A Token Of His Extreme

  1. 0:00:00 The Dog Breath Variations/Uncle Meat
  2. 0:04:04 Montana
  3. 0:10:00 Earl Of Duke (Duke)
  4. 0:15:48 Florentine Pogen
  5. 0:25:50 Stink-Foot
  6. 0:30:07 Pygmy Twylyte
  7. 0:35:56 Room Service
  8. 0:47:23 Inca Roads
  9. 0:57:13 Oh No/Son Of Orange County
  10. 1:04:18 More Trouble Every Day
  11. 1:11:37 Token Of My Extreme

1. 0:00:00 The Dog Breath Variations/Uncle Meat





2. 0:04:04 Montana

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss

Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
That I can sell uptown

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
To somebody else
(How 'bout you, right over there?)
And then I would

Keep the wax
'N melt it down
Pluck the Floss
'N swish it aroun'

And I would have me a crop
Poo-poo ta-na-nah
And poo-poo ta-na-nah

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
I'm movin' to Montana soon (well)
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(I wonder what that means)

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all

Oh, I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
His name is Mighty Little
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Well, any way

I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dental Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks

I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
An' ride him all along the border line

With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand

But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
'Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
(Yes it is!)
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss

Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
(Help me out, Ruth! Tweezer glint)

And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
'N give my foot a push
Just me 'n the pygmy pony
Over by the Dennil Floss Bush

'N then I might just
Jump back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
Movin' to Montana soon
Movin' to Montana soon
(Why don't you sharpen it then?)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yes indeed)
Movin' to Montana soon
We are movin' to Montana soon

3. 0:10:00 Earl Of Duke

FZ: Watch now . . .

FZ: That is the sound of a very short cymbal. It's a finger cymbal. It's something that's normally worn on the finger, and another one is worn on the thumb. The thumb and the finger are beaten together with these two little metal things to make it go ding, ding, ding. George Duke is now applying an ingenious technique, to the finger cymbal itself, as a prelude, a preamble to some sort of fantastic keyboard solo that he's going to invent for you right here on the spot. We don't know what he's going to do. We never know what George is going to do, and perhaps it's best for all of us. It'd better be best for all of us.
George: I'm getting to like that. That was called a push beat.
FZ: I thought it was a grace note.
Napoleon: I thought it was a booger bear.
FZ: Yes, you— you would think so.
George: But then, as he was thinkin' about whether it was a booger bear or not, somethin' happen'd.
FZ: Well . . .
George: Just like it did last show. And somethin' started a-rumblin' . . . And then all of a sudden . . . It got LOUDER! And it got LOUDER! And it got LOUDER until I couldn't stand it!

George: WOW! Goodness gracious! And then somethin' . . .
FZ: Oh, why don't you sharpen it then?
George: Something else happened. It was midnight. And Ruth wouldn't come through.
FZ: Midnight in the laboratory of a nationally known mad scientist.
George: I told her. I told her, I said, "It ain't gonna hurt you." But then . . .
FZ: But then. But then.

Can you feel it now

You know what I'm talking about, Napi.
I'm comin' down in a minute . . .
I'm comin' down there
(Come on, down, come on!)

FZ: Ruth has got the lick all right. Go on, Ruth.
Ruth: Give the gong player some!
FZ: Give the— Give the gong player some. Now we're gonna continue on, we're just gonna melt away into another tune. This is a love song of sorts, you know, it's a little bit tweaked, but . . . it's one of those ones you gotta stick in the show somewhere there. Ready?

4. 0:15:48 Florentine Pogen

One, two, three, four . . .

Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh

La-la la-la la-la la-la
Ba-la ba-la na-la

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Read 'em 'n weep
Was her adjustable slogan

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan


That's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot brakes
That's the kinda sound she makes
(ooh, let go uh me)
When her crab cakes

She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk & got shorter
Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter

She didn't want to go home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how Perellis might court her

Marty's dog, na-na-hoo
Na-na-na, noo-na-hoo
Na-na-na, na-na-na!
Na-na-na, na-na-hoo

She was the daughter
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen

Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep


Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go

5. 0:25:50 Stink-Foot

FZ: We have a song about . . . feet. It's a foot song.
George: Feet, yeah . . .
FZ: The name of this song, ladies and gentlemen, it's "Stink-Foot," and it goes something like this . . .

Heh Heh Heh

(Well . . . )
Ahem. In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
(Yeah . . . )
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
(Mornin' . . .) (Well . . .)
By yer radio
Do the walls close in t' suffocate ya
Ain't got no friends
An' all the others, they hate ya
Does the life you've been livin' gotta go, hmmm?
Well, let me straighten you out
About a place I know
(Get yer shoes 'n socks on people
It's right aroun' the corner
Over by Tom Waits restaurant)

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Out through the night
An' the whispering breezes
To the place where they keep
The Imaginary Diseases

Now, ladies and gentlemen
Scientists call this disease
But us regular folks
Who might wear tennis shoes
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of
(Now watch this)
Stink Foot
(Yes, indeed)

Y'know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's July
I finally got it off
An' my girlfriend cry
She said, "Stink foot!
Stink foot, darlin'
Your stink foot puts the hurts on my nose!
Stink foot! Stink foot! I ain't lyin'
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"

Here Fido . . . Here Fido . . .
Bring the slippers, little puppy . . .
That's a good dog!
"Arf, arf, arf!"
Sick . . .


FZ: Oh, that's enough of that!

6. 0:30:07 Pygmy Twylyte

Green hocker croakin'
In the Pygmy Twylyte

Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the Winchell's do-nut Midnite

Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the Quaalude Moonlight

Green hocker in a Greyhound locker
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte

Joined the bus, 33rd seat
Doo-doo room, reek replete

Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney and he's 'fraid to die
In the Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy Twylyte
Downer midnite

Oh! Anybody,
Don't know why I feel
Oh! Sometimes the pain
Gets a little [...]
And I wanna say, Oh!

7. 0:35:56 Room Service

Honey, honey (blip)
Honey, honey (wart)
Honey, honey (gee)
Honey, honey
Why don't you sharpen that!

Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Honey, honey

Oh, in the morning
In the evening
What you say
I said I joined the bus
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte
Smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte
Talkin' 'bout the downer Midnite
Smokin', smokin'
Smokin', smokin'
Smokin', smokin'
Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
Joined the bus
Joined the bus on the 33rd seat
Joined the bus
Joined the bus
Joined the bus
Joined the bus

Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom (Right out front there's a)
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom (Nearly a year ago there's a)
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom (Wash your hands in the)
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom (Everybody goin' to the)
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom (Everybody goin' to)
Doo-doo roo-ooh-oom

FZ: Hello? Is this room service?
Napoleon: Room service! This is not only room service, this is your automatic and responsible doo-doo room service.
FZ: Good God, ain't it funky now? Look here, you know, do you realize how heavy these telephones are that we're holding?
Napoleon: Ah, do I realize!
FZ: I'll make a deal with ya, I'll put mine down if you put yours down.
George: Mental telepathy.
Napoleon: What would you like? What would you like? We got everything, what would you like?
FZ: You're sure that this is doo-doo room service, right?
Napoleon: This is doo-doo room service.
FZ: All right.
Napoleon: Not just do-do room service, doo-doo room service.
FZ: All right. I want you to understand one thing.
Napoleon: Go ahead.
FZ: You're talking to a hungry guy.
Napoleon: All you musicians are hungry, go on . . .
FZ: That's right. And so many of them eat.
Napoleon: There you go . . .
FZ: And there are the ones who don't eat, well, ladies and gentlemen, just focus on this one fact: I'm pretending to call room service right now at an imaginary hotel that we can't name because they don't sponsor our program, but there's still hope for them.
Napoleon: Humble, humble people . . .
FZ: However, ladies and gentlemen, just, just pretend that he's working in the kitchen and I'm up in my lonely little rock'n'roll musician's room . . .
Napoleon: Stop burning those beans!
FZ: Ha ha ha . . . stop burning those beans?
Napoleon: I'm in the kitchen, you know, you gotta control . . .
FZ: Why don't you sharpen it then?
Napoleon: Gotta control these pilgrims in the kitchen . . .
FZ: Okay.
Napoleon: . . . you know, they'll burn the beans.
FZ: Hello, is this room service? Look, I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry . . .
Napoleon: What would you like?
FZ: I want to eat.
Napoleon: Anything you want to eat, you can get it here.
FZ: I want a green hocker.
Napoleon: Let me write this down, one . . . green hocker.
FZ: In a Greyhound locker.
Napoleon: In a Greyhound locker. You musicians sure have some strange requests!
FZ: Yeah, well . . .
Napoleon: But doo-doo room service is here to please, go on.
FZ: That's right. I want a green hocker in a Greyhound locker . . .
Napoleon: One green hocker in a Greyhound locker . . .
FZ: Smokin'!
Napoleon: Smokin'!
FZ: In the Pygmy Twylyte . . . You do aim to please, don't you?
Napoleon: We burnin' that sucker up!
FZ: Ha ha ha . . . we's burnin' that sucker up! Listen to that!
Napoleon: It's a equal . . . you know this is a equal employment . . .
FZ: How you do go on!
Napoleon: Let me tell you. Is that all you want? You sure you don't want no meat?
FZ: No, no, listen . . .
Napoleon: Don't you want some meat? We serve meat.
FZ: Ha ha ha . . . No, I got some meat.
Napoleon: Wait a minute!
FZ: Here's the deal . . .
Napoleon: You shouldn't talk about our room service unless you taste it first. You gotta taste it first.
FZ: Oh, well, I'm, I'm very anxious to taste it, however I'm not finished giving you my order. Okay?
Napoleon: Okay. What else would you like?
FZ: I want you to concentrate. Just let your mind drift back to the first part of the order, it's a green hocker in a Greyhound locker smokin' in the Pygmy Twylyte, and I want, I want to avoid the Garni Du Jour, I never eat the Garni Du Jour . . .
Napoleon: You don't?
FZ: No . . .
Napoleon: What about the dogs?
FZ: Now, listen.
Napoleon: They gotta eat.
FZ: I haven't told you about the dogs yet.
Napoleon: I saw you when you registered, don't tell me . . . caravan of dogs . . . oh, those were two boogers and one dog, I'm sorry.
FZ: The dogs did not register with me.
Napoleon: Oh, okay.
FZ: There's only one person the dogs register with.
Napoleon: I knew they were with your troop but I didn't know which one.
FZ: And he used to have a suit on, gorilla hair on it. Now look. I want to avoid the wrinkled carrot.
Napoleon: Okay, no wrinkled carrot.
FZ: No thin, wrinkled carrot, no celery, no . . .
Napoleon: No twisted celery . . .
FZ: No parsley.
Napoleon: No parsley.
FZ: No salad that's so soggy that you don't want to get near it.
Napoleon: No salad with Saran Wrap on top . . .
FZ: No. I don't want any styrofoam cups.
Napoleon: . . . to keep the flies . . . No styrofoam cups . . .
FZ: I don't want any styrofoam knives and forks.
Napoleon: No paper plate.
FZ: No, no paper plates.
Napoleon: Man, we gonna serve you on China, this jive gonna be on genuine China.
FZ: I must have come to the right hotel this time.
Napoleon: Doo-doo room service. Anything you need, we here to please.
FZ: During the last, during the last show the room service wasn't quite this good, but I know that I'm really gonna get it this time. Now, look . . .
Napoleon: Well, we try hard— We do try harder, you know.
FZ: Along with the green hocker in the Greyhound locker smoking in the Pygmy Twylyte, I would like to have a crystal eye . . .
Napoleon: One crystal eye.
FZ: A crystal eye (that's two crystal eyes) . . .
Napoleon: One more crystal eye.
FZ: That's right. And a crystal kidney.
Napoleon: And one crystal kidney. You know that's just about like liver, you know, but shinin' though.
FZ: Yeah.
Napoleon: Yeah, you know. So if you want it . . .
FZ: Yeah, I want it!
Napoleon: All right, where do you want us to bring it to?
FZ: Sure I want it. I don't want you to be burnin' that sucker up, though.
Napoleon: Wait a minute. You said you wanted to smoke it . . .
FZ: No, not the kidney.
Napoleon: Oh, okay.
FZ: Now, okay, I want you send this to room 3-3.
Napoleon: Room 3-3. That's right after f-four. 4-4.
FZ: No. 4-4 is somebody else.
Napoleon: Ah, okay. 3-3.
FZ: That's Chester's room.
Napoleon: Ha ha . . . I must be in 4-5, then, and Duke must be in 4-3. Ha ha ha!
FZ: Ha ha ha!
Napoleon: The way Marty registers all the Orientals in this group . . . Here we go . . .
FZ: Look . . . Yeah, would you be able to recognize me, I'm in room 3-3, and I'm right next to room 3-4.
Napoleon: All right!
FZ: And 3-4 is the room that's got the smell of the dog coming out of it.
Napoleon: Well, I know he won't miss that.
FZ: Okay.
Napoleon: The person I'm sending up is familiar with that odor. Yes he is!
FZ: You know . . . ha ha, why? Because he's from Baltimore?
Napoleon: NO! Because he has a little beard and his office is in the Motown building and on and on and on, well, you know.
FZ: You're trying to tell me that this guy is so swift that my order is gonna get up there right away?
Napoleon: They call him Slick for short.
FZ: Slick for short?
Napoleon: When he don't have shorts, they still call him Slick.
FZ: Okay, well, I want you to send him up, because I sure am hungry.
Napoleon: Listen here, matter of fact, so you won't get the wrong guy, I'm gonna tell who we gonna be sendin' up, you know we're gonna send up to you with your fabulous order up to your room . . .

Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
(Drivin' a little puny car)
Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
(He knows how to dial a phone real good)
Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
(He's the kind of guy you'd call your friend)
Zach, Zach, Zach Glickman
(But sometimes he's a drag)

FZ: Hello, room service?
Napoleon: Yes?
FZ: Look here, I want you to dummy up, because my food ain't got here yet, you know?
Napoleon: Is this room 3-3?
FZ: It's room 3-3, you know, next to three . . .
Napoleon: Your food didn't get there?
FZ: No, it never got here. That guy from Baltimore that you sent up just didn't make it, you know?
Napoleon: It's a case of bad judgement, I'll try better this time.
FZ: Yeah, ha ha . . . Listen, I'm gonna get very angry with you. I'm gonna, I'm going to call Herb if the food doesn't come right away.
Napoleon: Hey, ah . . . yeah, as a matter of fact, I tell you what we can do, ha ha . . . so we make sure your food does get there, and that you don't get any advances, and for that matter, so you don't get too much food for the price you're paying. You know who we're gonna send the food up by?
FZ: No, who you're gonna send the food up by?
Napoleon: We're gonna send the food up by the one and only . . . this cat, Herb!

(You know, he got a little hair on his head)
Herb, Herb, Herb Cohen
(Kinda cute when he curls it, you know)
Herb, Herb, Herb Cohen
(Walks around and says, "No advances!")
Herb, Herb, Herb Cohen
(What you gonna do?)

FZ: You know the food finally got here and uh . . .
Napoleon: All right. I knew I could depend on him, you know . . . because he's got it down to the . . . hundredths of a second.
FZ: Yeah, I know, Herb does have it down to the hundredths of a second. Well, you know, I think we've exhausted the possibilities of this routine. Do you suggest we end the song?
Napoleon: Either that or get Mort up here to dance, I mean, you know . . .
FZ: Oh, wait a minute. Mort, come here. Mort, come on.
Napoleon: Come on, come on, Mort.
FZ: Now, look, you can fill out the AFTRA contract later . . .
Napoleon: Don't be bashful. Don't be bashful, Mort.
FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you to, this is Mort Libov. Mort Libov, de la Baltimore, who is the producer of the show, and he would like to sing to you right now . . .
Napoleon: Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha! Well . . . well . . .
George: Well . . . well . . .
FZ: Good God, ain't it funky now! I'll tell you what, hey, I'll make it easy.
Napoleon: Gimme that wine, oh, gimme that wine, gimme that . . .
FZ: We're gonna make it easy on you, Mort. All you have to do is sing your own name on the off beats. You ready?
Mort: You gonna do it with me?

Mort, Mort, Mort Libov
Mort, Mort, Mort Libov
Mort, Mort, Mort Libov
Mort, Mort, Mort Libov

Napoleon: Hire him! Hire him!
FZ: An instant superstar!
Napoleon: Put that sucker in the band! Put that sucker in the band!
FZ: If this show ever goes on television, and if this show ever galls . . . if it ever galls to Arbutus, if it ever goes to Baltimore, if it ever goes to Havre de Grace, to all those fine places, I want all the people in that WRETCHED state of Maryland to understand one thing: Mort's from there, Marty's from there, Zach is from there, Chester's from there, and I'm from there too.
Napoleon: What can I tell you?

8. 0:47:23 Inca Roads

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it

George: Sure was different. I ain't never seen nothing like that in my entire life!
Napoleon: Whose python boot is that? That ain't my sh— What?
FZ: Why don't you sharpen it then?

George: Little round ball . . . I could . . . couldn't . . . That white cain't do nothin'.
Napoleon: Je-he-zus! Wait a minute!
FZ: Mother Mary and Jozuf!

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park itself
(Park it . . . Park it)
Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land

consequently . . .

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

later that night . . .

Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land on Perellis?
Was she round
And did she have a motor
Or was she something different

Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space for Chester's Thing to land

(Chester's Thing . . . on Ruth)

Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up her hill

On Ruth
On Ruth
That's Ruth

FZ: Thank you very much.

9. 0:57:13 Oh No/Son Of Orange County

Oh no, I don't believe it
You say that you think you know the meaning of love
You say love is all we need
You say with your love you can change
All of the fools, all of the hate
I think you're probably out to lunch

Oh no, I don't believe it
You say that you think you know the meaning of love
Do you really think it can be told?
You say that you really know
I think you should check it again
How can you say what you believe
Will be the key to a world of love?

All your love will it save me?
All your love will it save the world
From what we can't understand?
Oh no, I don't believe it

And in your dreams
You can see yourself
As a prophet
Saving the world
The words from your lips
(Why don't you sharpen it then!)
I just can't believe you are such
A fool

I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool
I just can't believe
You are such a fool

10. 1:04:18 More Trouble Every Day

Well I'm about to get sick
From watchin' my TV
Been checkin' out the news
Until my eyeballs fail to see
I mean to say that every day
Is just another rotten mess
And when it's gonna change, my friend
Is anybody's guess

So I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
I'm hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

Wednesday I watched the riot
I seen the cops out on the street
I watched 'em throwin' rocks and stuff
And chokin' in the heat
I listened to reports
'Bout the whisky passin' 'round
I seen the smoke and fire
And the market burnin' down
I watched while everybody
On his street would take a turn
To stomp and smash and bash and crash
And slash and bust and burn

I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'
Hopin' for the best
Even think I'll go to prayin'
Every time I hear 'em sayin'
(Every time I hear 'em sayin')
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day
There's no way to delay
That trouble comin' every day

11. 1:11:37 Token Of My Extreme

FZ: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the end of our program. We wanna thank you very much for coming down to the studio, helping us out with it. Before we disappear I'd like to say it has been Ruth Underwood on percussion, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax, lead vocals and exotic dancing, Tom Fowler on bass and snuff, Chester Thompson on drums and gorilla, and George Duke on keyboards and finger cymbals. Thank you very much, and goodnight.

Executive Producers

Produced by

Directed by

Associate Producers

Unit Manager

Associate Directors

Stage Manager

Art Director

Design Consultant/Graphics

Recreational Director
on behalf of
Inter-Continental Absurdities

Lighting Director

Lighting Effects by


Technical Director



Video Operators

ISO Switcher

Sound Recording by

Sound Mixing by


Videotape Editors

P.A. Mixer on Location


Production Assistants

Animation by

Film Effects by

Mobile Tape Unit

Post Production Facilities by

All Musical Selections
Composed & Arranged by
Published by Munchkin Music, Inc.

Distributed by

Presented by
in cahoots with
© 1974
All Rights Reserved

FZ On Mike Douglas Show, 1976

1. 0:00:00 [Interview, Part 1]


Mike Douglas: My next guest is an innovator, an unique musician who has created his own style of music, ever since he first got his group, The Mothers Of Invention, together back in 1964. When he had that group he put out some albums with bizarre titles like Hot Rats, We're Only In It For The Money, Weasels Ripped My Flesh, and Lumpy Gravy. All love songs. Today he's here to talk about his brand new group and his new album, called Zoot Allures. Here is Frank Zappa!

Mike Douglas: You've got some real fans. That was a very unusual title. How do you come up with titles like that, Frank?
FZ: Oh, I'm abnormal.
Mike Douglas: Then it's easy for you.
FZ: Yeah, it's just an everyday thing.
Mike Douglas: You have a classical background, that intrigues me. Are you doing—?
FZ: Not really. I'm just . . .
Mike Douglas: I know about it, Frank. Are you doing this just for the money, or you'd rather be doing something else, or is this what you're really into, the kind of music you're, you're pulling out?
FZ: No, I love what I'm doing.
Mike Douglas: Do you?
FZ: Yeah.
Mike Douglas: How long have you been into rock music?
FZ: Mmmh, since I was 15. I'm 35 now, so that's a while.
Mike Douglas: How did you first turn tuned into, who did you start listening to?
FZ: Just listening rhythm & blues records.
Mike Douglas: Yeah. Anybody in particular that really points you at that time?
FZ: In those days I used to really like Johnny "Guitar" Watson, and Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown, the Howlin' Wolf. Guys like that, you know. All the old favorites.
Jimmie Walker: Ha ha ha ha!
Mike Douglas: In reading about you, you said that when you took musicians on the road it was like they're, you know, kinda going to college in that you have classes everyday with 'em. Explain that to me, will you?
FZ: Well, we rehearse a lot, see. The musicians, when I put my first group together, they came from unusual backgrounds. The singer used to be a bartender, the bass player was a truck driver for a lumber company in Orange County, California, and the drummer used to work for the electric company in Kansas, and also at a gas station, and . . .
Mike Douglas: That's not really unusual, because all of us had weird, strange jobs that we had to do to eat generally before we got into what we wanted to do.
FZ: Well, with them it almost seemed like they got into the music by accident, you know. So there it was quite a bit to study so we . . .
Mike Douglas: How did you find guys like that, who were on another jobs, and they just, where did you congregate, where did you all meet?
FZ: Pomona, of course.
Jimmie Walker: Ha ha ha! Ha ha!
Mike Douglas: You found each other in Pomona?
FZ: Yeah, at a place called The Broadside.
Mike Douglas: That's what I was getting into.
FZ: It's a bar.
Mike Douglas: You started jamming or what?
FZ: Well, actually, there was a group that was in existence before I got that mysterious phone call. I knew the singer in the group, his name was Ray, and he had a fight with the other guitar player in the group, he punched his lights out and he was out of the band, and they needed somebody to come in and take over for a while, so I went down there, sat in with 'em, I thought they're real good, so . . .
Mike Douglas: Let me ask you a favor, would you— we're on a time bind, and I want you to play and then we'll talk some more later, okay?
FZ: All right. Okay.
Mike Douglas: Can you?
FZ: Yah.
Mike Douglas: You play some for us? Frank Zappa.

2. 0:03:27 [Black Napkins]

FZ: I gotta take a moment, folks. I gotta plug it in, here. Turn on the giant amplifier. See . . . Nice one, uh? Okay! One, two, three, one . . .

Mike Douglas: Frank Zappa. We'll be right back.


3. 0:07:55 [Interview, Part 2]

Mike Douglas: Did you discover Alice Cooper?
FZ: Well, sort of. They came over to— I used to have a record company and they came over to my house to audition for a contract. They had been working in Arizona and I woke up— Some friends told me they were coming over to audition and I was upstairs sleeping and I had this basement, it's a log cabin in Laurel Canyon, that was real big, we used to practise in there. So they'd come in and set up their equipment while I was still asleep and I woke up to it one day. Went down, there they were, playing their little hearts up.
Mike Douglas: Why did you think he had the potential of be a rock star?
FZ: Well, I didn't make up my mind right then. I waited until I saw 'em play in concert a few times and they were the opening act for us several times and invariably when they would play, thousands of people would leave the room and I knew they had something.
Jimmie Walker: Ha ha ha! Ha ha!
Mike Douglas:
I'm not sure I've followed that. Leave the room and you knew they had something?
FZ: Yeah. They had a— Well, people had a very violent response to it, and if you look at the people who's responding that way and then you look at the response and you listen to what's going on then you can make an assumption that something is going on, you know? And the record company that I had was called Bizarre, and I was putting out albums by people like Wild Man Fischer and stuff like that, so I figured, well, here we go.
Mike Douglas: Got another one.
FZ: Yeah. A wild one!
Mike Douglas: Did he call himself Alice Cooper then?
FZ: Yeah, he was called Alice Cooper. Of course, he wasn't dressed up with the girl type and . . .
Mike Douglas: And the, the . . .
FZ: No. That was applied a little bit later.
Mike Douglas: Ah. What kind of music do you listen to to relax?
FZ: Ah, depends on how much I want to relax, you know? If I want to relax a little bit I'd go to a discotheque, because I know it's always gonna be the same and so, that all [...] relaxes you. It's like in TV they have the franchise, you know, where you know everything is gonna happen and TV is gonna be the same, that's what disco music is. You know, the kick drum is gonna be louder than anything else, and go "poom-poom-poom," helps your digestion . . .
Mike Douglas: You're saying it's predictable as if TV, you know, when you . . .
FZ: Oh, I know!
Mike Douglas: . . . what's gonna happen.
FZ: Yeah. Well, that's the way it's planned.
Mike Douglas: When you want— No, not here, is it?
FZ: Oh. Well, I wasn't talking about you!
Mike Douglas: We don't know what we're gonna do. I'm serious. We really know— We try and think we are knowing what we're doing, but it's work out for 15 years and we just kind of fly by the seat of our pants.
FZ: That's the most fun.
Mike Douglas: Sure it is. Do you listen when you wanna relax a lot, [...] that?
FZ: When I wanna relax a lot I listen to classical music usually.
Mike Douglas: What, specifically?
FZ: Well, the stuff that puts me into the most dream like state would be something like Anton Webern string quartets. Or maybe I listen to Elliott Carter string quartets.
Mike Douglas: That's wild. What do you do to loosen up, what do you do to relax, what kind of—? You love music, and you were really tuned into Frank a moment ago.
Kenny Rogers: Well, the thing is I really enjoy all kinds of playing—of course I guess any musician does. You really have to have at least some—not necessarily understanding, but some relationship with all types of music, and— But I, like Frank, I listen to classical music, really. Bach just does it for me. I mean, I could anything— The Swingle Singers just has knocked me out.
Jimmie Walker: Yes, oh, I love them.
Mike Douglas: Excellent.
Jimmie Walker: Excellent.
Mike Douglas: Yeah.
Kenny Rogers: I listen to the whole album. And that's a different type of classical music, 'cause you're talking classical in a stricter sense, I would imagine.
FZ: Yeah.
Kenny Rogers: And the string quartets, and so, but I do appreciate that too, but I like the soft mellow classical stuff. Like Tchaikovsky is a little too . . . you know.
FZ: [...]
Kenny Rogers: [...] ha ha ha . . .
Mike Douglas: How about you, Jimmie, for relaxation?
Jimmie Walker: If I'm working, there's two things I listen to, which is gonna sound weird, it's Segovia, I listen to him, and then, there's the rock thing, the main rock people I listen to in terms of relaxation are probably James Taylor and Joni Mitchell. In terms of relaxation, which may be commercial and crass, I know, and sweet and loving, but I like that, that's my thing.
Mike Douglas: I gotta talk to you, because you did something— It was that public service spot that you did, sounding off against drugs, abusing drugs.
FZ: Yeah.
Mike Douglas: You've never been into that scene yourself, as I understand.
FZ: No, I'm not a drug fanatic myself, no.
Jimmie Walker: Ha ha ha ha!
Mike Douglas: No, I wasn't implying that, I mean . . .
FZ: I mean, I'm just not enthusiastic . . .
Mike Douglas: I know you turn off, that's right, you turn off about drugs. [...] specifically.
FZ: No, I really don't like 'em. And I specially don't like what they do to the people.
Mike Douglas: Have you had any friends of yours that have got into it, and you've seen things happen to 'em?
FZ: I've seen that some people have wound up where they couldn't tie their shoes.
Mike Douglas: Yeah. I couldn't do that until I was 27.
FZ: Ha ha ha. Well, I thought it was specially deplorable in this one case, because he had wait until his 28 to learn, and by the time he was 30, he was in trouble.
Mike Douglas: Yeah. No, I was only being [...], but I'm really interested in that, and I'm interested in what reaction your fans had to you doing the spot.
FZ: Well, a lot of people believe that I'm, you know, phew, out there, you know. They . . .
Mike Douglas: People passed up, just looking at a person trying to decide what they—. You cannot decide upon meeting a person, regardless of what the hair is like or the clothes, you can't find out, well, you don't know what that person is about till you sit down and spend some time with him.
FZ: Well, unfortunately a lot of other people who did those public service announcements were actually heavily into the chemical alteration process, so maybe the people who listened to the spots took it with a grain of salt.
Mike Douglas: I think of that type of spot, the most impressive thing, the most memorable thing I have ever seen on television was the fellow who had terminal cancer, who was once a part of the Perry [...] show, remember him? I can't think what his name is . . .
FZ: Thomas.
Mike Douglas: Thomas. Got on, and did a thing on smoking because of [...] his lungs he wanted to help people. Can you imagine having that kind of guts? You know, that's gotta be something, with the pain and everything for a long time. You brought— Excuse me?
FZ: Do you smoke?
Mike Douglas: No, I don't smoke.
FZ: Did it turn you off, when you saw that?
Mike Douglas: Uh, no, because my father was a heavy smoker. And he's having problems with it for [...] because of that, and so . . . I think that's why I didn't smoke, as around so much as a kid. And I stole a cigar once and smoke it, when I was, I was 12 and I turned green, and it wasn't St. Patrick's Day.
FZ: [...] therapy.
Mike Douglas: Ooh, well uh . . . That's not for me. Anyway, you brought us a documentary that you did called A Token Of His Extreme. I love that title. Tell me what we're about to see, Frank.
FZ: We're about to see two minutes of a piece of videotape that was made almost two years ago emboding a performance of The Mothers Of Invention, and it was put together with my own money and my own time, and it's been offered to television networks and to syndication and . . .
Mike Douglas: And?
FZ: And it has been steadfastly rejected by the American television industry.
Jimmie Walker: Ha ha ha!
FZ: It has been shown in prime time in France and Switzerland, with marvelous results. It's probably one of the finest pieces of video work that any human being has ever done.
Jimmie Walker: I like a man that's smartest.
FZ: Yeah!
Mike Douglas: You did it yourself.
FZ: I did it myself. And the animation that you're gonna see in this was done by a guy named Bruce Bickford, and I hope he is watching the show, because it's probably the first time that a lot of people in America got a chance to see it. So . . .
Mike Douglas: Well, it's our pleasure. Let's see it.

. . . later that night

Mike Douglas: Frank Zappa! We'll be right back.

OF '65


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The parts that are different to the One Size Fits All versions are printed this way
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