA GROUP DICK knocks MARK, HOWARD and JEFF UNCONSCIOUS. 44. Cam. 1 / HIGH WA DICK stumbles off in the direction of the Newt Ranch. The Orchestra plays a short dramatic cue. Before he arrives at Newt Ranch, DISSOLVE BACK to floor in front of stage where the three victims are just waking up.
68 SCENE 21 (Cont) 45. Mix Cam. 4 / HOWARD (groggy) MS HOWARD I don't even believe the tension that's built up in this group from being on the road so long! PAN to MARK MARK (groggy) It probably wouldn't be bad if we got to work in some decent places ... PAN to HOWARD HOWARD That's true ... after all, the power of Pop Music to corrupt and putrefy the minds of World Youth are virtually limitless ... I mean ... we could be getting reamed every night! PAN to MARK MARK But first you gotta be someplace, where there's at least a little potential ...this place doesn't make it at all ...
69 SCENE 22 2 mins. (bar 182) GROUP: ORCHESTRA: CHORUS: Camera 1; Area E) ) Camera 2; Area G) ) All pointing at F. Camera 3; Area D) ) Camera 4; Area H) The is the master sequence of "This Town is a Sealed Tuna Sandwich." Chorus (off screen) Orchestra (mostly off screen). Camera 1; CU HOWARD ) Camera 4; CU MARK ) Intercutting as directed. Cameras 2&3 as directed) Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK This town, this town, this town we're in is just a sealed tuna sandwich with the wrapper glued. We get a few in every tour. CU HOWARD HOWARD I think we played this one before. This town, this town is a sealed tuna sandwich, sealed tuna sandwich, with the wrapper glued. It's by baloney on the rack, it goes for forty cents a whack. It's just a place for us to play, to help us pay the (ORCHESTRA) cost of the tickets back to L.A. The cost of the tickets back to L.A. The cost of the tickets back to L.A. (CHORUS) All the people in the sandwich town. Think the place is great! Cam. 1 / CU TROMBONE SOLO What if part of it's crumblin' down. Most of them prob'ly won't be 'round. (HOWARD) They'll either be dead. (MARK) Or move to San Francisco. (BOTH) Where everybody thinks they're in heavy business.
70 SCENE 72 (Cont) Cam. 1 / CU PERCUSSION Cam. 2 / CU PERCUSSION Cam. 4 / But it's just a tuna sandwich (MARK and HOWARD) From another catering service!
71 SCENE 23 (to the sync-sound playback of Scene 22) Camera 1; In Area M, pointing away from Concentration Camp. Camera 2; In Area G, looking up J. Camera 3; Looking towards K. Camera 4; In front of P, near Newt Ranch. Action begins in M with Dancers, dressed as 40's Centerville citizens, Doing idiotic type dance in the street to signify stupidity. This town, this town, This town we're in is just a sealed tuna sandwich with the wrapper glued We get a few in every tour. I think we played this one before. Cam. 1 / This town, this town WA DANCERS TRACK Is a sealed tuna sandwich BACK with them, as they Sealed tuna sandwich with the advance menacingly on wrapper glued. the camera. It's by baloney on the rack, it goes for forty cents a Cam. 2 / WA To see JANET and LUCY exit from K to go towards L (Butchers Shop). Cam. 3 / Whack! CU Meat-Chopper Arm which cuts meat outside the butcher's shop. Cam. 2 / It's just a place for us to play, WA DANCERS to help us pay the cost of the The DANCERS look on at tickets LUCY and JANET, as if they were freaks. Cam. 4 / back to LA 2 SHOT JANET and LUCY The cost of the tickets back to LA The cost of the tickets back to LA. Cam. 1 / WA and CRANE UP to reveal the glories of Centerville. The DANCERS now too ecstatic with joy at All the people in the sandwich their lovely town. town think the place is great.
72 SCENE 24 (Also to the syn-sound playback of Scene 22) Mark and Howard mime their words to playback. Camera 3; outside Area S pointing at M Camera 4; inside R Camera 1; outside Area S pointing Q Towers and forces in. 1. Cam. 3 / What if part of it's crumblin' 2 SHOT MARK and HOWARD down ... TRACK BACK as they come towards Q. They lean on night deposit box, and it falls off. (bar 233) 2. Cam. 1 / Most of them prob'ly won't be ZOOM IN through hole 'round. left by departed night deposit box. 3. Cam. 4 / CU NIGHTWATCHMAN We see NIGHTWATCHMAN stuffing money into a suitcase. They'll either be dead. 4. Cam. 3 / MS POLICE OFFICER coming down the street. 5. Cam. 4 / Or move to San Francisco CU NIGHTWATCHMAN Where everybody thinks about to leave. they're in heavy business. PAN ROUND as he goes. 6. Cam. 3 / He runs straight into a POLICEMAN. (bar 244) He gives him some money. The Officer tips his hat, and then rushes away from the (bar 247) street. 7. Cam. 4 / CU OFFICER, who looks (bar 251) astonished. ZOOM IN. 8. Cam. 1 / But it's just a tuna sandwich 2 SHOT MARK and from another catering service. HOWARD, who smile.
73 SCENE 25 3½ mins. (bar 256) THE TUNA SANDWICH BALLET Orchestra; Dancers; Chorus. George (from the Group) is conducting the Orchestra. Camera 1; in Area A looking down M Camera 2; outside L looking towards P Camera 3; outside N looking down M Camera 3; outside I looking down M The Dancers, in their 40's Centerville Citizens street gear, dance another idiotic dance for idiots. The Chorus are milling in their Centerville Clothes. It is still late afternoon. Cameras as directed. The action starts with a child shooting another child with a pop gun. At bar 293 (trumpet fanfare). The doors of P open and out step Rance, the Dwarf and Herbie. They water their lawns. In fact, they are carrying hoses with solid plastic water streams and attached puddles. Rance is dressed in army pants. Later the Vacuum Cleaner steps out, dripping. Then Motorhead appears with a watering can and waters the Vacuum Cleaner. General astonishment.
74 SCENE 26 1½ mins. (bar 368) Group; Orchestra; Chorus. Camera 1; in Area E pointing at Orchestra. Camera 2; in Area C pointing at Orchestra. Camera 3 & 4 in Area H pointing at Group. Towers and Forces out. Chorus in Narrator's area. Cam. 4 / This town ... 2 SHOT MARK and This town ... HOWARD They open their coats to This town we're in is just like a reveal dirty postcards. Sealed tuna sandwich with the ZOOM IN. wrapper glued. Cam. 3 / We get a few in every tour CU MARK They're always such a fucking bore Cam. 4 / HOWARD (spoken) CU HOWARD I can't wait till we blow this place and get to a town with a lot of hot action. Cam. 3 / Newt Montana, Ladies an' CU MARK Gentlemen! BOLERO Camera 1; CU Orchestra percussion) ) Camera 2; CU Piano keyboards ) As directed. ) Camera 3 and 4; CU Group ) 1. Cam. 4 / This town ... CU VOCALIST This town .... (CHORUS also singing off screen) is a sealed tuna sandwich with the wrapper glued. 2. Cam. 2 / It's by baloney on the rack MS CHORUS (In AREA A) 3. Cam. 4 / It goes for forty cents a CU VOCALIST whack. 4. Cam. 3 / CU GROUP TROMBONE
75 SCENE 26 (Cont) 5. Cam. 4 / It's just a rancid little snack. CU GROUP TO VOCALIST 6. Cam. 2 / CU CHORUS crinkling cellophane. 7. Cam. 4 / in a plastic pack ... CU GROUP VOCALIST 8. Cam. 2 / CU CHORUS hissing. 9. Cam. 4 / from a matron in La Habra CU GROUP VOCALIST With a blown-out crack 10. Cam. 1 / CU WIND MACHINE 11. Cam. 4 / Who dies to suck the fringe CU GROUP VOCALIST off of Jimmy Carl Black!
76 SCENE 27 Speeded Up Videodisc section. This is to be inserted at end of ZOOM IN to Mark and Howard's post- Cards of happy snapshots of Centerville.
77 SCENE 28 (to sync-sound playback of Scene 26) (Bolero section) Camera 1; in Area B looking towards E Camera 3; in Area H looking towards F Towers and fences in. Cam. 3 / WA GROUP TRACK BACK with them, as they advance out of the theatre and into 5th Avenue. MARK/HOWARD are This town ... miming as they go This ... ... is a sealed tuna sandwich. The CHORUS/DANCERS are milling about - everybody interacting! ... with the wrapper glued. As they come by It's by baloney on the rack. the butcher's shop (L) They go towards the It goes for forty cents a whack. Concentration Camp. It's just a rancid little snack CAMERA follows Plastic pack from a matron in them. La Habra With a blown out crack. ZOOM PAST into Who dies to suck the fringe off of CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Cam. 1 / Jimmy Carl Black! CU PROFILE JIMMY CARL BLACK
78 SCENE 29 NOTE MUSIC for the scene (Group only) pre-recorded in Week 1. Lonesome Cowboy Burt song. Interior of Redneck Eats Restaurant (W) / Pointing towards Y. Camera 1; in Area V pointing towards W. Camera 2; in Area X pointing towards W. Camera 4; in Area W, underneath Pintable. Camera 3; in between Pool table and Pintable. In corner of W (near K) is a phony Western band: Don Preston at the upright piano. Motorhead with a guitar neck sticking out of his fly. Ruth at the drums etc. The Dancers and the Chorus Baritones and Basses are sitting at the tables as customers or Okies. The Dancers might be wearing construction workers' masks. 4 Male Dancers are in T-shirts. General droll activity. Cowboy Burt (Jimmy Carl Black) is playing pinball at a machine which is grotesque in size and has life-size photos of long-haired faggots, commies and Supreme-Court Justices. He mimes (playback) 1. Cam. 4 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK My name is Burtram I am a cowboy All my friends They call me Burt All my family From down in Texas Make their livin' Diggin' dirt 2. Cam. 2 / (INTERCUTTING as Come out here directed) is looking To Californy at what appears at Just to meet the back of the Pintable 3. Cam. 3 / Some pretty girls CU OKIES Ones I seen
79 SCENE 29 (Cont) 4. Cam. 2 / JIMMY CARL BLACK (Cont) CU OKIEs Get me so horny Ruby lips'n Teeth like pearls. 5. Cam. 1 / Wanna love 'em all CU BAND Wanna love 'em dearly Wanna pretty girl I'll even pay I'd buy 'em furs I'd buy 'em jewelry I know they like me Here's what I say: 6. Cam. 4 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Speakin' atcha) Come smell my fringe-y shirt (Reekin' atcha) My Cowboy pants My Cowboy dance My bold advance 7. Cam. 3 / On this here waitress CU OKIES Yodel odel tee ay Yodel odel tee ay 8. Cam. 4 / I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Don't get my feelings hurt Come on in this place And I'll buy you a taste And you can sit on my face Where's that waitress? 9. Cam. 3 / I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt WA OVER JIMMY CARL (Speakin' atcha) BLACK'S SHOULDER Come smell my fringe-y shirt (Reekin' atcha) My Cowboy pants My Cowboy dance My bold advance On this here waitress Yodel odel tee ay Yodel odel tee ay 10. Cam. 4 / I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Don't get my feelin's hurt Come on in this place And I'll buy you a taste And you can sit on my face Where's that waitress?
80 SCENE 29 (Cont) 11. Cam. 3 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK, who is now swaggering I'm an awful nice guy around the restaurant. I sweet-talk all day in the sun I'm a roofer by trade Quite a bundle I made I'm a unionized roofin' old Son of a gun. When I get off, I get plastered I drink till I fall on the floor Get me some Communist Bastard 'N stomp on his head till he don't move no more. I fuss an' I cuss an' I keep on drinkin' Till my eyes puff up 'n turn red I drool on m'shirt I see if he's hurt Then kick him again In the head. 12. Cam. 4 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU OKIES etc. I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Speakin' atcha) Come smell my fringe-y shirt (Reekin' atcha) My Cowboy pants My Cowboy dance My bold advance On this here waitress Yodel odel tee ay Yodel odel tee ay I'm Lonesome Cowboy Burt Don't get my feelin's hurt Come on in this place And I'll buy you a taste And you can sit on my face Where's that waitress? 13. Cam. 1 / Opal, you hot little bitch ... CU RUTH 14. Cam. 4 / CU JIMMY CARL BLACK He stares. (NOTE: This shot to be freeze- framed, later will video disc) From freeze-frame we super.
81 SCENE 29 (Cont) 15. Cam. 1 / L.S. RANCE, who is walking across in front of Y, carrying his steaming briefcase in a puff of yellow smoke. THUNDER RANCE (as if he just woke up) (yawn) ... Yes, Jimmy, Carl Black, Indian of the Group ... is there anything specific I can do for you?
82 SCENE 30 Sync replay of End of Scene 29 Mix to Rance smacking Jim's face to wake him up. 1. Cam. 4. / JIM (startled) 2 SHOT RANCE & JIM. Mohonnitz! What are you doin' here? 2. Cam. 2 / RANCE (buffing his nails on MS RANCE lapel) You just called me, didn't you? 3. Cam. 3 / JIM (confused) CU JIM All I said was, "Opal, you hot little bitch ... "I was try'na get 'er t'sit on my face. 4. Cam. 2 / RANCE (mysteriously) CU RANCE I am known by many names ... 5. Cam. 4 / JIM (unimpressed) 2 SHOT RANCE & JIM You got many friends who call you Opal the hot little bitch? 6. Cam. 2 / RANCE (bored) CU RANCE Mister Black, I think we've had enough small talk ... I might as well get on with your briefing. 7. Cam. 3 / JIM CU JIM Fine ... you can brief me all you want, so long as you can tell me TWO THINGS ... 8. Cam. 2 / RANCE CU RANCE I know ... "when do we get paid?" 9. Cam. 4 / JIM 2 SHOT RANCE & HIM No! I wanna know where is that waitress ...
83 SCENE 30 (Cont) 9. Continued RANCE (writing it down on his cuff) Yes ... mmm ... waitress, yes ... JIM ... and if she comes in here, will she sit on my face ... and lend me a coupla bucks till the weekend! RANCE (still writing) ... mmm ... weekend ... mm ... the week ending - er - what's today? The date today? 10. Cam. 3 / JIM (scratching his neck CU RANCE in the back) Uhh ... Tuesday was the fifth, Monday was the third ... uhhh ... (he peers at Rance's cuff) ... uhhh ... make that out for Sunday the ... 11. Cam. 2 / RANCE (startled and horrified) CU RANCE DON'T SAY SUNDAY! 12. Cam. 4 / JIM (innocently) CU JIM What wrong with Sunday? The Lord's day ... the day of rest ... just make that sucker out for the 23rd March, wouldja? 13. Cam. 2 / RANCE (writing again) CU RANCE Mmm ... very good, Mister Black ... I have the special imaginary beer I promised to you earlier ... 14. Cam. 4 / MS RANCE & JIM. He opens the steaming briefcase and pulls out a bottle of Redneck Draught, with vapors drifting off it.
84 SCENE 30 (Cont) 14. Continued RANCE ... if you'll be so kind as to He holds out his cuff and sign a receipt ... a large hat pin. 15. Cam. 3 / JIM (taking the hat pin) CU JIM This a pencil? 16. Cam. 2 / RANCE (casually) CU RANCE No, Jimmy ... it's a big pin ... just go on and jab yourself in the finger with it. 17. Cam. 4 / JIM CU JIM He looks at RANCE like What the fuck you talkin' about? he was crazy. Listen, Mohonnitz or whatever they call you ... I may be PROFESSIONAL, but I'm not THAT PROFESSIONAL ... just you gimme my beer! 18. Cam. 2 / RANCE (suddenly ominous) CU RANCE Sign first! In blood! 19. Cam. 4 / JIM CU JIM Fuck you! Who do you think you are? The devil or something? 20. Cam. 3 / RANCE (impressively, re- 2 SHOT RANCE & quoting himself) JIM I am known by many names ... 21. Cam. 4 / JIM CU JIM You prob'ly got some more weird names for yourself ... but there's one thing you definitely ain't never gonna be called, an that's THE DEVIL ... 'cause YOU AIN'T THE DEVIL!
85 SCENE 30 (Cont) 22. Cam. 2 / RANCE (surprised) CU RANCE I'm not? 23. Cam. 4 / JIM (aggressively) Cu JIM Bet your ass you're not ... the fuckin' Devil's got an English accent! Seen him on TV three weeks ago ... so you can just take that big needle an' hang it in your ass, far as I'm concerned! 24. Cam. 3 / MS JIM grabs the beer away from RANCE and gives him a dirty look. 25. Cam. 4 / CU JIM A giant fireball - smoke puff explodes in JIM's face. He jumps back, JIM (clearing the smoke away) pissed off. (cough, cough) ... fuckin' guy must have been a German ... 26. Cam. 3 / M.S. SMOKE RANCE has disappeared. In his place, as if they were conjured up by the blast, we see MARK, HOWARD, JEFF, IAN and AYNSLEY.
86 SCENE 31 2½ mins. Orchestra (reduced) Baritones, Basses, Group, Dancers. 200 Motels. Book II. The Restaurant Scene. NOTE Orchestral PA fed to Redneck Eats. GEORGE is conducting the orchestra. Camera 1; in Area V looking towards W Camera 2; in Area X looking towards W Camera 3; in Area W (in Pool table corner) Camera 4; in Area W (in liquor shop corner) The Dancers and the Chorus are still lounging in the restaurant, as Okies, construction workers, etc. The Mothers enter W from M. 1. Cam. 1 / MS THE MOTHERS 2. Cam. 4 / Hey! Who are these dudes? CU JIMMY CARl BLACK 3. Cam. 1 / MS THE MOTHERS They come into the club. 4. Cam. 4 / Are you a boy? CU JIMMY CARL BLACK Or a girl? who walks round JEFF. 5. Cam. 3 / Or a turkey? CU BASSES Ha ha ha! ZOOM OUT. Ha ha ha! 6. Cam. 2 / WA THE DANCERS try to push the MOTHERS into a corner. Intercut with Cam. 1,3 & 4 as directed.
87 SCENE 31 (Cont) 7. Cam. 3 / CU RUTH ZOOM into her eyes. She sees IAN. General freeze. 8. Mix Cam. 4 / CU IAN. ZOOM INTO his eyes He has seen RUTH and has fallen in love! 9. Cam. 1 / (from IAN walks towards behind RUTH. He pauses - band) then continues. 10. Cam. 3 / WA DANCERS, who are hustling the GROUP. IAN is side stepping the DANCERS and goes to sit at the piano. Intercutting with Cams. 1, 2 & 4 as directed. 11. Cam. 1 / CU IAN at the piano. 12. Cam. 4 / CU RUTH at drums. Intercutting between Cams. 1 & 4 as directed and Cam. 2 / WA DANCERS, who are watching, amazed. Cam. 3 / CU Singles of the MOTHERS. Finish on Aynsley, who is jumping about playing the drum part in unison with his rings by beating on tables, bottles, etc.
88 SCENE 31 (Cont) 13. Cam. 3 / CU AYNSLEY. 14. Cam. 1 / CU IAN 15. Fast Intercutting. 16. Cam. 4 / COWBOY BURT CU COWBOY BURT (to CAMERA) What the fuck was that? 17. Cam. 3 / COWBOY BURT MS COWBOY BURT I wonder if that sonofabitch can play something I might like. 18. Cam. 2 / Ha. Ha. Ha! WA CHORUS Ha. Ha. Ha! 19 Cam. 1 / Hey, twerp ... LS COWBOY BURT. Play me a tune I can enjoy! IAN in foreground. 20. Cam. 2 / MS IAN IAN reaches over and puts a dime in the juke box. ZOOM into Juke Box "MYSTERY ROACH" music starts: This is a small group assemble playing (live) next door in the night club. 21. Cam. 3 / CU COWBOY BURT. He is nodding in approval. Slow ZOOM IN. NOTE This will dissolve into opening shot of Scene 31.
89 SCENE 32 1 min Cameras 2, 3, 4, and boom all looking into T. Camera 1 is in front of Y The Mothers are slouched. Litter, bottles of beer, smoke is everywhere. Jeff is strumming his guitar. Howard is about to set the world record for not getting laid on tour. He is considering a career as a Jesuit monk. General gloom. The Dwarf, dressed as Zappa, wearing obviously cheap sunglasses and a trench coat with the collar turned up, is holding a portable tape recorder with a microphone pointing toward the group. The group does not see the Dwarf. Caption stand needed. 1. Cam. 3 / Mother's slouching. 2. Cam. 4 / JEFF (singing & strumming CU JEFF his guitar) How long? How long? 'Till my mystery roach be arrivin' soon Yea-ooh The mystery roach be approachin' The mystery roach be approachin' me. 3. Mix Cam. 2 / LOW WA How long? The other members How long of the GROUP hum Did that mystery roach be gone or sing along. Yea-oooh Yea-oooh Yea-oooh Yea-oooh The mystery roach be approachin' The mystery roach be approachin' me. Mmm-hmm Mmm-hmm
90 SCENE 32 (Cont) 4. Cam. 4 / HOWARD What are we singing about ... the MYSTERY ROACH? We must be flipping out. 5. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK It's a good thing we get paid to do this ... I could be in L.A. getting reamed, listening to an Elton John album. 6. Cam. 2 / HOWARD WA HOWARD Don't even talk about getting reamed ... listen I've been with- out female companionship for so long a career as a Jesuit Monk looks inviting ... Ian is starting to look good to me. 7. Cam. 4 / GEORGE CU GEORGE Must be his green velour socks. 8. Cam. 3 / JEFF 2 SHOT JEFF & MARK You just calm down there, Duke ... MARK Ever since you left the Jazz World to seek fame and fortune in the Rock & Roll industry ... JEFF What do you mean "Rock & Roll" ... this fuckin' band doesn't even play Rock & Roll ... it's all that comedy crap. 9. Cam. 4 / IAN CU IAN If we played any Rock & Roll we might make some money. I wouldn't mind playing some Rock & Roll ... I like classical music too, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy playing Rock & Roll ... I
91 SCENE 32 (Cont) 9. Continued IAN (Cont) mean ... it's not very challenging intellectually, but I wouldn't mind if we did some Rock & Roll. We could vote on it. 10. Cam. 3 / JEFF CU JEFF Vote on it? For what? To tell Zappa we want to play some good music instead of his comedy shit? 11. Cam. 2 / AYNSLEY CU AYNSLEY I wouldn't mind playing some Rock & Roll ... a bit more commercial with a sort of heavy four part harmon[y] group vocals and a very heavy beat ... that the kids could enjoy. I think we'd definitely make more money that way. 12. Cam. 4 / IAN WA Maybe after we finish the movie we could play more Rock & Roll. MARK We could all quit and form other groups and play more Rock & Roll. JEFF And more blues ... extended blues ... blues but still down and funky even thought you extended it ... George knows what I'm talkin' about, don't you George? 13. Cam. 3 / GEORGE CU GEORGE Leave me outa this ... I come from the Jazz World and I know all about these groups that get formed and disappear with their extensions waving in the moonlight.
92 SCENE 32 (Cont) 14. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK You just calm down there, Duke ... 15. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Maybe we could all form a group ... we could elect a leader ... HOWARD ... we could call it HOWARD KAYLAN WORLD! 16. Cam. 3 / IAN WA We wouldn't have to have any leader. JEFF We could just jam a lot ... 17. Cam. 2 / AYNSLEY CU ANSLEY But it would have to have a really heavy beat and be really com- mercial so the kids could enjoy it. 18. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD I wanna get laid! I am so horny I can't stand it! 19. Cam. 3 / JEFF CU JEFF Listen, if you think for a minute anybody likes this comedy music we been playing you're crazy ... that's why you don't get laid ... who wants to fuck a comedian? None of these girls can take you seriously. 20. Cam. 2 / MARK 2 SHOT MARK & JEFF You should be careful talking about that stuff. JEFF Why? Does he listen?
93 SCENE 32 (Cont) 21. Cam. 4 / IAN CU IAN He always listens. He's always watching and listening to all the guys in the band ... I been in the band for years, and I know ... he always listens! Believe me ... A hush falls over the room. CAMERA PANS round group, past the mysterious DWARF and finishes on CU JEFF. JEFF That's how he gets his material. He listens to us being natural, friendly humorous & good- natured and then he rips us off he sneaks off into a secret room some place and boils it in ammonia and gets it perverted, then he brings it back to us at a rehearsal and makes us play it. 22. Cam. 3 / IAN MS IAN I've been in the group for years and let me tell you, that is exactly ... that is precisely what he does ... he steals all his material! Exactly! 23. Cam. 2 / HOWARD 2 SHOT HOWARD & MARK All of it? MARK The stuff he doesn't steal, Murray Roman writes for him. Listen without us ... he'd be nothing. 24. Cam. 4 / GEORGE (pointing past CAMERA MS GEORGE out of the set) What's that over there? HOWARD steps into HOWARD (amazed) shot It's him! He's watching us! MARK steps in. MARK (mumbling to JEFF) You think he heard us?
94 SCENE 32 (Cont) 24. Continued And IAN IAN (loud whisper to MARK) I been in the band for years and you can bet that he heard every- thing! JEFF steps in. JEFF (mumbling to HOWARD) Let's go over and pretend to be nice to him. HOWARD (whispers to GEORGE) Let's go over and pretend we don't know he's watching ... MARK (whispers to GEORGE) ... and ripping off all our good material! 25. Cam. 3 / WA THEY ALL rise and walk past CAMERA 4. Behind the camera is a Director's chair, in which is slumped the partially mutilated Zappa dummy. They gather around it. 26. Cam. 2 / WA The DWARF can be seen rising from the corner and sneaking out to record their speeches. HOWARD Hi man. IAN Hi Frank. MARK Hi, man. AYNSLEY Hi, Frank.
95 SCENE 32 (Cont) 26. Continued JEFF Hi, man. GEORGE Hi, Frank. 27. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK That's a great new comedy song you wrote ... the one about the penis & everything. I was laughing a lot while I was learning it. 28. Cam. 2 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Yeah, Frank ... uh ... it was a little hard to get into it at first, but once we got the drift ... 29. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF (as if from the dummy's point of That's a great part you got in there view) for the chorus where they go 'Ran Tan Toon Toon Na Na Hanninn' where I steal the room and every- thing ... 30. Cam. 3 / CU DUMMY I don't even mind you rippin' it off me so long as I get paid. 31. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK Me too ... I don't even care about the part where he goes "What can I say about this elixir" so long as me an' Howard & Jeff get credit for special material ... 32. Super Cam. 1 Caption / "Special Material by Mark Volman, Howard Kaylan & Jeff Simmons"
96 SCENE 32 (Cont) 33. Cam. 4 / IAN WA I'll see you guys later. HOWARD Where are you going, man? IAN I have to conduct the next orchestra section ... with Motorhead and the Industrial Vacuum Cleaner and the hot nun debris and so forth ... 34. Cam. 2 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Nun debris? Where is he at? What does this stuff mean in this movie? 35. Cam. 4 / JEFF WA He's out of his fuckin' mind. IAN I'll see you guys later (He exits) AYNSLEY I'm going too, lads. HOWARD Where are you going? 36. Cam. 3 / AYNSLEY CU AYNSLEY I am going to try out my new binoculars. 37. Cam. 2 / MARK 2 SHOT MARK & AYNSLEY What do you do, man ... you look through the binoculars & beat your meat to it or what? AYNSLEY That depends largely on what I see through the binoculars.
97 SCENE 32 (Cont) 38. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What if you see Dick Barber's forehead? 39. Cam. 2 / AYNSLEY WA You can't see it too good with that industrial vacuum cleaner costume and the hose and every- thing ... it's sort of incognito! 40. Cam. 3 / MARK, HOWARD & JEFF WA Wha ... ? 41. Cam. 4 / JEFF 2 SHOT JEFF & MARK Did you hear that? MARK I heard it. He said, 'Incognito!' JEFF Rivet Boy Dunbar, ladies and gentlemen, Lord/God/King of the snappy retort ... and here he is ... 42. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Yes Dunbar, you lustful Liver- pudlian Lycanthrope, your retorts have been remarkably, snappy just now. Something must be wrong ... 43. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK There's some bad brown acid going around, Aynsley ... you can take it with a grain of salt, heh-heh-heh ... 44. Cam. 4 / AYNSLEY CU AYNSLEY I didn't mean to upset you, lads, but the reason my retorts were so snappy is because he's making me do this ... I should imagine he's making you do yours too, isn't he?
98 SCENE 32 (Cont) 45. Cam. 3 / HOWARD WA Get out of here, you creep ... you even used to live in his house! AYNSLEY I'll see you later, lads! (He exits) 46. Cam. 2 / MARK 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD Howard ... he's right. HOWARD I know he is. You might as well admit it too, Simmons. 47. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Right ... it's pathetic. He's making me do this. I can't help myself. Suicide imminent ... 48. Cam. 3 / GEORGE CU GEORGE Listen, er, um ... he's making me leave here now, so ... uh ... I'll see you when we play ... should be about another fifteen minutes after that thing Ian's gonna conduct. (He waves and exits) 49. Cam. 4 / WA. ZOOM into DWARF. The DWARF comes out of the corner, creeping along the wall, pretending to be incon- spicuous on his way to the door. 50. Cam. 3 / 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD THEY ALL see him. 51. Cam. 4 / CU DWARF He sees them and still pretends to be incon- spicuous.
99 SCENE 32 (Cont) 52. Cam. 3 / MARK, HOWARD & JEFF 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD They look at each other MAN! (MARK, HOWARD & JEFF) in disbelief. 53. Cam. 4 / DWARF CU DWARF Listen, er, um ... he's making me leave here now, so ... uh I'll see you later when we play. 54. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What? 55. Cam. 4 / DWARF CU DWARF I don't expect you to understand that ... because we haven't formed our group yet. 56. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK When's that supposed to happen? 57. Cam. 4 / DWARF CU DWARF Jeff's the one who's going to form it. 58. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What the fuck is going on here? ZOOM OUT to include the rest who gather round. JEFF (motions for group to come closer) Okay ... listen, you guys ... we're going to form another group ... Zappa'll never know the difference so long as we keep on bein' nice to him ... 59. Cam. 4 / CU DWARF PAN DOWN to DWARF's tape recorder. The reels are still going round.
100 SCENE 32 (Cont) 60. Mix. Cam. 2 / MARK WA Over cam. 4 (i.e. the dummy's shoulder) Right. JEFF Look its simple ... this group'll be commercial ... it'll have blues extensions and everything. Mark'll play the bass, Howard'll sing and play sax, I'll play lead guitar, and the Dwarf'll be the drummer. Slow zoom into JEFF HOWARD This guy isn't even a dwarf! JEFF (unperturbed) That's one of the reasons my group'll be so commercial. 61. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK But what about the rest of the guys in the band? 62. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF They're already forming other groups all over the place ... why wait till the end of the movie? We could have a hit single right away! 63. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Sure ... we don't need Aynsley or George or Ian or ... 64. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Listen ... HE needs us remember ... we don't need him ... all those other guys are TOO OLD for rock .. they're out of it! We can have a tight little heavy little group with this Dwarf here ... he used to play drums for Leon Russell.
101 SCENE 32 (Cont) 65. Cam. 2 / HOWARD WA You're right, Simmons ... they are too old. MARK Zappa's thirty ... thirty years old! HOWARD He's out of it ... you're right. He should retire. JEFF Really ... you can't trust old people. We should take up a collection and buy him a watch.
102 SCENE 33 13 mins. The Pleated Gazelle Sequence. Master take - up to Dental Hygiene Music (p. 60 of the score) Cameras 1; in Area C ) ) Cameras 2; in Area E ) ) Pointing towards Orchestra. Cameras 3; in front of Camp gates ) Cameras 4; in front of D (between pianos & orchestra) Boom 1; by camera 3. Boom 2; between cameras 3 & 1. Much back-lighting. Mirror suspended over piano keyboard. Zappa is standing in front of the camp gates which are closed. Towers and fences in. Harpsichord on Conductor's extreme right. No pianos. "The Conductor" is Ian, from the Group. 1. Cam. 3 / FRANK LOW CU FRANK One night I couldn't get any Big Wheel in action ... background. 2. Cam. 1 / CU CELLO'S 3. Cam. 3 / I went back to the hotel by LOW CU FRANK myself ... 4. Cam. 4 / LOW CU VIOLINS 5. Cam. 3 / I made some instant coffee and LOW CU FRANK I took out the music I'd been working on ... a piece for voice and small ensemble ... 6. Cam. 2 / VERTICAL MIRROR SHOT OF PIANO KEYBOARD. ZOOM IN.
103 SCENE 33 (Cont) 7. Mix Cam. 4 / VBCU VIOLA SOLO DEFOCUS 8. Mix Cam. 3 / It was called: LOW CU FRANK "I have seen the Pleated Gazelle". 9. Cam. 2 / VERTICAL PIANO KEYBOARD 10 Cam. 4 / CU PERCUSSION 11. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO Ah! (by the Wheel in C) 12. Cam. 3 / NARRATOR CU NARRATOR (in D) front of Camp gates Gazelle? 13. Cam. 1 / HIGH WA ORCHESTRA 14. Mix Cam. 2 / VERTICAL PIANO KEYBOARD 15. Inlay Cam. 4 / SOPRANO (singing) CU PROFILE SOPRANO I have seen the pleated Gazelle. Guhh-zal-ll Gahh-zille etc 16. Cam. 3 / FRANK LOW CU FRANK Some people might wonder why a person might want to write something like this.
SCENE 33 (Cont) 104 17 Cam. 4 / SOPRANO (singing) VBCU SOPRANO'S MOUTH Guh-Guh Gaw-zalle Goo. 18. Cam. 3 / FRANK LOW CU FRANK It's not pretty and it doesn't make any sense at all ... 19. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO (singing) LOW CU SOPRANO Goo-ee-oo Goo-ah-goo-ee 20. Cam. 3 / FRANK LOW CU FRANK But that didn't matter to me while I was writing it ... I just wrote down whatever came to mind ... I figured I'd never get to hear it anyway ... 21. Cam. 2 / CU HORNS DEFOCUS 22. Mix Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPET DEFOCUS 23. Mix Cam. 3 / CU SOPRANO DEFOCUS 24. Mix Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPET DEFOCUS 25. Mix Cam. 3 / CU SOPRANO 26 Mix Cam. 2. / MCU FLUTES, OBOES & COR ANGLAIS
105 SCENE 33 (Cont) 27. Mix Cam. 4 / CU FLUTE 28. Mix Cam. 2 / TRUMPET 29. Mix Cam. 4 / MCU FLUTES, OBOES ETC. 30. Cam. 2 / CU HORNS ZOOM OUT (go to front of orchestra)
106 SCENE 34 Cameras 1; in Area C ) ) Cameras 2; in Area E ) Pointing towards Orchestra. ) Cameras 3; in front of Camp Gates ) Cameras 4; in front of D (between pianos & orchestra) 31. Cam. 3 / FRANK LOW CU FRANK It occurred to me later that night, that if (by some chance) The Pleated Gazelle was ever performed, the audience might like it better, if it had a story. 32. Cam. 1 / CU CELLO SOLO 33. Cam. 4 / CU VIOLIN SOLO 34. Cam. 2 / CU CONCERT GUITARS 35. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO Ah! 36. Cam. 3 / FRANK CU FRANK So I made up a story ... DEFOCUS Once upon a time there was a girl. 37. Mix Cam. 2 / CU GUITAR ZOOM OUT DEFOCUS 38. Mix Cam. 3 / FRANK CU FRANK She always wore a green wool overcoat ...
107 SCENE 34 (Cont) 39. Cam. 2 / CU HARPSICHORD DEFOCUS 40. Mix Cam. 1 / CU HARP DEFOCUS 41 Mix Cam. 3 / FRANK CU FRANK With plastic fish and Vienna sausages pinned on it ... On the shoulders ... 42. Mix Cam. 1 / CU HARP ZOOM IN 43 Mix Cam. 2 / CU GUITARS 44 Mix Cam. 1 / CU HARP ZOOM IN 45 Mix Cam. 3 / FRANK CU FRANK She was in love with a boy who always treated her wrong. 46. Mix Cam. 1 / CU HARP 47. Cam. 3 / One day she flipped out FRANK 48. Cam. 1 / CU 'CELLI 49. Cam. 2 / CU GUITARS
108 SCENE 34 (Cont) 50. Cam. 4. / CU CHORUS Rapid intercutting between Cams. 1, 2. & 3, as directed. 51. Cam. 2 / CU HORNS ENDS
109 SCENE 35 (bar 115b) Camera 4; in Area D ) ) Camera 2; in Area E ) ) Pointing towards Orchestra Camera 3; in front of Camp Gates. ) Camera 1; now parked in M. Orchestra dimly lit in background. Towers and fences in. 52. Cam. 1 / FRANK LOW CU FRANK She had a terrible fight with her old boyfriend one night. ZOOM OUT She told him to go away and beat him with a plastic fish. She ate some Vienna sausages TRACK BACK DOWN M. to calm down. MOTORHEAD, sitting Then she met a newt rancher at the porch of the ... a young lad who raised newt ranch, comes newts, so rich people could into view, holding his have coats made out of them. industrial vacuum cleaner. She loved him a lot, and they started shacking up on the ranch where he grew the newts. CRANE UP still Everything was fine, except TRACKING BACK. he was in love with an industrial vacuum cleaner.
110 SCENE 36 (bar 116) Camera 2; in Area E ) ) Camera 3; in front of Camp Gates ) Pointing towards Orchestra ) Camera 1; now back in C ) Camera 4; now also in D pointing to Orchestra 53. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO (singing) CU SOPRANO'S MOUTH Dew on the newts we got. 54. Cam. 1 / TENOR (singing) CU TENOR'S MOUTH Newt money due. It's a payment on the rental for the dewy little newts we got. 55. Cam. 4 / CU HARP 56. Cam. 1 / We got 'em dewy. PROFILE - TENOR'S MOUTH 57. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO (singing) PROFILE SOPRANO'S MOUTH Left 'em in the yard all night. Hope they didn't get up tight. The little vixens. The saucy little vixens. I hope they didn't get pissed off. 58. Cam. 2 / CU CLARINET 59. Cam. 3 / I hope they did not ... CU SOPRANO'S FACE 60. Cam. 2 / CU CLARINET 61. Cam. 3 / Did not ... Cu SOPRANO
111 SCENE 36 (Cont) 62. Cam. 2 / CU CLARINET 63. Mix. Cam. 4 / CU HARP 64. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO (singing) CU SOPRANO I hope ... that they ... Did not. 65. Mix Cam. 4 / CU HARP 66. Cam. 3 / Dash off ... CU SOPRANO into the night! ZOOM IN
112 SCENE 37 Camera 1; Back in C ) ) Camera 2; in Area E ) ) Pointing towards Orchestra Camera 3; in front of Camp gates ) ) Camera 4; moved back to E ) Set in 3 grand pianos. 67. Cam. 3 / FRANK CU FRANK The girl was afraid of the dark and the night and some- times the newts ... But more than anything, she was getting worried about the young lad's attachment to the industrial vacuum cleaner. Whenever he had to go out at night and see if the newts had dashed off, she'd stay home and knit big socks, sobbing to herself. 68. Cam. 2 / "Blorp" CU HORNS 69. Cam. 4 / "Blorp" CU TROMBONES 70. Cam. 1 / CU BASSOON 71. Cam. 3 / BARITONES AND BASSES CU CHORUS The lad searches the night for his newts. 72. Cam. 4 / WA WOODWIND ZOOM INTO BASSOON 73. Cam. 2 / CU TRUMPETS They shuffle deck of cards.
113 SCENE 37 (Cont) 74. Cam. 4 / CU TROMBONES 75. Cam. 1 / CU BASSOONS 76. Cam. 4 / WA BRASS 77. Cam. 3 / CU FLUTES 78. Cam. 2 / CU HORNS WHIP PAN LEFT to TRUMPETS WHIP PAN RIGHT to TROMBONES ZOOM OUT They all get up and look around and under their chairs. 79. Cam. 4 / Pop CU PIANIST 80. Cam. 1 / WOODBLOCKS 81. Cam. 3 / Blorp WA WOODWIND ZOOM INTO CLARINETS PAN LEFT TO FLUTES PAN RIGHT TO HORNS They are also looking under their chairs, etc. 82. Cam. 2 / CU TROMBONES - also looking around.
114 SCENE 37 (Cont) 83. Cam. 4 / CU CLARINETS - also looking around. 84. Cam. 1 / CU BASSOON PAN RIGHT to BRASS ZOOM OUT, CRANE UP. . Everybody looking around.
115 SCENE 38 P. 31 Letter "K" "The Pleated Gazelle" Camera 1; in Area C Camera 2; in Area E Camera 3/4; outside Newt Ranch - Area N Set in fences. Also set in fence in front of Newt Ranch Dance Sequence. Three of the Dancers are dressed as newts. The newts are escaping from their cages outside the Newt Ranch, and are climbing the barbed wire fence into the Orchestra. (From Camera 1) 2 Dancers (newts) have big feet sticking out of their middles, And remain at the Newt Ranch to do a little foot duet. Also, Motorhead is crawling around the Orchestra, pursuing the Newts. (From Camera 2) ALSO 85. Cam. 3 / SUPER CU TRUMPET 86. Cam. 3 / SUPER CU BASSOONS
116 SCENE 39 Camera 1; in Area C Camera 2; in Area E Camera 3; in Area D Camera 4; outside Newt Ranch Frank is standing in Narrator's Area. 87. Cam. 4 / FRANK CU FRANK Then he'd come home all tired (in front of orchestra) out. She'd put down the big sock she was Working on and look up at him lovingly ... She wanted him to love her just as much As he loved his industrial vacuum cleaner And the newts in the yard. She dreamed of ways to win his love ... 88. Cam. 1 / Optical Freak-Out Time CU CELLO 89. Mix Cam. 3 / Cu BASSOON 90. Mix Cam. 4 / CU SOPRANO 91. Mix Cam. 2 / CU PIANO
117 SCENE 40 Camera 4; behind Area C (near N) Camera 2; at top of M Camera 3; in Area A, behind the harp Camera 1; top of N Boom by Camera 4 Set in chow tables, fences. The Chorus, now dressed in prison uniform, Are seated at the Chow tables (c). In the Concentration Camp. They are blowing bubbles with straws and paper cups. One member of the chorus is dressed as "The Narrator" (Rance). Rance, meanwhile, is pacing back and forth with 2 model "shopping pup" dogs in front of the Camp Gates. The Soprano soloist is seated among the Chorus, singing to Motorhead who is peering through the barbed wire. REPLAY END OF SCENE 38 VT AND MIX TO 92. Cam. 4 / WA CHORUS 93. Cam. 1 / NARRATOR (to camera) LOW CU NARRATOR The girl want to fix him some broth. 94. Cam. 4 / WA CHORUS 95. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO as she turns to Tinsel cock. MOTORHEAD, ZOOM PAST her to MOTORHEAD. 96. Cam. 4 / CHORUS LOW WA CHORUS: in the background Do-wee-do we see the tinsel Tinsel Cock, my baby. cock car being lowered in.
118 SCENE 40 (Cont) 97. Mix Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU MOTORHEAD Would you like some broth? ZOOM OUT to reveal SOPRANO 98. Mix Cam. 1 / CHORUS/NARRATOR RANCE pacing up and down. Some nice soup. Small dogs in it. 99. Cam. 2 / CU DOGS 100. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU BROTH POT being held by You like broth? SOPRANO 101. Cam. 1 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU NARRATOR Dog broth? You like dog broth hot? 102. Super Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO PROFILE Hot broth? Hot dog debris? 103. Cam. 1 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU NARRATOR How d'ya like it? 104. Cam. 2 / Debris of the CU RANCE 105. Cam. 1 / four styles offered. CU DOG It barks 106. Cam. 2 / Debris, CU NARRATOR 107. Cam. 1 / broth, breath. CU DOG "shopping pup" It actually hops.
119 SCENE 40 (Cont) 108. Cam. 2 / And the ever popular, hygenic, CU NARRATOR European version, tinsel cock! ZOOM OUT to reveal car, still coming in 109. Cam. 4 / CU TINSEL COCK CAR landing 110. Cam. 3. / CU HEADLIGHT it winks at MOTORHEAD. 111. Cam. 1 / Which do you choose? CU NARRATOR to camera - very sinister. 112. Cam. 3 / CU SOPRANO she looks.
120 SCENE 41 Camera 4; behind Area C Camera 2; in Area C Camera 3; in the middle of Orchestra A Camera 1; top of M The temptation of MOTORHEAD, who is still in front of the Newt Ranch. He tries to outstare the car, which tries to outwink him. 2 Guards club and drug the Soprano soloist. (Jim Black, dressed as a prison guard, clubs the Soprano.) (The Dwarf, also dressed as a prison guard, drugs her.) One member of the Chorus is still dressed as "The Narrator". Chow tables no longer there. 113. Mix Cam. 2 / CU CAR HEADLIGHT 114. Mix Cam. 3. / ZOOM INTO CU MOTORHEAD looking angry. Intercutting as directed. 115. Cam. 2 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU JIM BLACK as he advances on The girl ... SOPRANO ZOOM OUT 116. Cam. 4. / TENORS CU DWARF as he jabs her. Duh girl wants to fix some broth. ZOOM IN 117. Cam. 1 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU NARRATOR He dissolves ... in a statement to the Press explains ...
121 SCENE 42 Camera 4; behind Area C Camera 2; in Area C Camera 1; top of M Camera 3; now in front of the Newt Ranch between cameras 1 And 4 Chorus are clustered round the Tinsel Car. One member of the Chorus is still dressed as "The Narrator". 118. Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO ZOOM OUT to reveal Broth reminds me of nuns, her standing behind I see them smashing with rulers, a portable picture Disciplining munchkin cretins. of a night-club dancer. 119. Cam. 4 / CU CHORUS looking astonished. 120. Cam. 3 / MS SOPRANO Tortured munchkins RANCE MUHAMMITZ now Tortured Munchkins pulls out a second unfolding Irish Catholic victims portable picture of a child Little green scratchy sweaters with brown corduroy pants Little green scratchy one and green scratchy sweater, Brown corduroy pants with bristles sticking out all over it, sitting on a stool. ZOOM INTO PICTURE. Corduroy pants an' green scratchy Munchkin Irish Catholic Victims. 121. Cam. 4 / CHORUS CU CHORUS Munchkins! Munchkins! 122. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO Munchkins get me hot ... COLOURS GO BERSERK Munchkins get me ... get me-we-oo-ch 123. Cam. 4 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU CHORUS/NARRATOR Hot! Get her real hot.
122 SCENE 42 (Cont) 124. Mix Cam. 2 / CU HARP 125. Mix Cam. 3 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO Ah. Yeah. Yeah. ZOOM IN 126. Super Cam. 1 / CU PIANO 127. Cam. 4 / SOPRANO CU VACUUM CLEANER jumping up and down. Pork me!
123 SCENE 43 Camera 1; in top M. Camera 2; in Area C. Camera 3; in front of Newt Ranch, between 1 & 4. Camera 4; moved over to Guitars. 128. Cam. 4 / CU GUITAR 129. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE A cardboard box ... A series of cardboard boxes... With a nun's suit painted all over them. Four views ... Every side of the boxes. 130. Cam. 4 / GUITAR 131. Cam. 3 / Another Thrilling view CU RANCE Of a black starchy nun-suit... Inspiring in its simplicity ... Quality goods ... 131A. Super Cam. 2 / RANCE SOPRANO SOPRANO PROFILE, Weasels ... (Pork me off!) Vienna sausages ... Very small dogs ... Inspired by its simplicity ... ZOOM INTO RANCE. Nearly able to get off behind it.
124 SCENE 44 Camera 1; in top of M Camera 2; in Area C Camera 4; has gone across to the Orchestral Drum Set Camera 3; now in Orchestra A The Soprano soloist is now trying to sell the tinsel cock car to Motorhead. One member of the Chorus is still dressed as "The Narrator". 132. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO 2 SHOT SOPRANO & MOTORHEAD Tinsel Cock 133. Cam. 1 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU CHORUS/NARRATOR -aside to audience Munchkins get her hot 'n dewy. 134. Cam. 3 / CHORUS CU PERCUSSION Do-wee-do. Bow doom Tinsel Cock me Daddy 135. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO 2 SHOT SOPRANO, MOTORHEAD Would you like some broth? 136. Cam. 3 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU MOTORHEAD, who shakes his head Some nice soup. in disbelief. Small dogs in it. Dogs. Dog feet. ZOOM IN 137. Cam. 1 / You like broth? CU CHORUS/NARRATOR CHORUS (off) ZOOM IN Wad'n'um CHORUS/NARRATOR Dog feet?
SCENE 44 (Cont) 125 138. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO Hot broth? 139. Cam. 4 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU ORCHESTRAL DRUM SET (E) Dog feet broth! 140. Cam. 1 / You like nuns? CU CHORUS/NARRATOR 141. Cam. 3 / CHORUS CU CHORUS Newts! 142. Cam. 1 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU NARRATOR Gazelles? 143. Cam. 3 / CHORUS CU CHORUS Hot nuns! 144. Cam. 1 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU CHORUS/NARRATOR Gazelles? 145. Cam. 3 / WA CHORUS & DANCERS They clap. 4 OF THE DANCERS are putting on their gazelle costumes over their black boiler suits. 146. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO Ah! 147. Cam. 1 / CHORUS/NARRATOR CU CHORUS/NARRATOR Gazelles? Hot nun debris? 148. Super Cam. 3 & 4 / CU PERCUSSION
126 SCENE 45 Camera 1; in top of M. Camera 2; in Area C Camera 3; now back in front of Newt Ranch Camera 4; at back of Orchestra 149. Cam. 1 / FRANK LOW CU FRANK sitting inside the I figured that if there was a tinsel cock car. story ... especially a love story, that more people in the audience could identify with or vicariously partici- pate in the concepts involving newts, dogs, gazelles and hot nun debris. 150. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO SLOW ZOOM INTO CU SOPRANO Why don't you strap on ... this of cardboard boxes? Daddy-O (Joy of my desiring) You'll certainly look suave. And get me hot. Hot. Hot. Get me hot and horny. 151. Cam. 3 / CHORUS CU CHORUS Ah! 152. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO CU SOPRANO If there's one thing I really get off on, It's a nun-suit painted on some old boxes. 153. Cam. 1 / CU CONDUCTOR'S Some old melodies ... SCORE. ZOOM IN 154. Mix Cam. 2 / Four - four CU SOPRANO an aura, an aerial. Pink gums, stomp gray teeth. Dental floss Gets me hot.
127 SCENE 45 (Cont) 155. Mix Cam. 2 / CU OBOES/BASSOONS 156. Mix Cam. 2 / SOPRANO (Cont) CU SOPRANO Wanna watch a Dental Hygiene Movie?
128 SCENE 46 Camera 2; in Area C Camera 3; in Area A Camera 1; goes over to Area E Camera 4; comes back to front of Orchestra The Soprano soloist, with the Orchestra in background, is setting up the film projector on the fender of the tinsel cock car. She pulls the aerial of the car and the film reels pop up. The headlight becomes the projector beam. 157. Cam. 2 / WA SOPRANO & TINSEL COCK CAR Intercutting as directed. 158. Cam. 3 / SU SOPRANO switching on projector. 159. Cam. 2 / WA ZOOM INTO HEADLIGHT BEAM (MIX TO DENTAL HYGIENE FILM ANIMATION SEQUENCE) Orchestra continues. Covering shots. 160. Cam. 4 / CU PIANO 161. Cam. 1 / CU BRASS 162. Cam. 2 / CU SIDE DRUM ZOOM OUT
129 SCENE 46 (Cont) 163. Cam. 3 / CU BASSOON (3 GOES BEHIND ORCHESTRA) 164. Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPETS 165. Cam. 1 / CU CYMBAL 166. Cam. 1 / CU TROMBONES 167. Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPETS 168. Cam. 3 / CU PERCUSSION 169. Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPETS 170. Cam. 2 / CU VIOLINS 171. Cam. 3 / CU PERCUSSION 172. Cam. 4 / CU PIANOS 173. Cam. 1 / CU TROMBONES ZOOM OUT CRANE UP 174. Cam. 3 / CU GONG
130 SCENE 46 (Cont) 175. Mix Cam. 2 / SOPRANO (innocently) CU SOPRANO Is this getting you hot ... or what? I am getting hot from it ... you look like you might be getting just a little hot ... I'm gonna put on the second reel ... and then you can fuck me, okay? 176. Cam. 4 / MOTORHEAD (uncomfortable) MS MOTORHEAD & SOPRANO Listen ... uh ... you got any cartoons? Or Woodstock? SOPRANO (slightly amazed) This isn't getting you hot? 177. Cam. 3 / MOTORHEAD (embarrassed) CU MOTORHEAD Listen ... uh ... these boxes ... uh ... they're not bad ... uh ... I can get a little bit hot from the boxes, but ... 178. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO (fully amazed) CU SOPRANO I can't believe a person such as yourself wouldn't just die to watch a movie with pictures of GUMS in it ... it's almost making me come and everything. 179. Cam. 4 / MOTORHEAD (trying to understand) Cu MOTORHEAD Uh ... what is it ... you get hot from movies like this, right? 180. Cam. 2 / SOPRANO 2 SHOT SOPRANO & MOTORHEAD EVERYBODY gets hot from this sort of thing! EVERYBODY ... all my friends ... EVERYBODY I know. Jeff Beck dies for it. He dies for it. The girl with the harp ... she dies for it ... ZOOM INTO CU SOPRANO
131 SCENE 47 SCENE 33 in sync-sound playback from the beginning. The music is from the first section of "The Pleated Gazelle". Larry the Dwarf, dressed as Zappa is entering the Motel Room. He is closing the door with his foot, holding the tape recorder (Which is still running) under his arm, and looking at his watch. He walks to the desks, and begins to pretend to write "The Pleated Gazelle" ... His lamp is sitting on the desk, gently steaming. Cameras 3 & 4; in Area S. 1. Cam. 3 / CU LARRY's fake watch. ZOOM OUT to reveal him entering. 2. Cam. 4 / WA as he sits at desk ZOOM IN. 3. Cam. 3 / CU STEAMING LAMP 4. Cam. 4 / CU LARRY writing. 5. Cam. 3 / WA over LARRY'S SHOULDER towards the distant lights. (Orchestra Area) CUT to Master Take on "Gazelle" (Narrator)
132 SCENE 48 Scene 39 in sync-sound playback from letter F. (Bar 71) Camera 1; in M pointing towards Rance Muhammitz Ranch Cameras 3/4; in Area S Camera 2; in W, looking out towards P. This scene at Night. 1. Cam. 4 / FRANK (re-record) So I made up a story. 2. Cam. 3 / ORIGINAL TAKE ZOOM PAST as before. Once upon a time, there was a girl ... 3. Mix Cam. 1 / A Girl (Dancer) comes out of the ranch, doing an elaborate series of pirouettes, wearing a green wool overcoat. She dances up the She always wore a green wool street and goes into overcoat ... the butcher's shop. She emerges with her green wool overcoat, covered with plastic fish & Vienna sausages pinned on it. She starts to dance back down the street, but pauses ... 4. Cam. 2 / With plastic fish and Vienna CU PLASTIC FISH sausages pinned on it ... PAN UP TO GIRL'S On the shoulders. FACE. Cam. 1 / (Shot 42 on original) She continues to pirouette down the street, stopping in front of the Redneck Eats.
133 SCENE 48 (Cont) 4. Continued Cam. 2 / She was in love with a boy who WA JIMMY CARL BLACK always treated her wrong. in foreground. ZOOM INTO GIRL who turns to look at him. (Shot 46) Cam. 1 / JIMMY CARL BLACK stumbles out of Redneck Eats towards the girl. She reaches out to give him a hug, and he breaks a bottle over her head. He is breathing beer all over her, (Shot 48) and ripping off the plastic fish. He now tries to strangle her, making (Shot 49) crude erotic gestures. She breaks away. Intercutting with Camera 2 as directed. Cam. 2 / (Bar 113) CU GIRL looks at him in disgust.
134 SCENE 49 Camera 1; in M pointing towards Rance Muhammitz Ranch Action identical as for first part of SCENE 48 up until she pirouettes Into the butcher's shop. This sequence to be used for VIDEO-DISC speed-up later.
135 SCENE 50 Scene 35 sync-sound playback. Camera 1; in Area A Cameras 3/4; in front of Area I Camera 2; in M, pointing towards N Towers and fences struck Set in 2 Newt Cages. The Girl now comes towards the Newt Ranch where she meets Motorhead. Love at first sight. 3 Dancers are in the cages, dressed as newts. Their hands are also dressed as newts, thus making 3 newts per Dancer. Cam. 1 / ORIGINAL CU GIRL Then she met a newt rancher ... Cam. 3 / A young lad who raised newts, CU MOTORHEAD so rich people could have coats made out of them. She loved him a lot, and they started shacking up on the ranch where he grew the newts. Cam. 4 / Everything was fine except CU NEWT CAGES was in love with an industrial ... Cam. 2 / ... vacuum cleaner ... CU VACUUM CLEANER Intercutting as directed.
136 SCENE 51 SCENE 36 sync-sound playback (bar 116) Camera 1; In Area A Cameras 3 & 4; In front of Area I Camera 2; In M pointing towards N. Towers and fences out. Newt puppets in Chorus Area (C) Cam. 1 / (Shot 53) CU NEWT-PUPPET HEADS ORIGINAL Inlay mouths of Chorus Dew on the newts from master take into We got Newt faces. Newt money due ... Cam. 3 / It's a payment MS MOTORHEAD and On the rental for the vacuum cleaner, The dewy little newts who are passing in We got. front of the newt cages and about to enter the newt ranch. Cam. 4 / We got 'em dewy! MS GIRL, who is following MOTORHEAD She attempts to hug him, but is rejected in favour of the vacuum cleaner. Cam. 1 / Left 'em in the yard CU NEWT PUPPETS, All night. who are frolicking. Hope they didn't get up Up tight. Intercutting with Cameras 2, 3, & 4 The little vixens, are directed. The saucy little vixens, I hope they didn't get pissed off. I hope they did not, Did not, I hope that they did not, Cam. 1 / Dash off into the night. CU NEWT FACE inlay SOPRANO's mouth from original.
137 SCENE 52 Scene 36 in sync-sound playback. Camera 1; in Area C Camera 3; behind Orchestra Camera 4; in Area D Throughout the previous action, Larry the Dwarf, is creeping through the Orchestra toward the nun Harpist, whom he overcomes and attempts to rape. Cam. 1 / ORIGINAL WA ORCHESTRA (from) FAST ZOOM INTO Left 'em in the yard all night, LARRY Hope they didn't get up tight. Intercutting with Cameras 3 & 4 The little vixens, as directed. (bar 131) The saucy little vixens, I hope they didn't get pissed off. I hope they did not, Did not, I hope that they did not, Dash off into the night.
138 SCENE 53 Scene 37 in sync-sound playback. (bar 144B) Camera 3; is behind Area N Camera 1; in Area B Camera 4; in Area C Interior of Newt Ranch. The girl is sitting inside the house knitting a giant sock, sobbing to herself. The sock is 4ft wide and 6ft long, with similarly large knitting needles. She is wearing an "instant tears" apparatus. The girl was afraid of the dark and the Night and sometimes the Newts ... But more than anything she was getting Worried about the young lad's attachment to The industrial vacuum cleaner. Whenever he had to go out at night And see if the newts had dashed off, she'd Mix from Master take to / Stay home and knit big socks, Cam. 4 sobbing to herself. CU GIRL Intercutting as directed. ZOOM PAST GIRL towards Orchestra, which is already moving about. Finish on 3.
139 SCENE 54 Scene 39 sync-sound playback Camera 3; is behind Area N Camera 1; in Area B Camera 4; in Area C Set in Newt Cages. Cam. 3 / ORIGINAL CU MOTORHEAD as he returns home. Then he'd come home all tired out. Cam. 1 / She'd put down the big sock INTERIOR 2 SHOT she was working on and look GIRL & MOTOR HEAD Up at him, longingly. Cam. 4 / She wanted him to love her CU GIRL Just as much as he loved his Cam. 3 / Industrial Vacuum Cleaner, CU VACUUM CLEANER and the Cam. 2 / Newts in the yard. CU NEWT CAGES Cam. 4 / She dreamed of ways to win CU GIRL his love. ZOOM IN Colours dissolve Intercutting as directed. Mix out to beginning of Scene 39.
140 SCENE 55 Sync-sound playback of Scene 43 (Letter "V" "The Pleated Gazelle") Camera 1; in Area C ) ) Camera 2; in Area B ) ) All looking into Newt Ranch. Camera 3; in Area M ) ) Camera 4; in front of ) N ) Intercutting as directed. ORIGINAL The Girl pulls a series of 3 cardboard boxes out of the closet in the house. MOTORHEAD is sitting on the porch. She carries the boxes out, and stacks Pork me! them over MOTORHEAD's body, one by one. The lowest box has a skirt A cardboard box ... with feet. The next, the A series of cardboard boxes ... chest part of a suit with With a nun's suit painted all collar and tie. The next, over them ... a painted arch through Four views ... which we see MOTOR- Every side of the boxes ... HEAD's face. Another thrilling view of a black starchy nun-suit ... Inspiring in its simplicity ... Quality goods ... Weazels ... Vienna sausages ... Etc. Mix back to ORIGINAL.
141 SCENE 56 (sync-sound playback of Scene 45) (Letter "W" the pleated Gazelle) Camera 1; in Area C ) ) Camera 3; in Area B ) All looking at Tinsel Cock Car. ) Camera 4; at top of M) Cam. 4 / (ORIGINAL) CU SOPRANO as she SOPRANO pulls out her set of cardboard nun suit Why don't you strap on this here boxes from the trunk bunch of cardboard boxes, of the car. Daddy-o, Joy of my desiring You'll certainly look suave and get me hot. Hot! Hot! She proceeds to put Get me hot and horny! them on If there's one thing I really get off on It's a nun suit painted on some old boxes. Some old melodies ... Mix back to ORIGINAL
142 SCENE 57 1½ mins. Orchestra Prelude to "Shove it Right In" Camera 1; in Area H ) ) Cameras 3 & 4 outside Area I ) All looking into Groupies Room ) Camera 4; in Area J ) Boom between 1 & 4 No front on Groupies Room. Orchestra (Ian, from the Group, is conducting) Intercutting as directed. The Groupies are discussing where it's at. Lucy is coming in and out of the bathroom. Janet is fixing Pamela's hair. "Pamela" is lying on the bed - overdosing. She is dressed as a Nun - the same which the Dwarf was supposed to ream with the lamp in the beginning of the film. It is not revealed that she is a Nun until Janet gets her out of bed and we see the nun suit. Aynsley, on F, is watching, through his binoculars, from the stage (F) The rest of the group are also on stage. 1. Cam. 3 / PAMELA VBCU PAMELA I'm going to die ... I know I'm going to die ... I can tell because my pulse is so weak ... the pills ... I ... gasp ... I took so many ... downers that ... I know this is the end ... 2. Cam. 4 / JANET CU JANET You poor thing. You want I should fix your hair so you look good when they find you ? 3. Cam. 3 / PAMELA CU PAMELA Oh ... would you?
143 SCENE 57 (Cont) 4. Cam. 1 / JANET WA PAMELA & JANET Sure ... whaddya want? A pony tail? Flat-top with fenders? 5. Cam. 3 / PAMELA CU PAMELA I'm going to die, Janet ... choke ... I'm going to O.D., so make me look good ... 6. Cam. 4 / JANET CU JANET Listen, the best I can do is fix you hair ... you should get up and wash the melted eye-make-up off your face. 7. Cam. 3 / PAMELA CU PAMELA Is it smeared? I've been crying so much ... it's so sad when you know you'll never see all your friends any more. 8. Cam. 4 / JANET 2 SHOT JANET & PAMELA Every week it's the same thing ... you're gonna die ... you're gonna die ... somebody went out on you ... somebody doesn't love you any more ... How long have you been a groupie? You should get used to romances which are so obviously cheap. Listen, you should get up so in case when you crash out and the imaginary rock n' roll newspaper from San Francisco wants to get any pictures you'll look like you She helps PAMELA washed your face. up. Really ... it's better this way ... with a clean face ... people always think groupies are such dirty girls!
144 SCENE 57 (Cont) 9. Cam. 2 / AYNSLEY CU AYNSLEY He is watching Wouldn't mind sort of fucking from the group all three of them. Mmmm. stage through his binoculars. 10. Cam. 3 / WA GROUPIES ROOM LUCY runs in just as PAMELA stumbles toward bathroom. LUCY is wearing only men's jockey LUCY (pointing toward Aynsley) shorts. Look over there! JANET What? 11. Cam. 1 / LUCY CU LUCY He's doin' it ... He's watchin' us from the fake bandstand with the binoculars! 12. Cam. 4 / JANET CU JANET Who? The Englishness? 13. Cam. 1 / LUCY CU LUCY The RIVET BOY! 14. Cam. 3 / PAMELA CU PAMELA The Rivet Boy? Where? 15. Cam. 4 / LUCY WA Over there ... rub that stuff out of your eyes! Looks like he's beating off! JANET Beating off? I knew he was a pervert!
145 SCENE 57 (Cont) 16. Cam. 1 / LUCY CU LUCY Do you think he's really watching us and beating off to it? 17. Cam. 3 / PAMELA CU PAMELA Drummers do that a lot ... Finally clears her eyes. 18. Cam. 4 / LUCY WA How exciting! You still trying to O.D.? PAMELA Yes, this definitely is the end for me ... I feel so ... very weak ... and faint ... I ... She collapses dramatically on the floor. 19. Cam. 3 / JANET CU JANET Good EVENING, honey! That was the most imaginary collapse I've seen all week! 20 Cam. 4 / LUCY WA Do you think she's really going to die, Janet? JANET Are you kidding? Did you see her hit on the floor? LUCY Mmmm ... well, it was so obviously cheap.
146 SCENE 57 (Cont) 21. Cam. 1 / PAMELA CU PAMELA I know I'm going to die ... groan ... this time it's real ... I mean that sincerely ... 22. Cam. 3 / JANET CU JANET Lucy, we've got to get ready for our big dance number and going to the fake night club ... 23. Cam. 1 / PAMELA (snoring) CU PAMELA Zzzz ... everything is getting dim ... Zzzz ... 24. Cam. 4 / LUCY CU LUCY You should try to keep her awake. You can tell her a story while you put your make-up on. 25. Cam. 3 / JANET 2 SHOT JANET & PAMELA Pamela, listen ... don't pass out, I'm gonna make up a nice fairy tale for you ... 26. Cam. 1 / PAMELA CU PAMELA ... I'm so sleepy ... The Mandrex ... Oh ... 27. Cam. 4 / JANET WA I'll tell you part of the story, then you make up another part that goes along with it ... once upon a time ... there was a tall, handsome, muscular ... Orchestral Prelude to "SHOVE IT RIGHT IN" STARTS PAMELA ... dwarf ...
147 SCENE 57 (Cont) 27. Continued JANET ... with a very special ... PAMELA ... Swedish apparatus ... JANET ... that him and his friends would use in conjunction with ... PAMELA Bold new surgical experiments... JANET ... involving ... PAMELA ... a bludgeon, a bottle of champagne ... JANET ... and a ... PAMELA ... microwave oven ... JANET ... from a ... PAMELA Boeing 747 leased by Air Rangoon ... JANET Which, when used correctly ... PAMELA ... can effectively increase the dimensions ... JANET ... and the fire-power of your ...
148 SCENE 57 (Cont) 27. Continued PAMELA ... dick ... JANET ... to the point where ... 28. Cam. 1 / LUCY CU LUCY In some instances, it should be classified ... as a lethal ... weapon ...
149 SCENE 58 2 mins Camera 1; in Area H ) ) Camera 2; in Area J ) ) Pointing at Stage Camera 4; outside Area I ) ) Camera 3; outside Area I ) showing CU'S JANET painting her face. Group plays on Stage F. Intercutting as directed. GROUP She painted up her face She sat before the mirror. Cam. 3 / CU JANET She painted up her face, She drew the mirror nearer Group Practissing Cams. Practiss Practissing Cam. 3 / The stare, the stare. CU JANET The secret stare she would use, If a worthy-looking victim should She is appear. practising her stare. Prictissing ZOOM into reflection. Practiss Practissing.
150 SCENE 59 2 mins Orchestra Section II. The Secret Stare. Camera 1; in Area C ) ) Camera 2; in Area E ) All pointing at Orchestra. ) Camera 3; in Area B ) Camera 4; in Area D Set in grand pianos. 1. Cam. 4 / CU VIOLINS. 2. Mix Cam. 3 / CU VIOLAS. 3. Mix Cam. 1 / CU CELLOS. 4. Cam. 4 / CU BASSOONS. 5. Cam. 2 / CU WOODWIND 6. Cam. 4 / CU PIANO. 7. Cam. 2 / CU WOODWIND. 8. Cam. 4 / CU PIANO. 9. Cam. 1 / CU WOODWIND 10. Cam. 2 / CU TUBA. 11. Cam. 4 / CU GONG.
151 SCENE 59 (Cont) 12. Cam. 3 / CU WOODWIND. 13. Cam. 4 / CU SOLO VIOLIN. 14. Cam. 3 / CU CLARINET. 15. Cam. 2 / CU HORNS. 16. Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPET. 17. Cam. 2 / CU HORNS. 18. Cam. 1 / CU WOODBLOCKS. 19. Cam. 2 / CU TUBA. 20. Cam. 4 / CU VIOLINS. 21. Mix Cam. 3 / CU PIANO. 22. Mix Cam. 2 / CU GUITAR.
152 SCENE 60 Sound only (sync) playback of Scene 59 Camera 1; in Area H ) ) Cameras 3 & 4; outside Area I) All looking at J ) Camera 2; in Area G ) Intercutting as directed. The dancers, (in J) made-up with harsh white faces, all looking like women, are doing a parody of modern dance, imitating Groupies stares They are wearing wimple helmet. Janet takes her life-size rag doll out of its place (on Cam. 4) (in I) and exits room towards J, where she joins the dancers.
153 SCENE 61 1½ mins. Camera 1; in Area H ) ) Camera 4; outside Area I) Pointing at Stage ) Camera 2; in Area G ) Camera 3; following the action in the Groupies room. Cam. 3 / GROUP CU CUCKOO CLOCK The clock upon the wall PAN to DOLL Has struck the midnight hour PAN to BATHROOM She finished her call DOOR. Her girl friends in the shower Practississing, Mix to. Practiss Group Cams. Practising Intercutting as directed. Cam. 3 / Half a dozen provocative squats, CU JANET out of the shower, She squeezes her spots, Still looking in Brushes her teeth mirror, manicuring And shoots a deodorant spray herself Up her twot It's getting her hot. Cam. 1 / CU FRANK Cam. 3 / CU JANET Group Cams. (As directed) She's just twenty-four And she can't get off, A sad but typical case. Last dude to do her Got in and got soft She blew it and laughed in his face.
154 SCENE 62 1½ mins. Orchestral Interlude III "She laughed in his face" Camera 1; in Area H ) ) Cameras 3 & 4; outside Area I) pointing towards Groupies Rooms ) Camera 2; in Area G ) Set in 4 empty rows of theatre seats. Intercutting as directed. Cam. 4 / CU LUCY LUCY pulls her life- size doll out of the back of the toilet, throws it in the bath tub, sprays it with deodorant, and leaves it doubled over in the bath tub. Then she exits towards J. where the DANCERS (all looking like men) execute provoc- ative squats under Lucy's direction, They all finish up sprawled across the theatre seats.
155 SCENE 63 2 mins. Camera 1; in Area H ) ) Cameras 3 & 4; outside Area I ) Pointing towards Groupies Rooms ) Camera 2; in Area G ) Cam. 4 / GROUP 2 SHOT. 2 NUDE GROUPIES. She chooses all the clothes She'll wear tonight to dance in The places that she goes Are filled with guys from groups Cam. 3 / Waiting for a chance CU JANET To break her pants in. who re-enters her room through the closet, dragging in clothes, boots etc. She throws all the clothes on the bed and proceeds to pick out what she will wear. Cam. 1 / CU LUCY. LUCY picks her clothes out of the GIRLS hamper in the bathroom. Well, at least there's sort of a choice there. Cam. 2 / GROUP CU FRANK (on stage) Twenty or thirty at times There have been Somewhat desirable boys there, Dressed really spiffy, With long hair, Waiting for girls They can shove it right in. REPEAT with the Groupies semi-dressed.
156 SCENE 64 30 secs. Orchestral Section IV - Postlude: 1 Camera 1; in Area H ) ) Cameras 3 & 4; outside Area I) Pointing towards Groupies Rooms ) Camera 2; in Area G ) Cam. 3 / CU JANET She pulls out her life- size doll from the closet and sits it on a seat next to her. Cam. 1 / CU LUCY LUCY pulls out her doll and puts it on the closet Cam. 4 / CU SHOTS OF DOLLS.
157 SCENE 65 I min. Orchestral Section IV Postlude; 1 - the End. Camera 1; in Area E ) Camera 2; in Area G ) Pointing at Groupies' Rooms. Camera 3; in Area B ) Camera 4; in front of D ) Pointing at Orchestra 1. Cam. 2 / CU LUCY She flushes the toilet, and the dolls fly out. She looks amazed. TRACK BACK. 2. Cam. 1 / HIGH WA STAGE HANDS (DANCERS) rush in and start to assemble mirror-stalls in front of Stage (F) (Orchestra continues playing) 3. Cam. 4 / CU BELLS. 4. Mix Cam. 3 / CU VIOLINS. 5. Cam. 4 / CU CLARINET. 6. Mix Cam. 1 / CU HORNS. 7. Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPETS. 8. Cam. 1 / CU TUBA.
158 SCENE 65 (Cont) 9. Cam. 3 / CU VIOLINS. ZOOM IN. 10. Cam. 1 / CU WOODBLOCKS. 11. Cam. 1 / CU TROMBONES. 12. Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPETS. 13. Mix. Cam. 3 / CU PIANO.
159 SCENE 66 1 min. Playback of scene 65 Orchestral Section IV Postlude; 1 - the End. Camera 1; in Area E ) ) Pointing at Groupies' Rooms. Camera 2; in Area G ) ) Camera 3; in Area H ) ) Pointing into Groupies' rooms. Camera 4; in Area H ) 1. Cam. 2 / CU LUCY She flushes the toilet, and the dolls fly out. She looks amazed. TRACK BACK. 2. Cam. 1 / HIGH WA STAGE HANDS (DANCERS) rush in and start to assemble mirror-stalls stage (F) (Orchestra continues playing) 3. Cam. 4 / WA Mirror stalls in fore- ground left. In distance, in Janet's bedroom, we see the NUN, dressed in fake little winds, ascending slowly into heaven on a cheap wire. ZOOM IN Intercut with Camera 3 as directed. Feathers fall off the wings. The Dancers in their mod interviewer costumes rush in to get pictures as she disappears into the sky. More feathers. Flash bulbs.
160 SCENE 67 3 mins. Camera 1; in Area E, HIGH WA of Mirror Stalls. Cameras 3 & 4; in Area H, looking into Mirror Stalls. Camera 2; in Area G, pointing at Frank on the stage. Stand mics. in Mirror Stalls. This scene consists of 4 Mirror Stalls, placed against the stage F arranged on springs like starting gates at a race track. The mirrors are distorting, fun-house type mirrors. Thus, close up shots will distort. Each mirror stall is meant to be a motel room. The Dwarf, dressed as Frank, is on the stage, narrating. Howard, Mark, Jeff & Aynsley are talking to themselves. 1. Cam. 2 / DWARF CU DWARF. All the guys in the group are pretending to get ready so they can find some pussy. 2. Cam. 1 / MARK CU MARK. I wonder where the action is in this town? 3. Cam. 2 / DWARF CU DWARF. Every musician likes to get some pussy. 4. Cam. 3 / HOWARD MS HOWARD I coulda really scored last night ... but every night it's the same thing ... Aynsley got there first ... he's so fast ... must be from playing the drums or something if only those girls over there knew about my secret identity ... but how could they? How could they know .. ZOOM IN. that I am BWANA DIK!
161 SCENE 67 (Cont) 5. Cam. 4 / AYNSLEY MS AYNSLEY. Where's my hair dryer ... got ZOOM IN to look lovely for the girls ... after all ... I am BWANA DIK! 6. Cam. 3 / JEFF MS JEFF. That Aynsley gets me so pissed off sometimes ... thinks he's some kind of Pop Star with that rancid Liverpool accent ... all the girls go berserk over it. But he won't stand a chance when those chicks that just flew outa there on a wire with the dolls, find out my secret identity ... none may ZOOM IN resist the power of BWANA DIK! 7. Cam. 1 / GEORGE (in MARK's stall) MS GEORGE. I thought I was gonna get a chance to play some solos ... instead he got me playing this dumb back- ground part while all the other guys in the band pretend they're getting ready to go out hustling chicks. I wonder if they know ... ZOOM IN. I am BWANA DIK! 8. Cam. 2 / DWARF MS DWARF Each guy has his own little speciality for getting the girl of ZOOM IN. his dreams ... 9. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD. Let's see ... I sprayed my pits, I put on a new tie-dye T shirt, I brushed my teeth ... 10. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF. I did my hair ... 11. Cam. 1 / MARK CU MARK. I cleaned my glasses ...
162 SCENE 67 (Cont) 12. Cam. 3 / IAN (in Howard's stall) CU HOWARD. I buffed my finger nails. 13. Cam. 4 / AYNSLEY (in Jeff's stall) CU JEFF. I left my shirt un-buttoned at the top ... 14. Cam. 2 / DWARF CU DWARF. I staffed three pairs of socks and a bar of beauty soap down the front of my pants. 15. Cam. 1 / GEORGE (in Mark's stall) CU GEORGE. I bought a copy of Down Beat so I could carry it around and look like I knew what was happening ... 16. Cam. 3 / HOWARD MS HOWARD. I just know I'm gonna get laid tonight! I'm not taking any chances ... Aynsley won't stand a chance against THIS! It's a little jar of tinsel glitter ... the same brand Danny Hutton puts on his face ... makes him look like ZOOM IN. he's glistening and seductive ... just slap a little on here ... the cheeks ... the chin ... near the quivering lips ... I am so commercial I could die. Quick! Somebody turn on a blue spotlight!
163 SCENE 68 3 mins. Camera 1; in Area E ) ) Camera 2; in Area G ) All pointing at F. ) Cameras 3 & 4 in Area H ) No mirror stalls. The Group plays: - Cam. 4 / GROUP 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD What will this morning (in blue spot) Bring me this evening? What will this morning Intercutting Bring me this evening? Cams. 1,2,3, as Some local hot action before we directed. are leaving. Go to the club or the bar Or wherever the pussy is found In the town your band has been Booked to play in. It's always a little bit harder To score if its just your first time In a town you never hit before If you played in it once, And got laid, You got it made, If it's just your first time Then you know it's no fun To go back to a plastic hotel all alone. Go to the club or the bar Go to the club or the bar Or wherever the pussy is found in The town.
164 SCENE 69 Camera 1; High WA overlooking mirror stalls. Camera 4; Low WA mirror stalls. Camera 2; In Area G, looking at exits of mirror stalls. Camera 3; Inside Club, looking at entrance. Sync-sound playback of Scene 68 What will this morning Bring me this evening? What will this morning Bring me this evening? Some local hot action before we are leaving. Cam. 1 / Go to the club, or the bar WA MIRROR STALLS Or wherever the pussy is found Bell goes off. In the town your band has been (This section to be Booked to play in. repeated for videodisc slow-motion) Cam. 4 / It's always a little bit harder To score if it's just your first time In a town you never hit before Cam. 3 / If you played in it once, They enter the And got laid, club. You got it made, If it's just your first time Then you know it's no fun To go back to a plastic hotel all alone Go to the club or the bar Go to the club or the bar Or wherever the pussy is found in The town. Cam. 3 / ZOOM PAST DOLLS/GIRLS towards door. Enter FRANK. He smiles. (Repeat the escape (as above) for slow-motion) FX. Nightclub mumble.
165 SCENE 70 Camera 3; Inside Club. Camera 4; Inside Club. Sequence to be later reverses by VIDEO DISC Lucy, a Lucy doll, and Jeff Beck dressed and made up to look like Lucy. and Janet, a Janet doll, and Mark dressed and made up to look like Janet. 1st. The Lucy doll, then Lucy, then Jeff Beck/Lucy are flown out. 2nd. The Janet doll, then Janet, then Mark/Janet are flown out. When reversed, this sequence cut into the line: "Or wherever the pussy is found in The town.
166 SCENE 71 Interior the Club (X). Camera 2, 3, and 4 pointing into X. The Dancers are dressed as 2 Mutant Newts, 4 Gazelles, 2 Children (who shot each other) and 4 mod-trendies. Also Mark dressed as Janet: Jeff Beck dressed as Lucy: Motorhead as the Disc Jockey, sitting in his booth. The Vacuum Cleaner is sitting by Motorhead. During the song, we see the Freakies of Centerville, who are dancing a Rock and Roll dance. Intercutting as directed. Begin with FX; Nightclub mumble. Cam. 2 / CU DISC JOACKEY BOOTH As if from the disc, we hear ... "WHAT WILL THIS EVENING" SOUND only. (Song already prerecorded) What will I say The next day To whatever I drag To my hotel tonight (If things go all right) What will I say The next day To whatever I drag To my hotel tonight (Will she be outa' site) What will this evening Bring me this morning What will this evening Bring me this morning A succulent fat one? A mod little flat one? Maybe a hot one To give me the clap Maybe a freak who gets off with a strap. What will I say The next day To whatever I drag To my hotel tonight (If things go all right)
167 SCENE 72 Interior the Club (X) Sound - the long fade of "What Will This Evening" pre-recorded track. Camera 1; in Area G) Camera 2; in Area T) All looking into Area X Camera 3/4 in Area W) Don Preston's light show by Y. The Dancers are still doing rock 'n roll type dancing throughout. Mark is dressed as Janet. Jeff Beck is dressed as Lucy. In the background is a light show wailing away, operated by none other than Bif Debris and the Latex Solar Beef Show. The vacuum cleaner is still squatting disconsolately by Motorheads booth. The group is lounging around with the four Mod-Trendies. Motorhead is the disc jockey. 1. Cam. 1 / CU'S CLUB OWNER (NARRATOR) 2. Cam. 3 / CU HOWARD. 3. Cam. 2 / 2 SHOT JANET & LUCY. 4. Cam. 4 / 2 SHOT MARK & JEFF BECK still dressed as Janet and Lucy. 5. Cam. 3 / MS HOWARD, who goes over towards JANET & LUCY. They by-pass him for AYNSLEY. HOWARD continues on to MARK & JEFF BECK. They make him sit down by them.
168 SCENE 73 3 Mins. Cam 2 in Area T) ) All looking into X Cam 4 in Area W) Cam 1 in Area G - looking into either X or Z Camera 3; has now moved inside club. Boom by the bar. HOWARD is now seated between Mark/Janet and Jeff Beck/Lucy. The rest of the Group is playing on the club stage (Z) throughout; dressed in big wigs, fringe, boutique-world clothes. 1. Cam. 4 / HOWARD What's a girl like you doin' in a place like this? 2. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD I left my place after midnight. I came to the club. Me and my partner came here lookin' for love. 3. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD You come to the right place, this is it. The swingin'est place in Centerville, New Jersey, no shit. 4. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET CU MARK How true that is. 5. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD How true indeed. 6. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET CU MARK I came here all the time to get the hot romance I need. We like to get it on. Do you like to get it on, too? 7. Cam. 4 / HOWARD 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD Well, what'd you have in mind?
169 SCENE 73 (Cont) 8. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET CU MARK I get off from being juked with a baby octopus, or ZOOM OUT TO spewed upon with creamed 3 SHOT corn, and my girl friend digs it with a hot bottle of some citrus flavour carbon- nated beverage, with some- body screaming; "Corks & Safeties. Corks & Safeties!" 9. Cam. 1 / JEFF SIMMONS CU JEFF SIMMONS (on stage) Gets me so hot I could scream! 10. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET CU MARK Corks & Safeties. Corks & Safeties. 11. Cam. 1 / JEFF SIMMONS CU JEFF SIMMONS Hey, heyyy, wo wo wo! 12. Cam. 3 / MARK/JANET CU MARK Corks & Safeties. Corks & Safeties. 13. Cam. 4 / HOWARD 3 SHOT Wow! Sounds like you two chicks are real far out and groovy. Ever been to a ZOOM INTO Cheesey Motel? Ha ha ha ha HOWARD ha haaah! Vibro-matic in the bed, wall-mounted TV screen; rancid coffee exudes from the bathroom wall. And the shoe-buffer's really keen. 14. Cam. 1 / GROUP CU JEFF SIMMONS ZOOM OUT to reveal What kind of girl do you think GROUP on stage (Z) we are? What kind of girl do you think we are? I'm not a Groupie, that is going too far. We wouldn't ball you just because you're a star.
SCENE 73 (Cont) 170 15. Cam. 2 / FRANK (spoken aside) CU FRANK Those girls wouldn't let just anybody spew on their vital parts. They only want a guy from a group with a big hit single in the charts. 16. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Funny you should mention it our new hit single made the charts this week with a 17. Cam. 2 / bullet CU DRUMMER (on stage Z) 18. Cam. 4 / with a CU HOWARD 19. Cam. 2 / bullet. CU DRUMMER 20. Cam. 4 / Just let me put a little more CU HOWARD tinsel glitter on my face right now and you can show me how a young girl such as you might be thrilled and overwhelmed by me. 21. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK What Cheesey Motel you staying at? 22. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Wanna leave right away? 23. Cam. 3 / MARK Not so fast, you silly boy. There's one more thing to say.
171 SCENE 73 (Cont) 23. Continued Cams. 1, 2, 3 / GROUP looking at GROUP (Z) We wanna guy from a group, Got a thing in the charts, Intercutting as directed. We wanna guy from a group, Got a thing in the charts ... and We wanna guy from a group, Got a thing in the charts. If his dick is a monster If his dick is a monster If his dick is a monster We will give him our hearts!
172 SCENE 74 30 secs. Camera 1 in Area G Camera 2 in Are T Camera 4 in Area W Camera 3 inside club. Group playing throughout as before. Cam. 3 / HOWARD Hold it! Hold it! Well, why didn't you say so before? I got the thing you need. I am the main man in the monster dick catalogue. I am endowed beyond your wildest pimple cream fantasies. Ha ha ha ha haaaah! Girls from around the world write my name on the walls of the toilet at the Whiskey A-Go-Go. I am Bwana Dik! Cam. 4 / CU MARK, who looks astonished. DISSOLVE INTO ANIMATION SEQUENCE OF BWANA DIK.
173 SCENE 75 2½ mins. Group on Stage Z sing "Bwana Did" song. Cameras 1, 2, 3, 4 cluster round Z. Intercutting as directed. Most of the song will be used as the sound track for the Animation Sequence (Scene 74) Cam. 2 / GROUP CU FRANK My dick is a monster, Gimme your heart. Bwana Dik is a legend Enormous thou art. My dick is a Chopper, You kick it to start. Bwana Dik speaks - The Heavens will part. My dick is a dagger, I'll force it to fit. My dick is a reamer, To steam up your slit, Steam it! Steam it! Ream it! Cream it! You can hear the steam, You can hear the screaming steam. As the reamer steams up the lake. To the snake In the black velvet crystal steaming. Hot black screaming, Irridescent, screaming, Tuck & Roll python steam roller. Hear the steam, Feel the steam, See the steam, Hear the screaming, Hot blacks teaming Tuck & Roll irridescent screaming Python steam roller. (ANIMATION SEQUENCE ENDS) Cam. 2 / All groupies must bow down CU FRANK In the sacred presence of the Latex Solar Beef.
174 SCENE 75 (Cont) Cam. 1 / The steam is coming out DON PRESTON'S LIGHT The steam is coming out. SHOW is going wild in background. Cam. 3 / CUT TO ESPRESSO MACHINE which blows up.
175 SCENE 76 3 mins. Recorded (Sound and Vision) in Week 1. On main group stage (F) "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy" Cameras 1, 2, 3, 4 cluster round F. Intercutting as directed. Cam. 1 / FRANK CU FRANK She's such a dignified lady She's so pretty and soft You can't call her a groupie It just pisses her off. She got diamonds and jewelry She got lotsa new clothes She ain't hurtin' for money So that everyone knows. That she knows what she wants And she knows what she likes And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out She got her eyes on you. She left her place after midnight And she drove to the club You know that her and her partner Came here lookin' for love They want a guy from a group That got a thing in the charts If his dick is a monster They will give him their hearts. Cause they know what they want And they know what they got And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out They got their eyes on you. Cause they know what they want And they know what they got And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out They got their eyes on you.
176 SCENE 77 Sync-sound playback of Scene 76 Camera 1; in Area G pointing towards X Camera 2; in front of Z pointing towards X Cameras 3 & 4; looking into X The dancers, 2 mutant Newts, 4 Gazelles, 2 Children and 4 Trendies, are dancing erotically in the club. Jeff Beck is dressed as Lucy. Mark " " as Janet. Motherhead is the disc jockey. 1. Cam. 3 / GROUP (on playback) CU MARK fondling HOWARD She's such a dignified lady 2. Cam. 1 / CU JEFF BECK She's so pretty and soft also fondling HOWARD 3. Cam. 3 / CU MARK You can't call her a groupie ZOOM IN It just pisses her off 4. Cam. 1 / CU JEFF BECK She got diamonds and jewelry ZOOM IN She got lotsa new clothes 5. Cam. 3 / She ain't hurtin' for money 2 shot So that everyone knows. ZOOM INTO MARK 6. Cam. 4 & 2 / That she knows what she wants CU DANCERS And she knows what she likes And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Intercutting as directed. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out 7. Cam. 3 / She got her eyes on you CU MARK
177 SCENE 77 (Cont) 8. Cam. 1 / CU JEFF BECK She left her place after midnight ZOOM IN And she drove to the club 9. Cam. 3 / 2 SHOT You know that her & her partner Came here lookin' for love 10. Cam. 1 / They want a guy from a group CU HOWARD That got a thing in the charts 11. Cam. 3 / CU MARK If his dick is a monster crawling all over They will give him their hearts. HOWARD 12. Cam. 4 & 2 / 'Cause they know what they want CU DANCERS And they know what they got And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Intercutting as directed. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out. 13. Cam. 3 / They got their eyes on you. CU MARK 14. Cam. 1 / WA MARK, HOWARD 'Cause they know what they want & JEFF BECK get And they know what they got up to leave. And Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Look out 15. Cam. 3 / THEY turn and look They got their eyes on you. back into club. MUSIC CONTINUES.
178 SCENE 78 2½ mins. Mark, Howard and Jeff are inside the Tinsel Cock Car, being pushed up the street (J) towards the Motel by Motorhead and the vacuum cleaner. Jeff Beck is dressed as Lucy, he is carrying his guitar. Camera 2; in W looking out towards F Camera 1; looking at Group on Stage Z Cameras 3 & 4; tracking back in front of Mark & Howard 1. Cam. 3 / MOTORHEAD LOW 2 SHOT You like my new car? 2. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD It's real cool. You know how to get to the Cheesey Motel? 3. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Which one you staying at? 4. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD (They have now The one by the airport. We reached the exterior gotta get up early and fly of the liquor shop and out in the morning. turn into M, away from the camp) 5. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Where do you play tomorrow? 6. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Tierra Del Fuego ... then there's a barbecue at Mutt's house ... 7. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Ooh, you're so professional Car stops ... the way you get to travel to all those exotic places.
179 SCENE 78 (Cont) 8. Cam. 1 / WA (At this point, the DANCERS go by the car - on the P side - carrying exotic bits of scenery) 9. Cam. 3 / You really got a hit single CU MARK in the charts with a bullet? 10. Cam. 1 / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang! 11. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Would I lie to you just to get in your pants? 12. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Don't talk to me that way! I'm not a Groupie ... and neither is my girl friend. 13. Cam. 1 / JEFF CU JEFF No shit, Howie ... we just like musicians for friends. I go over to Alvin Lee's house all the time. He's been showing me how to play the guitar ... but strictly platonic. 14. Cam. 4 / HOWARD 2 SHOT But you told me you got off with a baby octopus and some cream corn and a hot citrus- carbonated beverage bottle ... what's the deal?
180 SCENE 78 (Cont) 15. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Sure that's all true ... sometimes I even get off on a Swedish apparatus and great moments in Danish literature with a full-colour dog book, but we don't want you to think we're Groupies. 16. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Bu I want some action. I want a steaming succulent orifice with a teenage girl attached to it. I thought we were gonna get it on. 17. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK I been looking for a guy from ZOOM OUT a group with a dick which is a monster. The car has now arrived outside the Motel (S) Cam. 4. continues down M. Cam. 3. TRACKS BACK down by Motel wall. MARK gets out. 18. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD (still inside car) That's me. Take me I'm yours. Fulfill my wildest dreams. 19. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Of course, my precious most (MARK goes round to seductive pop star of a man ... the trunk of the car anything you want ... getting out all the various bead jobs, knotted nylons, objects showing them to bamboo cases, ice cubes, beef camera, including the jerky, and/or a portable electric dwarf's lamp and the pony harness, air cooled ... all steaming briefcase) this and more ...
181 SCENE 78 (Cont) 20. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD I'm ready! I'm ready now! Give it to me! Now! Now! Right here in the car! Gimme the pony harness. 21. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK Only if you'll sing me your hit single with the bullet first. 22. Cam. 1 / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang! 23 Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What? HOWARD now jumps out of the car. MOTORHEAD comes round to join them. The car is still parked outside the Motel. MOTORHEAD is holding the tape recorder which the dwarf used to spy on the group. 24. Cam. 3 / MARK WA MARK in foreground. In the background, the I can't come unless you sing dancers emerge from the me your hit ... you gotta sing night club carrying photo- me the bullet too. blow-ups of Billboard and Cash Box Charts. The Charts show all the numbers from 200 MOTELS. 25. Cam. 1 / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang! 26. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD involving himself in The bullet? dance action.
182 SCENE 78 (Cont) 27. Cam. 1 / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang! 28. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK gesturing to Chart The bullet ... as it dances by 29. Cam. 1. / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang. 30. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK is the part that gets me the hottest.
183 SCENE 79 30 secs. Interior Motel Lobby (S) Music vamp continues throughout Camera 3 & 4; in front of S Camera 2; in front of Z 1. Cam. 3 / RANCE (confidentially) CU DESK CLERK, RANCE Excuse me for interrupting, but He beckons towards the I thought some of you might en- camera. joy this more if you knew what The camera seems to be the bullet really was. My lovely entering the lobby. assistant, Margo, will help me explain ... 2. Cam. 4 / RANCE WA DESK CLERK The bullet ... is a bullet shaped A MALE DANCER flips, dot (as you can see in our in looking outrageous with illustration ...) which will appear a "Cash Box" on THE CHART (hold up the chart Chart blow-up. a little more, Margo) ... RANCE comes out from behind the counter. 3. Cam. 3 / CU MARGO 4. Cam. 4 / RANCE WA RANCE .... next to the title of the record listed. This bullet ... indicates the record has moved more than 10 points in one week on the chart. It means the record is selling fast and headed for THE TOP OF THE CHARTS... (point to the top of the chart, Margo ...) 5. Cam. 3 / CU MARGO 6. Cam. 4 / RANCE WA RANCE It means that the group which made the record is destined for stardom, fame, wealth, riches, success and money ... all these things are implied in the con- ception of the bullet ...
184 SCENE 79 (Cont) 7. Cam. 2 / DUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang! 8. Cam. 4 / JEFF WA MARK, HOWARD and JEFF BECK, go past When we get into the room, do you RANCE into the Motel, think you can show me some still mumbling about the chords ... "bullet".
185 SCENE 80 15 secs. Interior Motel Corridor (T) Mark/Janet; Howard and Jeff/Lucy are walking away down corridor. Cam. 4 / HOWARD 3 SHOT O.K. Bend over and spread 'em. Here comes my bullet!
186 SCENE 81 2½ secs. Camera 1; behind, and at the side of Area Z Camera 2; outside Area S ) ) Looking into Area T Cameras 3 & 4; in Area T ) Interior Motel Room (T) Howard sings his bullet - "Magic Fingers" He is pseudo-eroticizing Mark, who is still dressed as Janet. The rest of the Group are live on Z. 4 Trendies (female) The Dancers Frug, in a frugging manner. They are dressed erotically, quasi groupie. Mark/Janet cannot achieve an orgasm until Howard has sung his hit single. Jeff Beck/Lucy looks on amazed. She also likes to be eroticised with a baby octopus - not available on room service at this hour. The Group play throughout. Optical effects required. Cam. 2 CU's HOWARD Cam. 3 CU's MARK/JANET Cam. 1 GROUP Cam. 4 DANCERS Intercutting as directed. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Oooh, the way you love me, lady I get so hard now I could die. Oooh, the way you love me, sugar I get so hard now I could die Open up y' pocket book Get another quarter out Drop it in the meter, mama Try me on for size. Oooh, the way you squeeze me, bab[y] Red balloons Just pop behind my eyes
187 SCENE 81 (Cont) HOWARD (Continued) Oooh, the way you squeeze me, girl Red balloons Just pop behind my eyes The DANCERS are now Open up y' pocket book leaving the Motel room, Get another quarter out shaking hands with MARK, Drop it in the meter, mama HOWARD and JEFF as Try me on for size. they go. RECITATIVE MUSIC VAMP CONTINUES UNDER Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Do you really wanna please me? Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD You know I do! Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Tell me why you do it, I really wanna know. Cam. 3 / HOWARD 2 SHOT HOWARD and MARK It wouldn't be right for me to tell you tonight. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Tell me right away or I'll dress up and go. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Don't get mad ... it ain't no big thing. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Stop the music. Tell me right away. Don't treat me cold.
188 SCENE 82 30 secs. Camera 1; behind and at the side of Area Z Camera 2; outside Area S ) ) looking into Area T Camera 3/4; in Area T ) Howard is lit from behind in a follow spot. He paces back and forth throughout, in the Orson Welles style. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Well ... there's a lot of reasons why I'd bring a girl like you back to a Plastic hotel and rip you off for spare change to run a HOWARD is undressing vibrating machine attached to a MARK/JANET. queen-sized bulk purchase kapok- infested do-not-remove-tag-under penalty-of-law-type bed ... And make you take off all your little clothes, even down to your chrome with heavy duty rawhide thong Peace Medallion till you were stark raving nude ... And force you to assume a series of marginally erotic poses involving a plastic chair and some old guitar strap while I pissed on your hair and beat you with a pair He shows the pair of of tennis shoes I got from Jeff tennis shoes. Beck. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU TENNIS SHOES (pause) ZOOM CUT TO REVEAL Soundly about the tits and buttocks. JEFF BECK. He rips off Also in the cookie his Lucy wig and costume, With a cold wet face towel twirled and plugs his guitar lead into and compact to make it go snappy the wall socket. The volume when I pop it up you controls for his amplifier are on the TV set. And all the time recording your whimpers and grunts on my Intercutting between 3 and cassette machine so all the other 4 as directed. guys in the band Can get off on it in the bus to- morrow.
189 SCENE 83 Camera 1; in Area K looking at Z Camera 3; in Area K looking at Z Camera 4; in Motel Room towards X Camera 2; looking into S Group Vamp continues. Cameras 2, 3, 4 now pointing into T. Boom between 2 and 3. Mark dressed as Janet, but with only a girdle, suspenders, shoes, nylons and a bra. Jeff Beck dressed as Lucy, sitting in a corner, strumming his guitar. 1. Cam. 4 / MARK 2 Shot MARK and HOWARD Of course ... that's all very true ... but why do you do it? 2. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Well ... our group has a reputation to uphold. We don't want anybody to think we're square ... or normal. But, if you don't mind me asking, why do you submit to this sort of treatment? Do you really get off on any of this? 3. Cam. 4 / MARK 2 SHOT Well ... I must confess ... the amount of gratification a girl such as myself might gain from having her hair pissed upon while bent over a plastic chair in a state of guitar strap bondage is somewhat minimal ... ZOOM IN ... remember, I told you before I got off from being juked with a baby octopus and spewed upon with creamed corn ... 4. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Yeah ... and your girl friend, digs it with a hot citrus flavoured carbonated beverage bottle while somebody screams, "Corks and Safeties".
190 SCENE 83 (Cont) 5. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Right ... and even though the tennis shoes you been smashing me on the tits and buttocks with once belonged to Jeff Beck, it's still not a baby octopus ... you know what I mean? 6. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD You mean ... you aren't enjoying any of this? 7. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK I miss the creamed corn ... and even though you sang me your new hit single with the bullet. 8. Cam. 1 / DRUMMER CU DRUMMER Bang. 9. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK there's still something missing. MUSIC STOPS 10. Cam. 2 / HOWARD WA HOWARD But we got this vibrating bed here ... that's sort of erotic ... and my dick is a monster ... you know that. 11. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MAKR Oh don't think I'm not grateful ... I mean, it will be very impressive when I tell all my girl friends tomorrow about how I balled Bwana Dik. ZOOM OUT to 2 SHOT Everybody at school will respect me and think I'm real neat. 12. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD I can see how they would ... you know I'm outa site.
191 SCENE 83 (Cont) 13. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Yeah ... I just won't tell 'em that you couldn't make me come. 14. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What? 15. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK I been faking the grunts so you wouldn't feel bad ... I didn't wanna put you on a bummer. I know you gotta fly out early in the morning to Tierra Del Fuego. 16. Cam. 1 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What's the deal? This has never happened to Bwana Dik before! Girls from around the world die to write my name on the bathroom wall at the Whiskey A-Go-Go ... I'm outa site! 17. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Well ... it's not your fault. I (Pointing at CAMERA) can't hold you responsible. He's not making you do it. 18. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Listen, I'm Bwana Dik ... every- body comes when I get a hold of 'em ... my dick is a monster and I'm outa site. How can you beat a combination like that? With another jar of tinsel glitter, I could rule the world. 19. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Listen, Howie ... uh ... I don't quite know how to explain this to you ... 20. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Is it my breath?
192 SCENE 83 (Cont) 21. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Howard ... it's your ... it's your penis ... 22. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What? 23. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK You're too concerned with its dimensions ... I'm sorry, Howie ... (Sob) ... we have to ZOOM CUT to stop now and get ready for the 2 SHOT. big production number and torch- light parade. 24. Cam. 3 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Wait a minute ... can you explain this to me again? 25. Cam. 4 / MARK (still sobbing) MS MARK Certainly, Howard ... ZOOM IN.
193 SCENE 84 PENIS DIMENSION Orchestra; Chorus; Group Camera 1; in Area B looking at M Camera 2; in Area J looking at M Cameras 3 & 4; starting in Area S and tracking back with procession. We begin inside the Motel Room. As the music starts up, the Motel Room disappears and a torchlight procession proceeds out of the Motel, up Main Street and into the Concentration Camp. Mark is still dressed (or undressed) as Janet. Jeff Beck " " " " as Lucy. Janet & Lucy are among the crowd and their dolly. Aynsley is there with his binoculars. The Chorus are dressed as members of the Klu Klux Klan. The Dancers are dressed as Centerville Citizens. Up at Concentration Camp, the towers are in and 3 fences only. 1. Cam. 4 / CU MARK Penis Dimension! 2. Cam. 3 / CU HOWARD Penis Dimension? 3. Cam. 4 / WA MARK Over MARK's shoulder we see inlay of WALL (from Camera 2) Inlay cringes out to reveal CITIZENS CITIZENS singing Penis Dimension Is worrying me! 4. Cam. 3 / WA Over Citizens' shoulders. ZOOM IN towards HOWARD HOWARD I can hardly sleep at night,
194 SCENE 84 (Cont) 5. Cam. 4 / WA CHORUS CHORUS At letter A, the 'Cause of Penis Dimension. CHORUS begin worrying extensively. 6. Cam. 3 / CHORUS WA PROCESSION Do you worry? The procession begins. Do you worry a lot? 7. Cam. 4 / CU CHORUS More CHORUS excessive worrying. Tearing their hair etc. 8. Cam. 3 / 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD No! 9. Cam. 4 / CU CHORUS Even more agitated. 10. Cam. 3 / MS MARK MARK Who is asking the Do you worry and moan? CHORUS ... HOWARD ... That the size of your cock is not monstrous enough. 11. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD No! 12. Cam. 3 / CHORUS MS MEN CHORUS who ask HOWARD It's your penis dimension
195 SCENE 84 (Cont) 13. Cam. 1 / HIGH WA PROCESSION The PROCESSION has now reached the Concentration Camp. MOTORHEAD is sitting with the vacuum cleaner on the Newt Porch, watching. 14. Cam. 4 / CHORUS CU RANCE who opens the gates. Penis Dimension 15. Cam. 3 / The PROCESSION floods into the camp and settles down. The GROUP (on F) starts playing a vamp, and is cross- faded with the general orchestral diminuendo
196 SCENE 85 Camera 1; in Area C Camera 2; in Area E Camera 3; in Area E Camera 4; in Area D In the Concentration Camp. Group vamp continues under. The Dancers are in their Centerville citizens gear. Mark, now dressed only in a girdle and suspender belt, mounts a little rostrum which is bedecked with bunting and equipped with a crane-neck microphone, and proceeds as if to make a political speech. Rance has joined the procession. 1. Cam. 4 / MARK (to HOWARD) CU MARK Now just to be honest about it, friends & neighbors Did you ever consider the possibility that your penis ... 2. Cam. 3 / CU CHORUS Who look astonished. 3. Cam. 4 / CU MARK and in the case of many dignified ladies That the size of the titles themselves 4. Cam. 2 / CU LADIES OF THE Might possibly provide elements CHORUS who giggle of subconscious tension, Which affect our everyday lives 5. Cam. 4 / CU MARK Weird twisted anxieties, That could force a person to become 6. Cam. 3 / CU DANCERS A policeman! He clubs someone (canned hysterical applause) with a truncheon which shatters.
SCENE 85 (Cont) 197 7. Cam. 2 / CU DANCER A Jesuit Monk! (canned applause) He clubs the police- man with a cross which shatters. 8. Cam. 4 / CU JEFF BECK A Rock 'n Roll singer! (canned applause) He clubs the Jesuit Monk with a guitar, which shatters. 9. Cam. 3 / MARK (to HOWARD) CU DANCER A Wino! (canned applause) 10. Cam. 4 / You name it ... CU MARK 11. Cam. 2 / Or, in the case of the ladies ... CU CHORUS The ones who can't afford a silicon beef-up become 12. Cam. 3 / Writers of hot books ... CU DANCER (canned applause) 13. Cam. 1 / Carmelite nuns ... CU A DANCER (canned applause) looks to heaven as feathers sprinkle down. 14. Cam. 2 / Jockeys! CU KLU KLUX KLAN member, who reveals a jockey leg. 15. Cam. 4 / There is no reason why you or your loved ones should suffer. Things are bad enough already without the size of your organs. Adding even more misery to the troubles of the world. ZOOM OUT
198 SCENE 85 (Cont) 15. Continued If you're a lady with munchkin tits, You can console yourself with this age-old line from grammar school: "Anything over a mouthful is wasted. 16. Cam. 3 / (to CAMERA) And if you're a guy and you're ashamed of your dick and somebody hits on you one night in casual conversation And turns to you and says "Eight inches or less?" You just look that sonofabitch right between the eyes and say: ORCHESTRA MUSIC STARTS
199 SCENE 86 Camera 1; in Area C Camera 2; in Area E Camera 3; is behind the Orchestra Camera 4; in Area D Orchestra plays throughout. The Big Wheel is in, near the Conductor. The scene is heavily back-lit. The whole thing is a send-up of Ave Maria. Rance, who is in the Narrator's area, leads a situation-comedy type argument between the boys and the girls, who have taken off their Klu Klux Klan hats. 1. Cam. 2 / CU GUITARS 2. Cam. 3 / RANCE (Singing) WA RANCE What's between your legs is just the last few inches of a complex ZOOM IN mechanism which runs up 'n down the spinal cord 'n all hooked up to the human brain. 3. Cam. 4 / JANET & LUCY 2 SHOT JANET & LUCY Which, if used 4. Cam. 1 / LUCY CU LUCY Correctly! 5. Cam. 4 / 2 SHOT JANET & LUCY Frig about sensuously (bar 106) 6. Cam. 1 / JANET & LUCY 2 SHOT JANET & LUCY Can definitely increase the dimensions ...
200 SCENE 86 (Cont) 7. Cam. 2 / MS CHORUS (Optically distorted) 8. Cam. 4 / JANET & LUCY 2 SHOT JANET & LUCY And the firepower of your dick. 9. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE To the point where, in some instances it should be classified as a lethal weapon.
201 SCENE 87 Camera 1, in Area C Camera 2; in Area E Camera 3; in Area B Camera 4; in Area D Orchestra throughout. The Chorus & Orchestra are playing an elaborate verbal game. 1. Cam. 4 / CHORUS WA CHORUS Your dick! 2. Cam. 2 / BRASS WA BRASS Yer dick! 3. Cam. 4 / CHORUS WA CHORUS Your Dork. 4. Cam. 2 / BRASS WA BRASS Your Dork. 5. Cam. 4 / CHORUS WA CHORUS Your Prick. 6. Cam. 2 / BRASS WA BRASS Yer Prick. 7. Cam. 4 / CHORUS WA CHORUS Your Pork. 8. Cam. 1 / LUCY CU LUCY Yer Pork? 9. Cam. 3 / JANET CU JANET Pork?
202 SCENE 87 (Cont) 10. Cam. 4 / LUCY CU LUCY Who calls it a pork? These men ... and the stuff they call a wee-wee 11. Cam. 1 / MARK & HOWARD 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD A wee-wee? 12. Cam. 2 / CU RUTH at Orchestral Drum set. 13. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE You mean a penis, don't you ... 14. Cam. 4 / LUCY CU LUCY A penis? 15. Cam. 1 / JANET CU JANET Penis is such an ugly word! 16. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE It's not that ugly, really. 17. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Sure, I use it all the time. 18. Cam. 1 / MARK CU MARK Sure ... we all say it every once in a while ... listen 19. Cam. 4 / MARK, HOWARD & RANCE WA MARK, HOWARD RANCE Penis!
203 SCENE 87 (Cont) 20. Cam. 3 / WA PERCUSSION 21. Cam. 4 / CHORUS WA CHORUS Eeuoo! 22. Cam. 2 / MIRROR, PIANO KEYBOARD 23. Cam. 4 / CHORUS WA CHORUS Penis! 24. Cam. 3 / CU TUBA 25. Cam. 4 / CHORUS WA CHORUS Eeuoo! 26. Cam. 1 / JANET CU JANET It sounds so revolting the way you guys say it ... eeuoo ... ka-ka! 27. Cam. 3 / LUCY CU LUCY Ka-Ka! 28. Cam. 4 / RANCE CU RANCE A Penis can be a very useful & exciting organ. HOWARD steps HOWARD into shot ... Very exciting (Once you get to know me) 29. Mix to Cam. 4 / WA CHORUS who are mumbling in agreement.
204 SCENE 87 (Cont) 30. Cam. 2 / TROMBONES 31. Cam. 4 / MARK, HOWARD & RANCE 3 SHOT MARK, HOWARD & Penis! RANCE MARK proudly removes his brassiere. 32. Cam. 3 / LUCY CU LUCY It sounds so overwhelmingly medicinal! 33. Mix Cam. 2 / MIRROR PIANO KEYBOARD 34. Cam. 3 / JANET CU JANET A "penis" sounds like something a doctor would have hanging off him. 35. Cam. 1 / LUCY CU LUCY None of the men I know and love in the rock 'n roll business got a "penis" ... They all got cocks, or dicks at least. 36. Cam. 3 / JANET 2 SHOT JANET & LUCY Sure ... you go to strap on a pop star and he wants to stuff a "penis" up you ... where is that at? 37. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Let's ask our studio audience
205 SCENE 87 (Cont) By now, the Dancers are sitting among the Orchestra as part of Mark's studio audience, equipped with confetti, balloons, paper hats etc. Wild reaction time. 38. Cam. 2 / CU ACCORDION 39. Cam. 3 / CU TRUMPETS 40. Cam. 2 / CU GUITARS 41. Cam. 4 / MARK (pointing at HOWARD) 3 SHOT MARK & HOWARD & the Will you trade what he has curtain in his pants for what I have behind this curtain? MEREDITH has appeared behind MARK holding up the big sock she was knitting in the Newt Ranch as if it were a curtain hiding the goodies. 42. Cam. 3 / JANET CU JANET What is it. PAN to LUCY LUCY You mean what's in his pants? PAN to JANET JANET I know what's in his pants ... he's a lonely guy Orchestra mumbling in background "Take the money" PAN to MARK MARK You have to choose before the big wheel stops whirling ... You ... (pointing at Accordion player)
206 SCENE 87 (Cont) 43. Cam. 2 / Go whirl the big wheel. CU ACCORDION PLAYER Who looks amazed. 44. Cam. 4 / LUCY CU LUCY Can I just fake the money. PAN to JANET JANET There isn't any money ... just the curtain and ... PAN to LUCY LUCY ... the lonely guy. Orchestra are mumbling "Take the curtain" MARK PAN to MARK Time is running out ... Think it over carefully! PAN to JANET JANET The curtain? PAN to LUCY LUCY I want the money. PAN to JANET JANET Wait. 45. Cam. 2 / CU PERCUSSION 46. Cam. 4 / JANET CU JANET What could it be in there?
207 SCENE 87 (Cont) 46. Continued PAN to LUCY LUCY In his pants? PAN to JANET JANET In the curtain? PAN to HOWARD HOWARD Doesn't any lady care what's in my pants. PAN to LUCY LUCY It's too little to have a car or a refrigerator. PAN to MARK MARK Don't be deceived by the size of the curtain! PAN to RANCE RANCE Let me make a suggestion ...
208 SCENE 88 Camera 4; in Area B Camera 3; has gone behind the Orchestra Camera 1 & 2; in Area C The Orchestra have now stopped playing and become part of the "Studio Audience". They are munching sandwiches and taking an active part in the proceedings. It's party time (balloons, paper-hats etc.) for the Chorus and Dancers. The big wheel is spinning. 1. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE Ordinarily we wouldn't alter any of the rules, but for you LUCKY young ladies our game tonight holds forth the promise of thrills and excitement beyond your very wildest imaginings! 2. Cam. 3 / MARK MS MARK That's right, ladies! While the big wheel still whirls, you will decide if you want to go all the way for the big super giant grand prize. 3. Cam. 4 / HOWARD (lewdly) CU HOWARD Ha ha ha ha hahh! 4. Cam. 1 / LUCY MS LUCY Sure! The GRAND PRIZE! JANET steps into frame. JANET Me too ... finally a chance to win something BIG! 5. Cam. 3 / RANCE CU RANCE Right you are! Do we have the blindfolds?
209 SCENE 88 (Cont) 6. Cam. 2 / MARK MS MARK Blindfolds! Here ... here ... just slip these right on ... elasticized ... there! 7. Cam. 1 / LUCY MS LUCY We gotta wear these? 8. Cam. 4 / RANCE 2 SHOT RANCE & LUCY It's part of the new rules we're making up for you. 9. Cam. 2 / JANET CU JANET (Putting on a Would you say this is a little blindfold) weird? 10. Cam. 4 / LUCY CU LUCY Everything else in this movie is so perverted a blindfold doesn't bother me at all ... mmmmm 11. Cam. 1 / RANCE 3 SHOT RANCE, JANET Are we ready? Test the & LUCY blindfolds. 12. Cam. 3 / MARK MS MARK (With his back to CAMERA pretends to expose himself) Can you see this? 13. Cam. 2 / JANET CU JANET We Willie Winkle.
210 SCENE 88 (Cont) 14. Cam. 1 / RANCE 3 SHOT RANCE, JANET Pull hers down in the corner & LUCY a little bit ... NOW! THE NEW RULES! Remember, you weren't sure if you wanted what was in HIS pants OR what was BEHIND the CURTAIN, therefore ... 15. Cam. 4 / JANET CU JANET Listen, there was never any question as far as I'm concerned ... LUCY steps into shot LUCY Me, too ... gimme the curtain! JANET Yeah ... the curtain ... only with the big surprise behind it. 16. Cam. 1 / MARK MS MARK Are you sure? Is that your final decision? 17. Cam. 2 / LUCY 2 SHOT JANET & LUCY Gimme the Big Grand Surprise JANET Gimme the curtain 18. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK Ladies and Gentlemen ... it's curtains for Janet and Lucy. (OBNOXIOUS CANNED LAUGHTER) MARK reaches for the curtain and is just about to pull it away when ...
211 SCENE 89 Video-disc freeze-frame of Shot 18 of Scene 88. (to be edited in later) This dissolves into Scene 90.
212 SCENE 90 Camera 2, 3 and 4 in X BIF DEBRIS (DON PRESTON) is packing up his latex solar beef light show and attempting to repair the damaged expresso machine. Lonely JEFF SIMMONS paces the floor looking for a cigarette butt big enough to light. 1. Cam. 3 / BIF CU BIF Wow ... what a night. 2. Cam. 4 / JEFF Didn't you used to be in the Mothers? 3. Cam. 2 / BIF 2 SHOT BIF and JEFF Yeah. 4. Cam. 4 / JEFF MS JEFF This what you do now? Work a light show in an imaginary town? 5. Cam. 2 / BIF 2 SHOT BIF and JEFF Yeah. I got my own group too ... but I don't mind being in the movie. I get to transform a few times (TRANSFORM) ... and drink vile foamy liquids. 6. Cam. 3 / CU BIF as he drinks liquid and transforms more violently. 7. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF But what kind of life is that? You're a sensitive, dedicated avant-garde musician ... you write your own material ... you can play a synthesizer ... 8. Cam. 3 / BIF CU BIF It's not that bad, really ... I like to be a monster every once in a while (TRANSFORM).
213 SCENE 90 (Cont) 9. Cam. 4 / JEFF MS JEFF You're heavy and far out and groovy ... you been around ... you know the ropes ... London ... Paris... Berlin ... now appearing nightly in Centerville with your face all twisted working a fake light show ... nobody will ever take you seriously because of this! 10. Cam. 2 / BIF 2 SHOT BIF and JEFF Because I transform? (TRANS- FORM) I like to be a monster. There is a little monster in each of us. 11. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF You'll probably stay here for the rest of your life with your fake potions and your monster face... you coulda been something in Rock and Roll. 12. Cam. 2 / BIF CU BIF I had a lot of trouble getting a hit single ... drove me to drink... 13. Cam. 3 / CU BIF as he drinks potion and transforms 14. Cam. 4 / JEFF MS JEFF Go on ... laugh about it! You coulda been a star! You could spread your aura across vast continental areas ... your name on millions of small hot lips whispering under secure pink blankets in the lonely midnight dark ... but what do you do? ZOOM IN slowly. You join the Mothers ... and you end up working for Zappa ... and he makes you be a creep. He makes you play comedy music. He pays you to make you face get bent. You coulda played the blues with John Mayall or far out exciting jazz with Blood sweat and Tears!
214 SCENE 90 (Cont) 15. Cam. 3 / BIF CU BIF You think so? 16. Cam. 2 / JEFF 2 SHOT JEFF and BIFF So what do you do? You join the Mothers and work for that creep and play comedy music and no- body will ever take you seriously. How can they take you seriously in this business? You either gotta play the blues or sing with a high voice. 17. Cam. 3 / BIF CU BIF You're right. I never should have joined the Mothers. I could be a star now. All those millions of hot pink ... LITTLE — TRANS FOR[M] 18. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Listen ... you know where I can get some dope in this imaginary town? 19. Cam. 3 / BIF CU BIF What kind? 20. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Anything that'll get me out of it ... I don't even care. 21. Cam. 3 / BIF CU BIF AT ALL There's no
regulardope in this town ... just these vile foamy liquids. 22. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF They're fake ... aren't they?
215 SCENE 90 (Cont) 23. Cam. 2 / BIF 2 SHOT BIFF and JEFF No, they're real ... I mix them at home and bring them here in the morning ... secret spiritual formulas ... 24. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF What's a secret spiritual formula? 25. Cam. 2 / BIF 2 SHOT BIF and JEFF The stuff that goes in the elixir or potion or whatever I mix is ir- relevant to the result. 26. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF You mean they're fake potions, right? 27. Cam. 3 / BIF MS BIF It doesn't matter what's in the mix because the liquid ... the concept of the liquid is enough to trigger a special cosmically aware state, because I'm so spiritually evolved. 28. Cam. 4 / JEFF 2 SHOT BIF and JEFF Look, I just want to get out of it and go back to my fake motel room and play the blues on my accoustical guitar, sitting on a little suitcase, funky and dejected like an old John Lee Hooker album cover ... fuck the spiritual evolvement ... what happens if a new and exciting Seattle blues talent such as myself drinks your stuff? 29. Cam. 3 / BIF MS BIF Here. Take it back to your fake room and drink it.
216 SCENE 90 (Cont) 30. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF I'd feel a lot better about it if He finds a large bent there was something I could cigarette butt on the smoke ... floor. 31. Cam. 3 / BIF MS BIF Dip that in it. Let it dry out, then smoke it ... that should get you a little bit high ... He looks around does a quick sinister trans- formation. ... or something. 32. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF I can't take you seriously. 33. Cam. 3 / BIF CU BIF That's all I have ... you might as well try it. 34. Cam. 2 / JEFF WA JEFF leaving Okay ... I know it's only fake stuff, but I'm getting paid to be in this movie and do all this shit, so ... listen ... we should get together and have a jam some- times ... blues ... work out some extended blues licks ... extensions ... white people can play the blues y'know ... He exits. 35. Cam. 3 / CU BIF BIF drinks a little more Elixir, transforms, swirls his cape, dashes over to the piano on the little bandstand and plays a crazed cadenza. In the middle of the cadenza. A phone rings. He reaches behind the piano and picks up the receiver.
217 SCENE 90 (Cont) 36. Cam. 4 / BIF CU BIF Still transformed. Hallo? Frank? Yeah ... I gave it to him ... yeah ... he went back to the special room ... His face relaxes slowly. mmm-mm ... no, he's gonna smoke it ... right. Yeah, listen ... Face completely relaxed, he leans back in his chair. you got any idea when we get paid for this?
218 SCENE 91 Camera 3 and 4 looking into S. Camera 2 in B in front of Mark who is in front of Meredith, holding the sock/curtain. TK of Garrick Theatre footage (mute). TK SEQUENCE 6. Jeff is sitting on a small wretched suitcase with his guitar. 1. Cam. 4 / JEFF (singing to himself) CU JEFF How long? How long it gone take Fo dat mystery roach to dry How long, Yeah-oooh How long fo dat roach get dry 'An I can get down to it Play my blues all over Some heavy midnite jam session In Van Cooo-yea-oooh In Van Cooo-yea-oooh Yes, yes, people ... Vancouver, British Columbia, lawd! He picks the butt off the floor and scrutinizes it. He holds it up to the light ... He sings to it. Mystery roach, ah lawny-lawd Unfold yo mysterious karma fo me! Still fondling the mystery roach, he speaks. This fuckin' thing is still damp... I gotta find some way to dry it out quick ... I gotta write some of my new songs so I can quit the group and get a contract on Atco... like the Cream. He puts his guitar aside and, still examining the mystery roach, approaches Maybe if I turn on the TV and put the TV set. the mystery roach near one of the little vents where the hot vapors come out, it'll dry faster! 2. Cam. 3 / WA JEFF - TV set with an elaborate gesture, he flips on the set. While we ZOOM IN to JEFF'S amazed reactions we hear - as if coming out of TV screen ... MARK (distorted) (The light of the TV screen You have made your decision, is flickering on JEFF's face) you have decided to go all the way for the big super giant grand prize, and you have chosen the mystery thrill which lurks behind the magic curtain ...
219 SCENE 91 (Cont) 2. JEFF (to TV screen) At the editing stage, we This is sickening. can insert here a portion of the freeze frame. MARK (distorted) Are you ready for exotic gratifi- cation beyond your wildest, most depraved, legs-up-in-the-bath- tub-with-the-water-just-dribbling- out-a-little-bit-FANTASIES. LUCY (distorted) I am ready ... I am definitely ready! JANET (distorted) What's the deal? Open the curtain ! MARK (distorted) Well, then, here it is! 3. Cam. 2 / CU MARK Your thrill of thrills! MARK's hand zips back the curtain to reveal BILL GRAHAM in some horrible old rumpled clothes, squinting and unshaven, clutching the mysterious Aladdin style lamp. (At the editing stage, we freeze the opening frame of this shot, so that MARK appears to suddenly de- freeze) 4. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF What is this shit? Bill Graham and his Polish Mystery Apparatus? 5. Cam. 3 / WA JEFF changes the channel.
220 SCENE 91 (Cont) 6. TK SEQUENCE 6 The old MOTHERS OF INVENTION stock footage (silent) which appears in laid on the TV screen. The action includes Garrick Theatre footage of RAY COLLINS fucking a stuffed giraffe and drinking out of a toilet plunger. At end of film, Pre-recorded (sound only) prelude music to "I'm Stealing The Room" starts. 7. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF. He watches it for a few moments then And what is this shit? Some old grumbles. MOTHERS OF INVENTION movies? No wonder this group never made it ... Ray Collins is a great singer but Zappa always made him do perverted stuff. He coulda been something in Rock and Roll ... if he woulda played the blues and got a contract on Atco ... and never joined the Mothers ... He turns and faces the camera. Do you people have any idea what it's like to play bass in THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION? Back up crap to a bunch of comedy music? It gets you so tense ... really ... the tension in this group. (Just refer to the interview I did in the Melody Maker last year ...) After a while on the road with this group you start to go crude ... you want to break things ... smash things ... or steal towels and ash trays out of the motel room ... anything to relieve the tension. I know Ian feels the same way, even though he doesn't talk about it. He's been doing this comedy shit for so many years now. It's a good thing he's got a wife with big tits so he doesn't have to steal any ash trays.
221 SCENE 91 (Cont) 8. Cam. 3 / WA JEFF. He picks up the mystery roach and gives it a final thorough examination. 9. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF This thing is ready now ... just light it up and ... ssst ... mmmmff ... cough, cough ... mmmf ... this is great ... set ... sssssst ... mmmmff ... getting a groovy buzz and a bunch of flashes ... ssst ... hak, hak ... I ripped off some glass dealies from under the wheels of the bed once, I was so tense ... sssst ... sst ... MAN, this stuff is ...
222 SCENE 92 "I'm Stealing The Room" Orchestra; Group; Chorus. Back in the Motel Room (S) Jeff is going through his drugged contortions. The lighting and thunder continues. PROPS: Grubby motel towels; black burglar satchel; oversized rubber gloves. The Chorus are in front of the Orchestra. Cameras 2, 3, 4; looking into Area S and following Jeff's music contortions. Intercutting as directed between Cameras 3 and 4. 1. / As the effects of the mystery elixir take hold, JEFF's eyes bulge. 2. / ZOOM BACK JEFF is reeling. He twitches. His head jerks back. 3. / JEFF twitches all over. ZOOM BACK. 4. / JEFF is reeling in the opposite direction. He twitches. He freezes. 5. / His right arm rises slowly (the fingers grope toward some undisclosed object: the stack of motel towels). His left hand grabs it and struggles to keep it down.
223 SCENE 92 (Cont) 6. / JEFF dances with himself, holding his right arm, ZOOM IN to JEFF'S EYES. 7. / GONG CRASH CHORUS JEFF'S EYES widen. He freezes momentarily. 200 Motels. 8. / JEFF twitches violently. 9. / CHORUS His face contorts. 200 Motels Tan-Toon Ran-Tan Na-Na- Hanninnn. 10. / Crazed he looks around for the voices of the CHORUS. 11. / CHORUS JEFF looks manic. 200 Motels. 12. / JEFF (To CAMERA) I'm stealing the towels ... 13. / He dashes out of frame. 14. / CRAZED OPTICAL EFFECTS. THE CAMERA LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM FOR JEFF. 15. / He suddenly twirls in from behind the camera with an arm load of grubby motel towels.
224 SCENE 92 (Cont) 16. / He displays bunches of them to camera, suddenly flinging them all around the room. 17. / With a crazed gleam in his eye, he ducks under the camera's view. 18. / He rises again with a black burglar satchel and some oversize rubber gloves. (The dummy's monster hands) 19. / JEFF (to Camera) Putting on the gloves. I'm stealing the ashtray ...
225 SCENE 93 1 min. Camera 2 in Area Y Pre-record Close-up of Frank's eyeball. Zoom out to show Frank blowing smoke-rings. Parts of the later to freeze-frame by video disc.
226 SCENE 94 Pre-record (Sound Only) JEFF What if he's watching me ... stealing ashtrays ... what if he's watching me stealing the ashtrays and then he steals the idea of me stealing the ashtrays and writes a song about it and I have to act it out later ... he always watches me and listens to me. ...... I'm Stealing The Room (Cont) Cameras 2, 3, &4; looking into S, following Jeff Camera 2 shows 2 shot of Jeff and the watching eye! Sync. playback of Scene 92, inlaid on 2's shot. Smoke machine Orchestra play in background JEFF sneaks around the room, elaborately preparing to rip off ashtray number 1. He mumbles to himself ad lib. JEFF (VOICE OVER) (The voice of his thoughts filtered) What if he's watching me ... stealing ashtrays ... what if he's watching me stealing the ashtrays and then he steals the idea of me stealing the ashtrays and writes a song about it and I have to act it out later ... he always watches me and listens to me ...
227 SCENE 95 This Scene is an interchange between the deranged JEFF and his 2 voices of conscience. The first voice (on slight distort) belongs to Peter Townshend and appears to be coming out of a TV screen. The second (also on slight distort) belongs to Keith Moon and appears to be coming out of the wall. The Orchestra plays throughout. Orchestral P.A. to Motel Room (S) The Chorus sing - sometimes (as indicated) on camera. Camera 1; in Area Y showing VBCU of Chorus. Camera 2; CU Pete and/or CU Keith Camera 3; in Area S, showing over shoulder shots of Jeff and inlay. Camera 4; in Area S, showing CU's Jeff 1. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF He swiftly snatches Ha-Nin-Noo-Noon Tan-Toon-Ran the first ashtray and dumps it into the burglar bag, giving the camera a quick look in the bag and snapping it shut. PETE (VOICE OFF) No, Jeff! JEFF Tan-Toon-Ran-Toon-Han-Toon- Ranin Tan-Toon-Ran-Toon-Han-Toon- Ranin PETE (from TV, VOICE OFF) (The MUSIC stops) No No No! JEFF (to CAMERA) He looks around the Man! This stuff is great! room. It's just as if Donovan himself had appeared on my very own wall mounted TV ... with words of Peace, Love and Eternal Cosmic Wisdom!
228 SCENE 95 (Cont) 1. Continued (MUSIC Starts) He starts to grab Rani-Toon Toon Tan Toon Toon... ashtray No. 2. Leading me ... guiding me on He turns to paths of everlasting pseudo- CAMERA karmic negligence in the very midst of my drug induced ... 2. Mix Cam. 3 / JEFF 2 SHOT over JEFF's shoulder. We see ... nocturnal emission. inlay of Cam. 2. (CU Pete) on TV screen. PETE For I am your good conscience, Jeff ... I know all ... I see all ... I am the Cosmic Love- Pulse Matrix, becoming a Technicolor interpositive. 3. Cam. 4 / JEFF Hey? (MUSIC) Where'd you buy that incense? (MUSIC) JEFF tries to sniff the TV screen. It's hip. 4. Mix Cam. 3 / PETE It's the same mysterious and PETE is making exotic oriental fragrance as what mysterious holy the Beatles get off on. gestures. 5. Cam. 4 / JEFF I thought I recognized it. Mmmm... JEFF caresses the TV and sniffs it. 6. Mix Cam. 3. / PETE Jeff, I know what's best for you ...
229 SCENE 95 (Cont) 6. Continued JEFF Right. (MUSIC) You're heavy. ZOOM into JEFF. The inlay wall flashes with colors as KEITH MOON is about to appear. It distracts JEFF from the voice on the screen. 7. Mix Cam. 2 / PETE PETE in a cloud of smoke. Jeff, I am your guiding light ... listen to me ... don't rip off the towels, Jeff! 8. Cam. 4 / WA JEFF A ball of fire and an obviously cheap smoke puff fill the inlay wall area. JEFF jumps back. 9. Cam. 2 / KEITH (to Pete) CU KEITH Piss off, you little nitwit! 10. Cam. 4 / JEFF (to camera) CU JEFF Hay ... MAN! It's the REAL DEVIL ... he's got an English accent ... PETE (voice off, to Jeff) Don't listen to him, Jeff! He's no good ... he'll make you do bad things! 11. Cam. 3 / WA JEFF. Over his shoulder we see inlay of KEITH. He looks as ominous as possible, with a steaming brief- case in foreground.
230 SCENE 95 (Cont) 11. Continued ZOOM IN slowly. JEFF (to Pete) You mean ... he will make me sin? PETE (voice off) Yes, Jeff ... sin. 12. Cam. 4 / JEFF (amazed) CU JEFF. Wow! 13. Mix Cam. 3. / KEITH (leaning forward) CLOSE 2 SHOT, KEITH and JEFF Jeff, I'd like to have a word with you ... about your soul... 14. Cam. 4 / PETE (voice off) CU JEFF No! Don't listen, Jeff! 15. Cam. 2 / KEITH (confidentially) CU KEITH Why are you wasting your life... night after night ... playing this comedy music ... 16. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF You're right ... I'm too heavy to be in this group ... KEITH (voice off, disgustedly) Comedy music ... 17. Cam. 3 / PETE (alarmed) 2 SHOT PETE and JEFF inlay (Cam 2) Jeff! Your soul! 18. Mix Cam. 1 / CHORUS CU CHORUS Ooo Ahhh etc. You're wasting your life You're much too heavy, Jeff To be ...
231 SCENE 95 (Cont) 19. Mix Cam. 4 / JEFF (to Pete) CU JEFF ... in this group all I ever get to do is play Zappa's comedy music ... He eats. 20. Cam. 2 / PETE (shocked) CU PETE Jeff! 21. Cam. 3 / JEFF (to Keith) 2 SHOT JEFF and KEITH inlay (Cam 1). I get so tense ... KEITH (understandingly) Of course you do, my boy ... JEFF The stuff he makes me do is always off the wall! 22. Mix Cam. 4 / KEITH/CHORUS CU KEITH That's why it would be best to leave his stern employ ... JEFF And quit the group ... 23. Mix Cam. 2 / KEITH/CHORUS CU KEITH You'll make it big! 24. Cam. 4 / JEFF That's right! 25. Cam. 2 / KEITH/CHORUS Of course ... 26. Mix Cam. 3 / JEFF 2 SHOT WA JEFF and KEITH inlay (Cam 2) And then I won't be small!
232 SCENE 95 (Cont) 27. Super Cam. 1 / CHORUS WA CHORUS Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ... Ha Ha Ha ... He He He He He Ho Ho Ho Ho ... 28. Mix Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Heh heh heh.
233 SCENE 96 I'M STEALING THE ROOM (Contd) Camera 2, 3 and 4 in Area S. Camera 1 in Area Y. Orchestra plays throughout. Cameras 3 and 4 follow Jeff's feet continuing crazed contortions. Intercutting as directed. 1. Cam. 3 & 4 etc ... / JEFF pirouettes. 2. He dances around the room examining the strewn towels and chooses one. 3. He drapes it over his arm like a waiter while he removes the elixir flask from his pocket. 4. He sparkles the elixir on the towel and tries to light it (with a cricket) as if it were a new form of mystery roach. 5. Cam. 2 / JEFF (to camera, like a TV CU JEFF. He takes pitchman) a hit on the vapors of the towels. ... mmmf ... ssst ... cough, cough, ... mmf ... Ahmed, Ertigan used this towel as a bath mat six weeks ago at a rancid Motel in Orlando, Florida, with the highest mildew rating of any commercial lodging facility with- in the territorial limits of the United States, naturally excluding tropical possessions ssst ... ssst ... mmjgspffftgmmp ... it's still damp ... what an aroma! MAN! This is the best I ever got off ... what can I say about this elixir? Try it on steaks ... cleans nylon ... small craft warnings ... It's great for the home ... The Office ... On fruits ...
234 SCENE 96 (Cont) 6. Cam. 3 / KEITH (Watching Jeff amusedly) 2 SHOT JEFF's SILHOUETTE and inlay This is the REAL YOU, Jeff ... of KEITH (from Cam. 1) Rip off a few more ash trays, get rid of some of that inner tension ... sort of get it together ... a person should quite get it, don't you think? Quit the comedy group ... 7. Cam. 4 / ... sort of get your own group WA JEFF in foreground. together ... heavy ... like MARK and HOWARD are GRAND FUNK RAILROAD ... seen entering in back- or BLACK SABBATH! ground. 8. Cam. 3 / PETE 2 SHOT JEFF & PETE'S inlay (Cam. No, Jeff! 1) 9. Cam. 4 / JEFF (to the smoldering towel) CU JEFF ... ssst ... or COVEN! 10. Cam. 1 / PETE CU PETE Peace! Love! PAN to KEITH. KEITH Bollocks! 11. Cam. 4 / JEFF (like an Announcer again) CU JEFF What can I say about this elixir? 12. Cam. 2 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Jeff has gone out there on that stuff! 13. Cam. 3 / 2 SHOT HEFF & PETE's inlay (Cam. 1)
235 SCENE 96 (Cont) 13 Continued JEFF (babbling Ad lib) PETE Try it on your He should never have steaks; silver- used the elixir ... ware .. and only stuck to the incense ... oh, Atlantis! The inlay screen is flickering out. 14. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK That was Pete Townshend dressed up like Donovan fading out on the wall mounted TV screen ... Jeff is flipping out ... road fatigue ... we gotta get him back to normal before Zappa finds out ... and steals it and makes him do it in the movie! 15. Cam. 4 / JEFF (babbling) CU JEFF ... delicate personal membranes, no shit, Howie, we just like musicians for friends ... 16. Cam. 2 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Oh, MAN! What is his STORY? 17. Cam. 3 / KEITH 2 SHOT JEFF & KEITH's inlay (Cam. You have a brilliant career ahead 1) of you my boy ... just get out of this group ... 16. Cam. 2 / HOWARD CU HOWARD What? 19. Cam. 4 / JEFF (babbling) CU JEFF ... latex Fauntleroy masseuse ... 20. Cam. 3 / MARK 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD Howard! That was Keith Moon dressed up like Ginger Baker emerging larger than life itself
236 SCENE 96 (Cont) 20. Continued MARK (Cont) from the wall of the fake room giving career guidance to the bass player of a rock-oriented comedy group! Jeff's imagination has gone beyond the fringe of audience comprehension! We must communicate- nicate with him or he'll lose contact with Iggy in the crowd! 21. Cam. 2 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Jeff! It's me, Howard! 22. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF What can I say about this elixir? Yaghhh ... (The Walter Brennan noise). 23. Cam. 2 / MARK CU MARK Jeff! It's me, Mark! 24. Cam. 4 / MARK (to camera) CU MARK What can a person like myself say about this elixir? 25. Intercutting as directed. The three of them launch into a rapid fire improvisation on the many uses of the elixir. 26. Cam. 4 / JEFF (trying to return to normal) WA JEFF ... What ... Yaghhh ... What can I ... Yaghhh ... (whisper) What ... What can I say about this ... He goes into a horribly frenzied Walter Brennan seizure. Suddenly the music stops. Mysteriously JEFF has regained his com- posure.
237 SCENE 97 I'M STEALING THE ROOM (Cont) Camera 2, 3, and 4 looking in Area S. Orchestra plays throughout. Mark, Howard and Jeff have all put on plastic noses, moustaches, goatees to look like Zappa. 1. Cam. 2 / 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD 2. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Hi! 3. Cam. 2 / MARK & HOWARD 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD Dwee Do Dee-oo-Poo Framminnn! Han-ninatt! 4. Cam. 3 / JEFF 3 SHOT JEFF, MARK & HOWARD Does this kind of life look interesting to you? Night after night, dinners with Herb Cohen, thrill-packed fun-filled evenings on the French Riviera at the MIDEM Convention, a fake tie, the whole bit ... watch Mutt eat and Leon feed the geese ... one thousand green business cards with your name and the wrong address plus six royalty statements Slowly ZOOMING inspected and customized by INTO CU JEFF. Ran Toon Tan, Han Toon, Framing and DEE, followed by 12 potential suicides as the members of your group, past and present find out they can't collect unemployment ... a dog, a car, an epidemic of body lice with your own record company, your Orchestral vamp name on the door, electric continues under. buzzer to the inner office and Ona's tits and three month supply of German bookings with tickets on Air Rangoon? Does this kind of life look interesting to you ... as a fake rock and roll guitar player in a comedy group?
238 SCENE 98 I'm Stealing the Room (conclusion) Camera 1; in Area E ) ) Camera 2; in Area B ) All looking at orchestra. ) Camera 3; in Area A ) Camera 4; in Area S following Jeff. Jeff is dressed with his false nose, moustache, goatee, etc. The chorus are now in Area C. Mirror needed for piano. 1. Cam. 1 / CU GONG. 2. Cam. 2 / CHORUS WA CHORUS. Two hundred motels! 3. Cam. 3 / CU RUTH. 4. Cam. 1 / CU XYLOPHONE & BONGOES. 5. Cam. 2 / CU CHIMES. 6. Cam. 3 / CHORUS MS HORNS. Two hundred motels! 7. Cam. 1 / Mirror Shot of piano keyboard 8. Cam. 2 / CU Marimba. 9. Cam. 3 / CU PERCUSSION drums. Tan-Toon Ran-Tan 10. Cam. 2 / Ran-Tan CU RUTH (orchestra drum set)
239 SCENE 98 (Cont) 11. Cam. 3 / Na-Na-Hamninn WA SOPRANOS & ALTOS IN CHORUS. 12. Cam. 1 / High Angle (mirror) shot of pianos. 13. Cam. 2 / Two Hundred Motels Full Shot of CHORUS. 14. Cam. 1 / Mirror Shot of piano keyboard. 15. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF (as Zappa) I'm stealing the room 16. Cam. 1 / High WA ORCHESTRA 17. Cam. 4 / I'm stealing the room CU JEFF 18. Cam. 3 / WA WOODWINDS. 19. Cam. 2 / WA CHORUS (vibrating throats with fingers) 20. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF Yaghhhhhhhhhh ... I'm stealing the ... (bar 175) I'm stealing the room 21. Cam. 3 / CU PERCUSSION DRUMS.
240 SCENE 98 (Cont) 22. Cam. 2 / CU PERCUSSION BONGOES. 23. Cam. 1 / CU TRUMPETS 24. Cam. 4 / JEFF CU JEFF I'm stealing the room. 25. Cam. 2 / SOPRANOS (Bar 178) CU SOPRANO I'm stealing the room. 26. Cam. 3 / CU TROMBONES 27. Cam. 2 / I'm stealing the ... CU SOPRANOS 28 Cam. 1 / CU MARIMBA 29. Cam. 2 / I'm stealing the room 30. Cam. 3 / TENORS CU TENORS Steel 31. Cam. 1 / SOPRANOS CU TRUMPETS Stealing I'm stealing the I'm stealing the 32. Cam. 2 / ALTOS LOW ANGLE of ALTOS stomping feet. PANS UP Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah legs to faces as they sing Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah sextolet figures. I 33. Cam. 1 / Mirror shot of piano keyboard.
241 SCENE 98 (Cont) 34. Cam. 3 / HORNS (declaiming) CU HORNS. I 35. Cam. 2 / VIOLINS (declaiming) MED SHOT VIOLINS I 36. Cam. 3 / FLUTES (declaiming) CU FLUTES Am. 37. Cam. 4 / MS JEFF in his room, struggling to pull off plastic ZAPPA nose. 38. Cam. 2 / CELLOS (whisper) MED SHOT CELLOS I am 39. Cam. 3 / BASSOONS (declaiming) CU BASSONS I am 40. Cam. 1 / CHORUS (sung) CHORUS Steel 41. Cam. 3 / TROMBONES (whisper) CU CU TROMBONES I 42. Cam. 2 / STRING BASSES (whisper) CU STRING BASSES Am 43. Cam. 1 / ORCHESTRA (whisper) WA ORCHESTRA Steel 44 Cam. 4 / CHORUS (sung) MS JEFF convulsing & Steel pulling off moustache and goatee with color (whisper) fx. I am steel
242 SCENE 98 (Cont) 44. Continued CHORUS (Cont) (sung) Steel Hummmmmm 45. Mix Cam. 1 / WA ORCHESTRA. ORCHESTRA continues playing to end of "I'm stealing the room".
243 SCENE 99 Sync-sound playback of last part of Scene 98. Camera 1, 3 and 4 are in Area C pointing towards a large 2001 slab against the cyc. As shot 45 (Scene 98) Mix to: 1. Cam. 4 / LOW WA of SLAB 2. Cam. 1 / Very High WA of slab showing trade mark insignia at top which reads: MARSHALL CAMERA PANS DOWN the face of the slab to the lower right hand corner to disclose the switch panel: power on-off, audio pressure, penetration, seismograph, auto- destruct and input. The music finishes. All is silent. 3. Cam. 3 / CU HAND. A hand reaches over and plugs in a guitar lead, then reaches for the various knobs. As the knobs are adjusted, the orchestra can be heard as they quietly begin to tune up for the finale. The hand reaches for the power switch and is just about to flip it when ...
244 SCENE 100 STRICTLY GENTEEL The Concentration Camp fun party romantic ending. Camera 1; in Area C ) ) Camera 2; in Area E ) All pointing towards A ) Camera 4; in Area B ) Camera 3; in Areas D & G (starts in D) Orchestra, Chorus, Narrator, Dwarf. Mothers. Dancers. The Group is on F with Jimmy Carl Black, Don Preston & Motorhead. Set in Narrator Desk. The Chorus are standing under the Conductor's left. Strike fences between Chorus & Orchestra, and gates. The Orchestra is tuning up quietly. All members of the cast are drifting around in the camp. RANCE takes a sip from the water glass on his desk and addresses himself to the camera: 1. Cam. 1 / RANCE WA RANCE This, as you may have guessed is the end of the movie. The entire cast is gathering here in CRANE down & the Centerville Recreational ZOOM IN Facility to bid farewell to you and express their appreciation for your attendance in this theatre. 2. Cam. 4 / WA RANCE He stands, turns, walks to a nearby stool with a spot light shining down ... other lights dim slightly. It might seem old fashioned to some of you, but I would like to join in on this song ... be- cause it's one of those senti- mental songs like you get at the end of a show. The kind of a song that the people in this movie might sing ... to let all
245 SCENE 100 (Cont) 2. Continued of you in the audience know that we really like you, we care about you ... and we understand how hard it is to laugh these days with all the terrible problems in the world ... THE SONG BEGINS: ORCHESTRA 3. Cam. 1 / RANCE HIGH MS RANCE Lord have mercy on the people in England For the terrible food those people must eat. 4. Cam. 4 / VBCU RANCE He burps! 5. Cam. 2 / RANCE HIGH MS RANCE Lord have mercy on the fate of this movie And God help the mind of the man in the street. RANCE gestures to the CAMERA, indicating that it should now point at the CHORUS. He conducts them. 6. Cam. 1 / CHORUS WA RANCE & CHORUS Help all the red necks and the flat foot policemen. 7. Cam. 4 / CU CHORUS With the terrible function they all must perform. 8. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO SU COPRANO SOLOIST And God help the winos & junkies and weirdos. 9. Cam. 4 / CU SOPRANO She sings a cadenza
246 SCENE 100 (Cont) 10. Cam. 3 / CU RUTH (Orchestra drums) 11. Cam. 2 / CU TUBA 12. Cam. 3 / CU TROMBONES 13. Cam. 4 / Finger snap! CU CHORUS 14. Cam. 1 / SOPRANO CU COPRANO SOLOIST And every poor soul who's adrift in the storm 15. Cam. 2 / CU WIND MACHINE 16. Cam. 4 / CU VIOLINS 17. Cam. 3 / CU PIANO KEYBOARD 18. Cam. 1 / CHORUS CU CHORUS Help everybody so they all get some action CRANE UP & TRACK Some love on the weekend BACK Some real satisfaction 19. Cam. 2 / CU CYMBAL 20. Cam. 3 / MOTORHEAD CU MOTORHEAD A room and a meal and a gar- bage disposal A lawn and a hose'll be strictly genteel. (CAMERA 3 now goes to G) 21. Cam. 4 / WA NEWT RANCH The VACUUM CLEANER comes out of the Newt Ranch, waters the lawn, and snorks some whipped cream.
247 SCENE 100 (Cont) 22. Cam. 3 / GROUP CU RUTH Orchestra Drum Set. 23. Cam. 3 / GROUP WA GROUP Concentration Camp Reach out your hand to the in background. girl in the dog book ZOOM INTO MARK & HOWARD The girl in the pig book & the one with the horse. . 24. Cam. 2 / CU HORNS 25. Cam. 3 / GROUP WA GROUP Make sure they keep all those business men happy And the purple-lip censors 26. Cam. 2 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK And the Germans of course. 27. Cam. 4 / CU CONDUCTOR (The trumpets stand) 28. Cam. 1 / GROUP. ORCHESTRA & CHORUS CU CHORUS TRACK BACK & Help everybody so they all ZOOM OUT to get some action HIGH WA some love on the 29. Cam. 2 / CU TIMPS Weekend 30. Cam. 1 / HIGH WA Some real satisfaction 31. Mix Cam. 4 / CU PIANO KEYBOARD 32. Mix Cam. 3 / GROUP CU FRANK (singing) A Swedish apparatus with a hood and a bludgeon With a microwave oven, honey, how does it feel?
248 SCENE 100 (Cont) 33. Cam. 1 / CHORUS CU CHORUS Yeah! 34. Cam. 2 / CU BASS SAX. 35. Cam. 1 / Ah! CU CHORUS 36. Cam. 4 / CU HORNS 37. Cam. 2 / CU GUITAR 38. Cam. 1 / ) CU TIMPS ) ) Cam. 2 / ) CU BASS DRUM ) Intercut as directed ) Cam. 4 / ) CU RUTH ) 39. Mix Cam. 3 / WA GROUP 40. Mix Cam. 4 / Cu PIANO KEYBOARD 41. Cam. 1 / CHORUS WA CHORUS Ah! 42. Cam. 2 / WA FLUTE & PICCOLO 43. Cam. 1 / CU PERCUSSION 44. Cam. 4 / WA CHORUS Ah! 45. Cam. 2 / Cu VIOLINS 46. Cam. 1 / CU PIANOS
249 SCENE 100 (Cont) Mix 47. Cam. 3 / GROUP WA GROUP Lord have mercy on the hippies and the faggots And the dykes & the weird little children they grow 48. Cam. 2 / CU GROUP PIANO 49. Cam. 3 / GROUP WA MARK & HOWARD Help the black man 50. Cam. 4 / CU TRUMPETS 51. Cam. 2 / CU GROUP PIANO 52. Cam. 3 / GROUP WA MARK & HOWARD Help the poor man 53. Cam. 1 / CU VIOLINS 54. Cam. 3 / GROUP WA MARK & HOWARD Help the milk man. 55. Cam. 2 / CU GROUP DRUMS 56. Cam. 3 / GROUP WA MARK & HOWARD Help the door man 57. Cam. 2 / CU GROUP DRUMS 58. Cam. 3 / GROUP WA MARK & HOWARD Help the lonely neglected old farts That I know 59. Cam. 2 / CU GROUP DRUMS - P A U S E -
250 SCENE 100 (Cont) 60. Cam. 1 / RANCE (Spoken) CU RANCE It's been swell having you with us tonight, folks. 61. Cam. 4 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK If your name wasn't on the list of blessings we been passing out, we don't want you to be pissed off 62. Cam. 1 / DON PRESTON Cu DON PRESTON We sort of ran out of time here, and we have to go ... our contract with United Artists limits the length of the film ... 63. Cam. 3 / MARK CU MARK And we still have a few things left to tell you, so, without any further hesitation, let me present my friend and musical associate Howard Kaylan ... PAN RIGHT to HOWARD ... who will deliver the closing benediction 64. Cam. 2 / CU GROUP DRUMS 65. Cam. 4 / CU BASS SAX 66. Cam. 1 / CU WIND MACHINE 67. Cam. 2 / CU POP GUN 68. Cam. 3 / HOWARD (singing) WA & ZOOM IN They gonna clear out the studio They gonna whip down all the ... They gonna tear down all the ... They gonna sweep out all the ... And they gonna pay off all the ... (CAMERA 4 now goes over to H)
251 SCENE 100 (Cont) MARK & HOWARD And then: HOWARD Everybody in the orchestra & chorus Every one of our lovely & talented dancers The light bulb men The camera men The make-up men 69. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK The fake-up men HOWARD steps into HOWARD shot And the rake-up men 70. Cam. 3 / CU JIMMY CARL BLACK JIMMY CARL BLACK Especially Herbie Cohen, Yea-oooh ... 71. Cam. 4 / MARK CU MARK They all gonna rise up! ZOOM OUT TO 2 SHOT HOWARD They gonna jump up I said jump up Jump right up on off the floor Jump right up & hit the door MARK They gonna jump up and run off 72. Cam. 3 / MARK, HOWARD & JIMMY CARL 3 SHOT BLACK MARK, HOWARD & JIMMY CARL BLACK They gonna ride on home They gonna ride on home They gonna ride on home 73. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD And once again take themselves seriously.
252 SCENE 100 (Cont) 74 Cam. 3 / MARK, HOWARD & 3 SHOT JIMMY CARL BLACK MARK & HOWARD & JIMMY CARL BLACK Yeah! 75. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD Seriously! 76. Cam. 3 / MARK, HOWARD 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD Yeah! 77 Cam. 2 / GEORGE CU GEORGE They all gonna go home. 78. Cam. 3 / MARK, HOWARD & 3 SHOT JIMMY CARL BLACK MARK, HOWARD & JIMMY CARL BLACK Through the driving' sleet and rain! 79. Cam. 2 / GEORGE CU GEORGE They all gonna go home. 80. Cam. 3 / MARK, HOWARD & 3 SHOT JIMMY CARL BLACK MARK, HOWARD & JIMMY CARL BLACK Through the fog Through the dust Through the tropical fever And the blistering frost. 81. Cam. 2 / GEORGE CU GEORGE They all gonna go home 82. Cam. 4 / HOWARD CU HOWARD And get out of it as they can be PAN LEFT MARK And the same goes for me
253 SCENE 100 (Cont) 83. Cam. 3 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK And the same goes for me 84. Cam. 2 / GEORGE CU GEORGE Mmmmmmmm 85. Cam. 4 / MARK, HOWARD & 3 SHOT JIMMY CARL BLACK MARK, HOWARD & JIMMY CARL BLACK Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! ZOOM into HOWARD HOWARD And each member of the band in his own secret way Gonna get out of it as he can be ZOOM OUT MARK, HOWARD & JIM BLACK We're all gone get wasted We're all gone get twisted 86. Cam. 3 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK We're gonna get bent 87. Cam. 4 / MARK 2 SHOT MARK & HOWARD We're gonna get reamed HOWARD I am definitely gonna get reamed cause I'm such a lonely guy MARK, HOWARD Bent, reamed and wasted! 88. Cam. 3 / JIMMY CARL BLACK CU JIMMY CARL BLACK A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey!
254 SCENE 101 The Orchestra Disaster Area Camera 1; in C Camera 2; in E Camera 3; behind the orchestra Camera 4; in D Orchestra; Chorus; Group (on F) ; Dancers; Rance etc. Frank now conducts the orchestra in a final disaster. Cameras 3 & 4 CU FRANK Cameras 1 & 2 As Directed At the end Cam. 1 / FRANK CU FRANK Goodnight, boys and girls. Thank you for coming to Our concert.
Special thanks to Charles Ulrich (scans) and Chayne Quinn (typing!).